Chapter 33

The city was enormous. It was beautiful. And so much colour. There were obelisks that rose into the sky casting their shadows across the rest ground. They marked the districts and were built of stone. The city held an equally impressive arena, for sports and games that drew people from all around the world to watch men fighting with Raptors and all these other creatures. People were lining up to queue inside, some dressed in bright blues, yellows, reds, and some with hats. Some were dressed in sandy brown colours that matched the sands from beyond the city walls. But nobody cared about fashion, they were there simply for the games.

She sat on the yellow bench observing every move anyone who passed by her made. She sighed happily and beamed at the sun. She was having a good day. She had never been so much pleased and alive. "Maryam, right?" The old woman sitting beside her spoke. Maryam looked her way. She held a dazed expression. She thought she was sitting alone and having her alone time far away from people. 

The woman never looked her way. She continued speaking when Maryam didn't utter anything. "He calls you Manha? Haha, what a lovely name. Gift from God. He's so much in love with you but..... too bad you took advantage of his love," the woman spoke harshly. She looked at maryam for the first time and simpered. "Oh don't worry my child," she cooed, patting Maryam by the shoulder. "Your dead child will bring your true lover to you but you have to go through a brimming dilemma....." Maryam blinked and the old woman was gone. 

Her dead child? 

Dilemma? 

She wakes up as if it's an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. Her heart beats fast and there was a buzzing in her brain and together they are as panic with jump-leads. Only now her brain is as a flat battery, the exertions of the night being a marathon of erratic problem-solving.

"Maryam? Maryam?!" Aydah called out panicking. Maryam looked at her as her tears blurred her vision. "You're here already?" She smiled wiping her tears. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Aydah asked worriedly. 

"I just had a weird dream." Her mind was still a surging perplexity. Maryam sighed and shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm fine. I promise you." Aydah smiled and nodded. "Now get up and get ready, you promised to go out today," she spoke dragging the quilt off Maryam. She groaned and dragged it back. 

"I'm not done sleeping yet please, just 10 more minutes," she murmured. Aydah rolled her eyes and dragged it again. 

"Do I really have to follow you? It’s hot out there and I want to sleep in.” Maryam whined snuggling into her quilt more. Aydah rolled her eyes and pulled the quilt away. "Get up Maryam! You haven't gotten out in weeks and you promised to today. You don't even go to work now, and that is very bad to be staying in one place all day and night. You're a doctor, you know what's best so get up!" 

Maryam sighed helplessly and sat upright. She knew Aydah would never allow her to sleep in. Aydah stood there arms akimbo, tapping her heels on the floor as she gave Maryam a pointed look. Maryam rolled her eyes with a hiss. "I'll go take a shower, but I will complain the whole time we're out," she said, wearing her slippers before sauntering into the bathroom. 

The water pours down, it drips by her side, as her mind fades into dullness and everything is a foggy illusion. The sensation of the steamy water calms her; it takes her mind of things. All the things she honestly don't care about. It's the water. Her mind swirls, and it's like she's standing under an everlasting waterfall. Ever so beautiful, but it can never last, she knows that now. 

She sighed, eyes closed as she massaged her neck and thought about the painful memories. He turned every moment they spent together into painful memories. They are sharp, and cut right through her everytime she thinks about that time. Even the sweet good moments they had are now turned into a knife that kills her already broken heart. He pierced her soul; he made her skeptical about people and love. She hates what he did. But deep down she’s not over him. She still loves him. He turned her into this broken mess, and even if she won't see him again, his touch will be with her for years, or maybe for the rest of her life, who knows. You ruined her confidence, and she remembers every single word he said, she remembers how he made her feel like a waste of space. And now the voice that puts her down inside it's not hers anymore, but his voice telling her again how she will never be enough for nothing.

Memories were the soul torturer of Maryam. 

She couldn't escape them, or hide from them; they were the worst kind of monster. 

She was scared of what her past held, all the memories that seemed to never escape her. They were pin point needles, piercing her skin. She couldn't scream or fight back, she had to just endure the pain as the picture of his face flashed through her mind. 

She had experienced pain before. 

But nothing amounted to this. 

She could neither hide or run or fight them. Her memories were indeed her worst enemy and the thing that would most likely destroy her. 

She sauntered out of the bathroom the moment she was done. Aydah had already chosen what she'd wear for the day. After she got ready, they left the house after she informed mommy.

"Where are we going to first?" Maryam asked going through the new phone mommy bought for her. "You have to eat first. It's past 11am and you didn't eat anything. Like I don't know what is wrong with you now Maryam, you hardly eat, just look at how you've lost weight!" Aydah scolded, eyes fixed on the road. Maryam rolled her eyes and shrugged. 

Maryam watched Aydah as she called the restaurant they're heading to and made orders. Maryam slumped in her seat, arms on her chest. 

The moment she slide into her chair when they got to the restaurant, she's served an enormous platter of food. Eggs, chicken sauce, piles of fried potatoes. A tureen of fruit sits in ice to keep it chilled. The basket of rolls they set before her would keep her going for a week. There's an elegant glass of orange juice. Her mouth wide open as she looked at the table. "Wha.... who's going to finish all of this?" She had a stupefied expression on her face. "You are.... you better start eating cause we're not going anywhere till you eat at least half of everything here on the table." Aydah scolded her. 

Maryam pouted like a little child but sighed and slowly started eating her breakfast. Aydah looked at her from time to time to see if she was actually eating. Maryam's face looks pitying whenever you look at her. Her friend knew how much in pain she is in. Her step brother really played with Maryam real bad. He is very heartless and shameless to still show his face. Aydah sighed and shrugged off everything.

"Okay, I'm done," Maryam spoke rapidly before she stood up from the chair. Aydah rolled her eyes and stood up. She paid the bill before they left for shopping. It was already 12 noon when they got the boutique. "Remind me why we're here again?" Maryam sighed already tired for the day. 

"I need to buy new shoes and also bags, now common," she answered and pulled Maryam's hand. Maryam whined all the way to the shoe section. She sat down looking at Aydah browse through the thousand of shoes. Aydah looked at with a puzzled expression, "aren't you going to choose anything?" She asked walking back to maryam. "No, I'll be okay here. I’ll wait for you here." Aydah shrugged off her shoulders and continued her shopping. 

She brought out her phone to play game to while away time before Aydah finished her shopping. She heard footsteps coming towards her but she didn't look up thinking it was a costumer passing by. "Well, well.... look who it is..... and we meet again." Her eyes landed on Mujahid, her heart stopping in her chest. He has spiky black hair that complements his pale skin so beautifully. His aquamarine eyes are brighter than the sun itself. His smile nearly melts her into a puddle of nothing. He looked 10 times handsome now that he's married. "Don't forget that I'm happily married so you better stop checking me out before my wife ends you," he spoke nonchalantly, as always. 

She hissed and continued with what she was doing even though her heart couldn't stop beating rapidly and her face expression was giving her away. His perfume wasn't helping at all. "Please Yaya Mujahid just leave me alone!" She said through gritting teeth, sending daggers his way. He laughed thoughtless, shoving his hand in his pocket. "I come in peace," he said jokingly raising his hands in the air before shoving them back into his suit pants. “I was just wondering why you came to my wife's boutique," he asked looking at her straight in the eyes. "What?!" She whispered looking around. 

"Oh Maryam don't be stupid, I'm very sure you knew this is my wife's boutique. Who knows maybe you came here looking for me.... well congratulations, you have found me, what's next?" 

"Look I'm married now and I don't wish for anything to come between me and my beautiful wife. I don't wish to cheat on my wife or marry a second wife. Even if I would do such, I would not wish to marry a slut like you!" He threw hurtful words at her. She furiously scrambled up. "I would rather give you a knife to stab me than listen to your cold, hurtful words. You speak to me as if I were a stranger when for the months  we've been as close as it is possible for two people to be. You strike out as if I have crossed some invisible line in the sand. You look into my eyes and say whatever will hurt the most, and knowing me as you do that isn't hard to come by. Am I less because I gave you my body? Am I less because I was so dumb to get played by you? Perhaps you will take the one thing I am most proud of and shatter it with glee. In those moments I don't know who you are and I wonder if you know yourself. Don't you know what you're doing? Can't you stop?" Her voice sounded more pained than anything but Mujahid never gave a crap even when tears were rolling down her cheeks. 

He was about to speak when she interrupted it. "Just shut your bullshit mouth! I don't want to hear whatever you have to say to me you stupid monster. You're a monster Yaya Mujahid! No one is going to love you the way I did! Not even your so called wife you keep calling!"

"Oh jeez Maryam, such hurtful words! Is this how you hate me now! Wow that's bad," he spoke faking hurt. "I don't hate you! But I hate what you did! You said you'd be staying but you ended up playing! You think karma won't bite back? Huh!" Great sobs racked her body, as she trudged away. "What? Babe? What's going on here?"" Nadia showed up from nowhere. His heart did a leap. He held her by the waist whispering softly words to her. 

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Nadia groaned the moment her eyes landed on Maryam. "What on earth is this woman doing in my boutique?" She raised her voice. "No baby, I can explain," he cooed holding her closer. “I was passing by when she stopped me and started telling me shit, like she always does. I have warned her to stay away from me but she’s so stubborn.” He spoke looking right at Maryam. 

Instead of lowering her head, she lifted it, a stony glare carved into her dark eyes. Fury blurred her sight but she tightened her jaw and glared at him. She took her head bag and furiously left them standing there. "Aydah, aydah! Let's leave this place now!" She pulled Aydah's hand without waiting to hear what she has to say. "Wait, why? What's happened? I'm not done shopping. Why are you crying?" Maryam didn't stop dragging her till they were out of the boutique. 

"Would you please tell me why you're trying to kidnap me?" Aydah asked annoying, snatching her hand away. "If you're going to stay then fine, but I'm leaving, right now." She finished talking and started walking out of the parking lot. Aydah grabbed her hand, "what's wrong please? What happened?" She asked worriedly. She turned and looked at Aydah’s worried eyes. She sighed and closed her eyes as more tears cascade down her cheeks. "I met Yaya Mujahid and he said really hurtful words to me and then his wife came and....." 

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. She felt  the muscles of her chin tremble like a small child. There is static in her head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress, constant pain she lives with. She hears her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of her she didn't know she had left to give. That's the way it is when people are hard. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. 

Aydah enfolds her into a gentle hug, and she buries her face in Aydah's shoulder, sobbing quietly. "Come let's go before people start staring." She opened the front door for her and she entered. 

"Aydah!" She heard her name being called. She rolled her eyes and turned to look at him. She stared at him with a straight face. "What.... what brought you guys here?" He asked, scratching the back of his head. He could tell aydah knew about whatever he did. "Shopping," she answered coldly and turned to enter her car. "No wait, I'm not done," he stopped her. She sighed for the gazillion time and turned. "What again Yaya? I need to take Maryam, she's not feeling okay," she spoke eying him from head to toe. 

"Really? Wha- what's wrong with her?" He asked peeping into the car. The guts this man has. "Can I go now?" She spoke with no face expression. He swallowed hard and nodded. "Apologize to her for my wife's behavior," he smiled apologetically before turning and leaving the parking lot. She hissed and entered the car. 

Maryam hugged her knees and crying into them. "Look Maryam you have to stay strong and move on! This guy is so heartless I'm telling you. You have to see that he doesn't even care about what you go through or how you feel! He's not worth your tears Maryam, no one is but Allah!" 

Maryam ignored her as more tears rushed out of her already swollen eyes. Regret washed over her like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down her spine. How she longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. The remorse would eat at her everyday of her life. She envied the pebbles, hard and lifeless, unable to feel the torments of life. She has indeed played herself. She has lost a great love, a true love. Mujahid has done so much damage that she thinks her life was ending. She tried to forget about her past but it keeps coming back, hunting her. 

Remorseful. Guilty.

That was how she felt at that very moment. She wished for a Time Turner so she could go back, rectify the mistake - the worst of all she had done.

However, she could not. Impossible. She had to live with it. Remorse etched at her heart. Guilt gnawed like a worm at the core of an apple. A tear trickled down her cheek, memories flooded her mind... 

"All events, actions and happenings occur only by the will of Allah. Whatever Allah wills happens, and whatever He does not will does not happen. Stop thinking all sorts of things and pray! That is the only solution now, pray hard and in sha Allah you'll be at ease." Aydah adviced her. Maryam raised her head up, wiping her tears. The car was quiet for a bit before Maryam spoke. "Have you ever felt so hurt that you feel the pain in your chest?" She asked looking through the window. Aydah gave her a brisk look and fixed her eyes back on the road. 

Aydah sighed. "Have patience please. Patience has great status in the sight of Allah Almighty and in Islam. Patience is of best from deeds and has the great reward with no limit. Allah Almighty said in Holy Quran: 'Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without Hisaab (without limit, calculation, and estimation).' There is great reward only for those among us who are patient with the Decree of their Lord. In this world, we face many difficulties or trials and sufferings but we have to be patient because Allah Almighty loves those who did Patience (Sabr) in a difficult time. Allah said to those who are facing difficulties or trials that He is with them by guiding and supporting them and granting them a clear victory. Allah said: 'Surely, Allah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient).' From this verse of Holy Quran, we can say that no matter what's the situation we are facing we should be faithful and patient as Allah is with us He will never leave us alone. I know it will not be easy but you can do it, okay? I believe in you."

Maryam smiled and nodded. She murmured a thank you and slumped more into her seat.  A good friend is really hard to find and she is glad that she had found Aydah.  What Aydah did for her is not something she ever expected. But, Aydah went out of her zone to make her feel comfortable, and that truly says a lot in life. 

"Every time I need a support in life, you are always there standing behind me. So good to have you in my life, you are truly a great friend any one can ever have in life. You mean a lot to me, you are truly caring. Thank you so so much aydah, because of you my life is a bit more wonderful." Aydah smiled sheepishly and nodded.