" I can't keep doing this, " I admitted. Hating that weakness, that vulnerability. But I WAS vulnerable, I had always been. When it came to him I had no control, he hadn't had to coerce me into anything, despite his antiques to get me to say yes to him, the truth was that I had consented because deep down I had wanted to.
Because I couldn't not say yes. And I feared that whenever it came to him, I would cease to use my logic and the answer would always be yes. He was confused, taken aback. I looked at him ad I saw a reaction that I hadn't anticipated, and I didn't know what to do with it. There was so much fear in those beautiful blue grey eyes. He shook his head, started to say something but then stopped and ran a hand over his face. I'm guessing he sensed the fear in my own tone, the seriousness with which I told him what I felt. And he refused to accept it, but I wasn't joking this time around.
" Layla.." he whispered my name. Almost like a plea. Almost.
" I'm sorry but I just can't. "
" Why not?"
" Just because. "
" That's not a fucking answer, because of what? Is it because of Arden?"
" This has NOTHING to do with Arden!"
" What then?"
He reached over and placed his hands on my own. In my head, his reaction to my news had been complete ignorance. I had imagined that he'd just brush my words under the mat and pretend he hadn't heard anything. Or he'd say something sarcastic in return. That was the Gabriel I had been prepared to face, nothing could have prepared me for this. He seemed almost hurt. Again.... almost.
" I just want it to end, okay?"
Before he ended up unintentionally breaking my heart. This was the wisest choice that I could make. The feelings that had been slowly growing inside me since him and I met were almost at their peak. I wasn't going to call it what it was even though I was fully aware. I wasn't going to admit, even to myself, that what I felt had nothing to do with infatuation but rather something more. Something deeper and more raw.
He slowly stood and remained unmoving, his arms hanging loosely at his sides and his head bowed. And he waited until I looked up at him before he pegged me with a razored stare that had my heart almost pounding. I didn't like his reaction to the news! I wanted his jokes, his casual comments on how I was being completely irrational. Seriousness wasn't a look that went well with who he was, who I had become accustomed to.
" That's it? Just like that? No explanations whatsoever? " He narrowed that same gaze, his features immobile as he studied me keenly. I could only shrug. Never in a million years was I going to tell him the actual truth,. I wasn't going to admit that the only reason I wanted to end whatever we had was because I was trying to shield myself from the hurt.
" Fine then, " he finally said. And I watched as he walked around the car and got in. Then he turned the vehicle around, towards the direction of the restaurant. His focus primarily on the road ahead. He didn't say a word and I feared that I had done something wrong, it surely felt like it. Never before had I seen him act like that. And I didn't want to leave things off as they were, I somehow needed to fix things. I reached over with the intention of touching his arm but he immediately tensed, then he shook his head and uttered the word, " Don't!"
I had never been more confused in my life.
My mind tried to figure out why he had suddenly just changed. Why he seemed so secretly angry...At me? The mood prevented me from saying anything because he seemed as if he'd just end up shouting at me. And for the first time since meeting him, he genuinely scared me. This was the normal fear. The dread, and I felt so small seated next to him. And I wondered whether that's just how he had always been but I had never realized. Whether that was the real Gabriel Germaine.
His icy silence, his equally chilled expression and the slight darkness in his eyes. He was driving a lot faster, and the second he got to the restaurant he stopped and opened up the door. I turned to him but he didn't look back, he didn't say anything either.
Why was he doing that? Acting the way he was? I didn't want to have to leave him in that state but I had no choice. But before I left, I reached over and gently combed my fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes and remained still. And he didn't open them until he heard me walk away.
That entire day I was unable to concentrate on anything else. I felt bad. But once I logically thought about everything, I concluded that I had made the right choice. The only reason I had refused to give myself completely to him was because I feared that afterwards, he'd be done with me. I had convinced myself that that was all he wanted and once he got it there would be nothing more I could offer that he'd want. And so I had held out for as long as I could. Tried to get as much time out of it as possible. But I wasn't satisfied! I needed more and he couldn't give me that. And besides, our worlds were miles apart. He was the famous Bachelor Billionaire Playboy that was used to getting things done his way and I was...Layla. Nothing more. I wasn't interesting, I didn't know about art or fashion trends and I definitely didn't have the entire world at my feet. So it was never really going to work.
" Hey, I thought you had taken the test of the day off. Weren't your in-laws leaving today?" I suddenly heard Dahlia's voice ask. I had been seated on a chair at the corner of the kitchen sulking by myself. There wasn't much to do and I didn't feel like having company. I immediately stood and looked up, on top of everything, I didn't want my boss thinking I was slacking off at work. She was nice but I didn't want to seem like I was taking advantage.
" No, they came by here instead. I didn't see the need to go with them, "
" And they were okay with that?"
I nodded absentmindedly. My focus had shifted completely, I was busy looking at the girl standing beside Dahlia. I was positive I had seen her around the restaurant once or twice. She had one of those faces that were impossible to forget. The brunette was busy typing on her phone, I looked at how elegantly dressed they both were and all I could think was that they were more of Gabriel's type. Rich, confident and attractive. Nothing at all like me. Her eyes widened in shock as she stared at her phone's screen, then she looked up at Dahlia and tapped her shoulder to get her attention.
" Oh my God! He's not texting me back! " She said. Dahlia shook her head and chuckled.
" It's been five seconds Crystal, I'm sure he's busy working, "
The girl, or Crystal in this case, shook her head vigorously.
" Nope, the contract with his client was supposed to end this morning. He should be free until tomorrow, "
" Then maybe he went to the bathroom, or to grab something to eat...or maybe he's trying to read through all the texts you've left him. "
" What if he's forgotten all about it?" Her voice almost cracked and I wondered whether I ought to still be standing there.
" Impossible. Now quit worrying will you?"
" Urgh! This is so frustrating!"
I started to walk away when Dahlia held my arm and stopped me. Then she apologized for reasons I was unaware of before she turned to Crystal who also finally seemed to notice me. Her face lit up in an eye turning smile.
" Oh, hey there. " She stretched out her arm and I took it, smiling back.
" Layla, this is my friend Crystal, Crystal, meet Layla. She's the new chef I told you about. "
Crystal slowly nodded as the realization sank in. Then she told me how pleased she was to meet me and that she was sorry for being so unattentive.
" I'm not usually like this, I promise. It's just that I have my grand opening tonight and there's still so much I haven't done and time is running out and-" she cut herself off an placed a hand on her forehead.
" Christ, I'm babbling. Sorry, "
I told her it was okay. But I didn't ask anything else because it had never been in my nature to pry. Plus I didn't know her, and I was never good around people I didn't know, Crystal however, was a fan of talking.
I noticed that within the first five minutes of our interaction, and she was also nicer than I had anticipated. From the outside, she had always looked like one of those entitled girls that were unnecessarily mean to everyone. But I had been wrong in my assumption, she was just as nice as Dahlia, maybe even more.
I envied her confidence.
" Hey, your shift ends at six, right?" Dahlia asked me and I slowly nodded.
" Would you mind helping us out with the event, it's nothing big I promise. "
One of my less admirable qualities about myself was my incapability to ever say no. And so I assured them that I'd help with whatever they needed.
" You're an angel! Thanks so much, " Crystal said as she came closer and hugged me, I hadn't been expecting it so all I did was smile and place a hand on her back. She was a bit on the shorter side, I wasn't that tall either but I was taller than her by a couple of inches. She did however have this aura of cheerfulness around her that somehow made her seem approachable once you knew her. She was quite bubbly as well. A true girlish girl. We couldn't be more different.
" I have a friend, she's an event planner, I'm certain she'd love to help as well, " I said after I recalled my date with Cassie. They assured me it was okay.
" Just her though, like I said, it's not a large event. " Crystal stated and I nodded.
" Yeah, it's just her. "
Her phone buzzed and she immediately looked down and laughed.
" Let me guess, he texted back?" Dahlia asked her and she nodded, turning the phone to Dahlia for a few seconds before she drew it back.
" Gosh! I cannot unread that. " Dahlia said, a hand on her belly and the other on her eyes, the two of them said bye and walked away laughing. And because I still had nothing to do, I went back to sulking as I thought about my current situation with Gabriel.