Chapter 36
"Maryam, where are you going to? I thought I told you that you're going to accompany me to go check up on Mujahid and his wife," mommy asked looking at her all dressed up for work. "Mommy.... please I don't wish to go there.... I mean, what if I see him mommy? You know I can't take it, I can't handle it," she pleaded. "Maryam! It's been almost five months now, you ought to let go of him and move on."
"But I have," she replied. "No you have not," mommy stated. "Because if you did, you would not be complaining right now." She raised a brow. Maryam sighed and went back to her room to change. She came down few minutes later and they left. As she drove them to Mujahid's house, she murmured some Du'a, praying he wouldn't be at home. Her heart beat fast at the thought of seeing him. She didn’t wish to ever see him again. He had done so much damage to her poor heart.
Her mother looked at her and chuckled. "Are you okay?" She asked. Maryam glanced at mommy for brief second and fixed her eyes on the road. "How can I be okay when his wife hates my guts? I mean she does not even hide the fact that she hate me!” She spoke drained. "His wife or him should be your least problems. What you should think about is what your father told you. The clock will not wait for you, before you know it, it's new year and you definitely know what will happen if you don’t introduce someone before then.”
Maryam bulged her eyes open and looked at mommy for brief seconds. "Mommy? Aren't you supposed to calm me down? This is not helping." She panicked as they approached the street Mujahid lived with his wife. "I'm just stating a fact and it's not like I'm pushing you to do something or anything. Surely one day someone will be 100% honest with you, and will love you forever, so don't give up trying to find him. I'm sure he's looking for you too."
Maryam nodded, not because she was convinced but because she was tired of talking about it. Why can't she just live a normal life or have her life back. Her life was a debris. Her life was completely peaceful and beautiful when she was with Mahmud. He gave her peace of mind. But the moment Mujahid stepped into her life, he stepped on it and crushed it into million pieces without caring about her feelings.
She parked the car in the parking lot, smiling when she didn't see his car. That meant he wasn't home. So where could he be? Or has he gone back to Canada? Why are they not living in Canada where he worked? Why did he choose to live with her in his house? Why didn't he move to another house?
"Maryam." Mommy snapped her fingers. "Aren't you coming down?" She asked stepping out of the car. "It's okay mommy I'll will wait....." she swallowed the rest of her words and dropped down too when mommy glared at her. She brought out the bag mommy had packaged gifts for Nadia.
Maryam followed mommy as if she was forced to go in which she actually was. She rang the doorbell and few minutes later, one of Nadia's maids opened the door and welcomed them. She went up the stairs and informed her boss.
Nadia walked down the stair majestically. She entered the living room with Salam and greeted Mommy with a huge grin on her face. Her smile died faster than wisps of smoke dissipated after a candle flame has been snuffed out when her eyes landed on Maryam. She knew mommy was her mother but she didn't know Maryam would have the guts to come to her house.
"Maryam, how are you?" Nadia said shooting a hot glare at her when mommy's attention wasn't there. "I.... I'm fine Alhamdulillah," she replied uneasy. She was smiling a little, a smile with a twist to it, like the smile of a child who is determined not to weep.
Nadia excused herself and went into the kitchen to make orders. She came out and went upstairs. The maids did as they were ordered. They arranged varieties of snacks and drinks in front of them.
Nadia came downstairs together with Mujahid and her heart leaped to see him. In that instant her skin became greyed, her mouth hung with lips slightly parted and her eyes were as wide as they could stretch. She watched them without turning her head, her heart is hammering but she kept her gait casual with no hint of hesitation. They can't do anything to her since her mother was around. She was glad she came with mommy. Mommy wanted to send Maryam alone but she later changed her mind and followed her. Her mind flickers back to the table filled with snacks and drinks.
Mujahid came in with Salam and greeted her mother without giving Maryam a glance. Mommy glanced at her to greet him. She let out a faint hiss and greeted him. He pretended as if he wasn't the one who shattered her heart.
Emotional pain is what she feels whenever she sees him. Emotional pain leaves invisible scars, yet they can be traced by the most gentle of touch. Sometimes, like a cyst, the "wound" must be opened to be healed; other times a well meaning person may seek to heal what should be left alone. If it can be ignored and a normal happy life resumed, isn't it kinder to have faith in the natural healing process?
She has never been a person to hold a grudge, instead seeking to understand the motives of another. It doesn't mean there is no scar, only that she needs to have no forgiveness of the other. To forgive him must first resent, or at least that is her understanding. Perhaps that's why she heals so slow, she’s not sure. But either way, her life is getting better.
Nobody wants to hurt, yet if her pains can be used to help others, she is blessed. Anyhow, perhaps her scars are her road-map, maybe she would be lost without them.
He stood up and excused himself, stealing glances at her. Nadia glared at him and fixed gaze back at them. She was so eager for them to leave so she'd question him for staring at Maryam. Nadia was very bad at hiding her feelings. Mommy looked at her face and shook her head. "Nadia, we would be leaving now, Maryam needs to get to work," she said standing. As if Maryam was waiting, she stood up and headed out. Mommy sighed, embarrassed. She handed the gift bag to Nadia. She squatted a bit and thanked her.
She accompanied her to the car and went back inside. Maryam had her head on the steering wheel when mommy came in. "Maryam, what was the meaning of what you just did? Why will you just rudely stand up and leave without saying goodbye? She welcomed us warmly and was super polite. I'm starting to doubt if what you said is actually true."
"By Allah, mommy this woman started glaring at me the moment she sauntered into the living room, she hates my guts." Maryam started the car and drove out of the house. Mommy glared at her and hissed. Maryam sighed helplessly and continued driving. Now what has she done wrong? She felt like good luck has never been on her side ever since he came into her life. Now her own mother is mad at her because of him. Mahmud is mad at her because of him. She's mad at herself because of him.
Nadia barged into the room and caught him scrolling through Maryam's pictures. White knuckles from clenching her fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, her hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent. Her face was red with suppressed rage, and when he looked up to find out he was caught, she swung around and mentally snapped. "What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing," she spoke through gritting teeth.
"Babe I....."
"Just shut up Mujahid!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "Didn't I warn you about this girl? What did you tell me, huh? That there was nothing between you two. Why were staring at her? And now you're looking at her God damn pictures! Fuck it Mujahid you're in love with her," she cursed. Her temper was on a hair-trigger. The smallest thing would have her flying into a rage, yelling, saliva spitting out with each jagged word. She laughed hysterically and punched him hard in the shoulder. "You are a cheating bastard, I knew it!" She bawled.
"Okay Nadia that's enough! You can't just do whatever you wish to and expect me to keep shut and watch you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you hit me? I'm your husband if you have forgotten, you cannot spill any shit that comes out of your mouth!"
Every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of her. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it, her fists began to clench and her jaw rooted. When the final mento had been added to the coke inside of her, she exploded with anger, with no control objects levitated and broke.
"I will repeat myself you are a cheating bastard, you stupid hus....." she swallowed her words when his palm landed on her cheek. She yelped in pain and held her cheek. Burning rage hissed through his body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off him like ferocious waves. The wrath consumed like, engulfing his moralities and destroying the boundaries of loyalty.
She squatted down, holding her cheek as tears blurred her vision. "I knew it, I knew it..... my mother was right...... you don't love me," she spoke with her voice shaking. He knelt down and grabbed her shoulders as he spoke softly at, "no no baby, I'm so so sorry for hitting you. You were accusing me of something it's not true and you were rude to me. By Allah, I love you."
"If you loved me you'll sacrifice yourself, you'll walk right into the flames and never blink or look back. If you loved me you would never lay your hand on me. If you loved me you'll give me the things I need at the expense of yourself. If you knew this is how you are going to treat me, you shouldn't have told me you loved me cause you don't!"
"I swear I do, I love you more than anything. That girl means nothing to me," he cooed holding her as she sobbed. He engulfed her in a loving hug. "I really don't like her being around you," she sobbed. He stroked back and whispered sweet words into her ear till she stopped crying.
She raised her head up and landed her puffy, red eyes on his. “Promise, promise you will only love me and you would not marry again,” she spoke, tears still rolling down. He wiped her tears away and kissed her softly on the lips. “You’re the only, I mean the only woman I love, and the only woman I want. I promise you, Mujahid is all yours. You won’t share him with any other woman,” he cooed and showered her face with lingering kisses. She giggled and hugged him tightly.
He heaved a sigh, not of relief but of a new beginning of shambles. Love has no reason, nor has it any season. When you love someone, you do it from your heart. When you love someone you do it from your soul. Such is his love for Nadia. He truly loved her yesterday. He love her more today. And he shall love her tomorrow and till the end of time. She is the only reason why he feels so blessed in life. She is his strength and his determination. He is really proud of her and lucky to have her. But he had a glimpse of problem. How was he going to tell his wife that he’s truly in love with Maryam and he wants to marry her?