Chapter 127

He tilted his head to the side, then he took a single step in and tucked one hand into his pocket. His eyes hooded with confusion and layered with something I closely related to anger. I had seen that look before, when I ran off, and before that when he stormed into my room because he suspected I liked Arden. But this one was worse. 

Gabriel Germaine had never before looked at me like that. 

" Gabriel?" His name dried in my throat. My heart gained speed and I was struggling to concentrate. 

He slowly and cautiously walked over to where I was, then he went down on one knee and reached for my hand, holding it in both of his. 

" What did you do sweetheart?" 

The amount of disappointment in that question was overwhelming. Yet he still looked at me with a little fraction of hope, and I knew there was only one reason for him to be asking me that. The same reason why I had been a secret mess over the past weeks. But how had he known?

The tears formed. I wanted to hit myself because of how stupid I felt. 

" Cassie told you?" 

He sighed. Seeming more confused, then he shook his head. 

" Crystal, " I uttered. When I had told her I hadn't been sure, it had been a strong hunch and it disturbed me until I couldn't sleep. I hadn't even been functioning well. Then Cassie came over and I told her as well, she took it upon herself to ensure my doubts were cleared before she left. And they were. 

" What would they tell me?"

Did he not know? I looked away and hung my head, holding the tears in because I knew he wasn't going to like what I told him. 

" You were never really taking the pill, were you?" 

I held onto his hands with all the might I possessed before I sniffled back a cry. Perhaps he and I weren't that different when it came to the crazy department. 

" I'm sorry, " 

It was a weak whisper, I tried to search for his eyes but he was intentionally avoiding the eye contact. The he released my hand and stood, stepping away from me and turning to face the other side. His hands on his waist. 

" I don't understand. Why?"

" I don't know!"

" What do you mean you don't know? I saw the bloody footage! Does this mean you've never actually been on the pill? All this time?" 

I didn't know what footage he was referring to and neither did I care. I was slightly relieved that he knew because it had been eating me up inside. Each time I thought about having to tell him I felt sick to my stomach. 

He blew out a breath and fisted his hand in his hair. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay in there forever. 

" You were scared your friends were going to tell me something, " he said after a lengthy pause. Then he slowly turned to look at me. I had wanted him to do that, but the second he did I looked away. The blue grey of his eyes was burning, as if the sense of betrayal was scorching him up. I wiped away the stupid tears, then I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. 

" Are you?" He finally asked. His voice a little shaky because even he couldn't believe what he was asking. I was the only one responsible for all that, I had been scared and now I had gotten us into something completely irreversible. I couldn't even say I had been stupid because that wasn't enough to explain it. My lack of a response told him all he needed to know. He cursed under his breath, then he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. 

" There has to be a reason, that's not the type of thing you just do. "

My hand fell to my belly but I just as quickly retrieved it. I still hadn't come to face with the haunting reality. I was not at all ready for such a drastic change, neither mentally nor physically. Perhaps it sounded crazy considering it had technically been my doing, but it was the truth. 

" Goodness fucking gracious! Why aren't you say anything?" 

" Because I have nothing to say!"

" But sweetheart you did this! You had to have known of the inevitable consequences of your actions otherwise you wouldn't have done it in the first place. "

" Just stop."

" People go to the gym because they wanna lose weight! They wear bloody perfume because they wanna smell nice! They don't use the pill because they wanna get fucking pregnant!" 

" Stop! Just...just stop!"

" But it's the truth! I am sorry for being dramatic but I think it's fair to say this time my reaction is completely justified!"

" I was scared!" 

" Scared of what for God's sake?!" He  abruptly stood. I buried my head in my hands, the desire to pull all my hair out was extremely strong. I was stressed out enough as it was without him making things worse. 

" I don't need this right now!" 

I attempted to stand and walk out of there but he wouldn't let me, he walked over to the door and locked it, leaning against it afterwards with crossed arms. 

He had reacted exactly how I feared he would, but there had been a tiny part of me that had imagined things turning out a bit differently. 

" Where're you going? You can't just walk out in the middle of such a conversation. "

I was one and a half months pregnant. It had, as he had said, been inevitable. I knew that! 

Did I want kids? Sure, when I was a bit older, maybe in three or so years after I managed to change Gabriel's perspective on the matter. So I understood why he seemed so confused. 

" This is serious Layla, "

" You think I don't know that?"

" Stop shouting, come on.." he held my arm and led me to the bed, then he made me sit before settling down next to me. I could sense his fight for clarity. He was still shocked, angry and confused, but he was trying to calm down because he didn't want to either do or say anything harsh. In other words, he was being the mature and straight minded one between us, which was a first. He cursed again, then he ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat, loosening his tie in the process. 

" Sooo, you were scared, "

I felt his hand on my thigh. He had no clue how comforting that simple gesture was. I wanted more but there was ice between us still. 

" Of what?" 

" Come on sweetie, I know you. I know this wasn't some cliche master plan to get me to stay with you. "

" What if it was?"

" Then I'll need you to explain it to me because I have never been this blind sighted. "

" But I really don't know! It sounds lame but I don't!" 

" So it was out of impulse?" 

I weakly nodded. 

" Once I missed that first day, I just kept on doing it. I knew I shouldn't but..."

" You couldn't help it. And now you're pregnant. "

I felt like an awful human being for doing that to him. And the fact that he was trying to be supportive only made me feel worse. He had made it clear how he felt about such things. It was no secret that fatherhood had never been in his plans. I felt like a manipulative and selfish person. 

" How far along?" 

" six weeks or so. "

" Hmm, so there's a chance you were pregnant even before I gave you the pills?"

" I guess so. But it's still my fault--"

" It's no one's fault. Let's not think like that. "

" I'm sorry, "

" And stop apologizing. "

He ran a hand over his face. Then he told me he was gonna use the washroom for a minute but he'd be right back.

" Stay put, " he instructed. The second he was out of sight I laid back on the bed and clutched my hands on my chest. Then I stared at the ceiling, wondering whether that was all some messed up dream and I was going to wake up soon and realize none of it had been real. Gabriel finally returned, he had clearly splashed water on his face. So I wasn't the only one who thought it wasn't real. 

" I'm crazier than you think I am. " I finally told him. Sneaking a quick glance at him and staring back at the ceiling. 

" I knew that as long as you loved me you wouldn't let me go. You've proven that over and over. But I had nothing, I feared one day you'd realize that you're done with me. I needed something to make sure you never completely left. "

When he didn't say anything I assumed he was taking it all in. Absorbing both the reality and my words. 

" It was all in my head though, even while carrying it out I never actually expected this to happen...not so soon at least. "

His soft footsteps as he came closer. 

" Do you hate me now? If I were you I probably would. "

He finally sat back down. Then he laid on his back as well, right next to me, he turned his head to face me. 

" You could drive a knife through me and I'd still adore you. "

" I know this isn't how love is supposed to work, but I really did do it because I love you. "

" I know. That's what makes it easier to understand, because I feel the same way about you, and I always wondered whether it was too much? If I perhaps loved you more than was natural, if you loved me back in the same way...... but now I know you do. "

" But this tops every crazy thing you've ever done, doesn't it?"

He chuckled, then he sighed softly and inched closer. 

" I love you though, with all your craziness. "

I looked at him because I wanted to check something, to see it in his eyes how he actually felt about everything. Because even though he loved me, it still wouldn't be fair to make him do something he hadn't been ready to do. 

" I love you too. But you don't have to stick around simply because you feel like you need to..." Just saying that pained me tremendously. 

" I swear I won't hold it against you if you walk away from this--"

" Stop that. " He instructed, then I felt his hand on my belly. His palm warm, his touch loving and tender. 

" With all your craziness, " he repeated softly. 

" I'll probably need about a month to really internalize all this, but as I told you before Layla, you're stuck with me for life. "

" Are you still mad though?" 

He shifted to lie on his side, then he looked down at me, his hand still in place on my stomach. 

" I won't lie, I was a bit shocked at first, but I really do understand. Come on, it's me, the guy who bought out entire buildings just to keep you close. "

" That was actually kinda sweet now that I think about it. "

" Finally! You understand my charm. "

" I really really love you. "

There was no way for me to tell him that enough times. Even if I said it, I still felt like I needed to do or say something else because the feelings I had for him were insane. They controlled me. 

" I really really love you too. Don't worry, we'll work this out. " He rubbed his hand over my belly and I nodded, and when he leaned down to kiss me I kissed him back with need and desperation. He was just lovely. And knowing that he was mine filled me with such pride and joy. 

" So we're gonna be parents, " he stated afterwards, sounding as if he was still wrapping his head around the fact. 

" We are. "

" To an actual human child. "

" Yap. "

He shrugged and offered me a sincere smile. 

" Well, at least we still have an entire year before it's born. "

I leaned back, my eyes wide as I stared at him. He looked so serious, but then he burst out laughing and I blew out a breath. Because yes, Gabriel was the type of guy that could actually believe children took a year to be born. 

" I'm joking, Jesus Layla! Have some faith in me, will you? "

" I am very scared for this child. "

" Why? I manage multiple companies at once sweetheart, how hard can managing one tiny child be?"

That didn't by any chance put me at ease, but as long as I had him. I could lack everything else on this earth, but as long as he was still with me then I'd be perfectly okay. Because what we had might not have been perfect, but it was just what we both needed. 

His gaze darkened, then he got on top of me and caged me beneath him, seeming deep in thought. 

" Wait, we can still do it, Right?" He finally asked. I could only laugh and hold him tight.