Chapter 44

But I'd be civilized. Once the kiss ended I placed my forehead on hers and simply just breathed in. I don't know what was happening exactly but I was sure something was up. I felt more content than I ever had and I wasn't too comfortable with the fact. 

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Layla's POV

Wrapping my arms around his neck I rested my head on his shoulder. 

He was crazy for the most part but he could be sweet as well.And I liked both versions of him, something I would never admit to him because he'd get to know just how much I truly liked him. Which was a lot, I knew I was only there for a contracted amount of time and that what him and I were doing was ethically wrong, but I still really liked him. And last night.....

I don't even wanna think about it but the bottom line is that last night had been magical.

He placed his hand on my back,smoothing it up and down,and the entire situation felt so right. I liked being held by him like that.

And he didn't make his usual sarcastic jokes and comments, for once he just stayed quiet.

I could feel he was turned on and I expected him to try something, but he surprised me.

This wasn't sexual,it was intimate. I considered it to be romantic in the way he didn't care much for. And I'm not sure whether it was because it truly was or because it was my first time being held so tenderly. His skin was soft and warm. I leaned into it more and I heard him let out a breath,closing my eyes, I let myself relax. 

He had asked me about myself and I had honestly tried to tell him, but everything was so dense. I didn't know where to begin. I had never even spoken about my childhood before, because who would want to recall such sad memories. So instead I had preserved them in the very back of my mind and moved on with my life, only thinking about them accidentally or when I felt overwhelmed. And the other reason I had never talked about them was because I had never had anyone who cared enough to listen.

My grandma had been the most wonderful person in my life and I had loved her immensely, but she had never liked it when I brought the subject up.

And eventually I got used to living as if I had never had parents to begin with. As if they had just been a blur, a couple I had formed in my mind but which had never existed in real life. 

Yet as I felt Gabriel hold onto me with a new level of strength, I felt compelled to share with him what he he wanted to Know. And I also felt glad knowing that he cared enough to ask.

" I hated being a kid, " I confessed. My tone low and my head in the crook of his head,I wasn't sure he was listening but I didn't ask, I just spoke. Shaking off the emotions that were starting to creep into my voice.

" People are always talking about how fun being a child is, that children have no cares...I never quite agreed. "

I kept quiet then, and Gabriel still said nothing. I figured that he might even be asleep,and there I was, opening up my heart to him. But he smoothed his hand over my back again and I knew he was alert.

" My dad died when I was young, " I didn't tell him how young exactly I had been. He didn't need to know absolutely everything.

" I think people assumed I was too young to understand what was going on. Mostly because I just kept quiet throughout the entire time, so they thought I had been spared the pain. But I felt it. "

" What happened to him? " he asked in a tone I had never heard him use before. Up until that moment I hadn't thought he possessed that lever of affection.

" Heart failure, " I casually stated and went on.

" I remember my mother and I standing next to her casket...then all these strangers would walk over to us and tell us how my dad was in a better place. And all I could think about was whether he had gone there because it would be better than our home. Whether we had upset him, "

My mom had always been sweet before her suicide, sh loved to play with me. I recalled the little moments we had had. I had been withdrawn even back then, but she had been the only person I could freely talk to. The one I could turn to whenever I was down. She had literally been my best and only friend since I had a hard time making any in school. It had been so rare to see her without a smile, which was why whenever she had been sad, I had tried my best to cheer her up.

My father had been more of the introverted type. He worked from home and was always on his computer or going through documents. 

A stranger to me in a lot of ways, but a stranger that I had loved. So when my grandma had gone to pick me up from school and told me about his death I had been in shock. And the shock had altered my ability to react. 

She assumed I felt nothing I suppose, being quiet was normal in my case. I never spoke unless spoken to. 

 "That first week after my dad's death my mom had tried her best to brave on. But I saw the difference. She would zone out frequently, or just burst out crying out of the blue. It had hurt the most to see her in such state. I returned to school the next week. I remember that we lived off of the food people had brought us because of my dad's death. My mom couldn't do anything around the house anymore...she'd just stay in her room all day and cry. So before I left for school I'd make her breakfast, then afterwards I'd warm some food and serve it to her, " 

I was proud that I had said all that without breaking into tears. I didn't even feel the level of sadness I had expected to feel.

" She hardly ate anymore. I was worried, but I understood that she was just really sad. And that eventually the sadness would start to fade and she'd go back to being the happy mom I was used to...but then that Friday afternoon I was called from class again. I had never been more terrified. "

Crap! The tears finally caught up with me. Just appeared out of the blue. That day I'm sure I had known, deep down I had known exactly what was going on. But I still prayed that I was wrong, that maybe it was something else. Anything else 

" Just one look at my grandma's face and I had known, "

And unlike the case with my dad, that time I cried till I couldn't anymore.

" You know before then none of the kids at school really knew me. Then after both my parents died I became the talk of the whole school. I suppose they all wondered how I could be so unlucky. "

Their pity was something I had despised with my entire being. Those sympathetic glances they'd throw my way whenever I walked by always made me feel sick. 

 " I moved in with my grandma after that. She was nice and caring, but she was also old. So I suppose I ended up doing things old people would do, "

" Like what? " Gabriel asked. And I realized that he was holding me even tighter.

" I'd sow, read books, take care of her little garden, " I chuckled as I remembered those days. So did he. 

I was grateful that he hadn't asked me what had happened to my mom. I think he sensed that I didn't want to expound on that particular topic. 

" You are delightful, you know that?" 

He suddenly asked me and I looked up at him. He really had to stop looking at me like that because like I had previously mentioned, I had a weak heart. And I wasn't used to the kind of attention he was giving me. 

He could probably just turn off his feelings whenever he wanted but I couldn't. Act like these would affect me.

Which begged the question why I was still there, encouraging him to possibly hurt me in the near future.

I bowed my head and smiled.

" I'm sorry you experienced so much pain as a child. "

He sounded so sincere I wondered where the old Gabriel had gone to. This was clearly a version of himself that he didn't like to portray.

And I felt special to know that he had shown it to me. 

" It's okay, whatever happened happened. I think I'm over it now." 

He said nothing after that, but I was okay with that. Having him there was enough.