Chapter 236: Everything For Me

I said this to her and turned my head the other way. But she walked to the direction where I threw my face, she held my face, stare me deep in the eyes, and say.

"No, no, definitely not, I have my life, and I am living my life, and listen, my love, I appreciate that you care about my well-being, but I will like you to know that it is not in your place to worry about me, let me think, and do not ever feel like I am throwing my life away for your sake. Listen to me, everything I do, I do it for me, I do it for my own selfish interest. I try to please you at all costs because that is what makes me happy, seeing you happy gives me joy. I make sacrifices, though it may look like I am doing it for you and you alone, but no my dear, I am also doing it for me. If I should get married, I will definitely have other children, now do not misconstrue it, it's not like I do not want more children, but you see, getting married and having other children from another man could be perilous, I will want to please my husband at all cost, that is my duty as an African wife. And my so-called husband might not even have interest in you, you might not be a partaker in his inheritance, now you see when this happens, I might break and die, so you see, I need you to be happy so I can be happy, it is not like I am doing it for you, I am literally doing it for me, God my selfish interest."

Mom said. I just paused and stared at her with a gape. Her words scared me, this means that she might never know what it means to be really happy, how can she be depending on my happiness to be happy? this was what I was talking about, she needs to be truly happy, get her own raw joy, a first-hand joy, not a second-hand joy, a fairly used joy, that is very hazardous.

"Mom! Listen to yourself. What have I done to you? You are breaking my heart with your words, what do you mean by you do it for yourself, you literally do everything for me, you never decide for ur interest, it must be me first, you do things regardless of how it makes you feel, as far as I am good you are good, no mom, it is even more perilous to live your life this way, you need a partner mom, I am not your life partner, I am your son, you need someone you will plane life with. Mom, no, you need to wake up from this horror fantasy and get a life of your own, common, can you not be a little selfish for once? Ok, what happened to self-love? No, tell me, what happens to the teachings you often give me about self-love? ok, let me borrow your own words and use them for you. 'Self-love has nothing to do with selfishness. It is only the first phase of love, for, without self-love, there is no love in general, even the Bible said, " love your neighbor as yourself", how can you then love your neighbor if you lack love for yourself'. I think I did justice to this, right?"

I said seriously but ended up very hilariously.

"Hahahah, you are very funny my love, come here."

Mom said laughing, I actually rejected her offer for a hug, I stepped backward instead of forward. 

"No mom, I am not hugging you, not yet, I didn't call you out of your friends here just for a hug, mom, you have to decide for yourself, and listen, I like fake dad, you have better go and accept him because if you don't, his blood will be in your hand."

So I said to mon, this only got her even more surprised as he gaped at me, 

What do you mean? Talk to me, on talk to me, what do you mean by his blood will be in my hand?  Talk to me, common, tell me what you know."

She said acting all panicking. It was now clear that behind that staunch woman there is a won't person lurking there.

"Mon, I read his thought, and before you even came out he kept saying that if he does not get your acceptance then he will end his miserable life."

So I said.

"Oh my God! Are you serious? No no no! I think this man is trying to blackmail me."

Mom said.

"Seriously, how is he blackmailing you? Can't you see that he is only begging for your mercy? I really do not see anything that looks like blackmail." 

So I said to her.

"Now tell me, aside from killing himself what else did you read? Do you think he is sincere with his apology? Are you sure he didn't come here just to get vengeance against us for what we did to him?"

Mom asked, really I won't lie, the way mom's mind work sometimes really baffles me, how could she even think of this? Why must she have that cruel thing about him in her mind?

"Tell me mom, you and aunty Paula are the ones who know him better, and as a matter of fact, you know him best, and he had indeed made a mistake before, a very disturbing one, but still I am sure that you know the things that he can do and that which he can't. So tell me by yourself, do you truly think that he could do such a thing to you? When he hurt you, did you seek vengeance? Why then do you think he will want to do that?" 

I asked mom.

"Common, will you answer my question? Who said you can ask me questions, mom said raising her voice, trying to intimidate me into responding to her questions.

" yes mom, I heard his thoughts, even while he pleaded with you, he was not lying, he meant every single thing he had said to you. Mom, I think and believe that he truly loves you and he is really sorry for his wrongdoing. And like I said before, I like him, and since you only do things that make me happy, why not accept fake dad I will be happy, so you can feed on the joy. Hahaha! But seriously mom, it will give me great joy to know that you and he are back together."

So I said to mom. This actually sent some ray of light on her face.

"Really? So you like him, hmm... Well, you know that there is no way I will just accept his pleading so soon, I am sure you know that I will have to play a little hard girl, you know right?"

She said. Very funny isn't it? I thought that was the norm for young teenage girls, now mom is also 

"Really? Mom? Is that necessary? You and I know that it is not necessary, when someone errs you and asked for forgiveness, I think it is only normal to accept or not accept, there is no need to play hard or don't, common mom, you can be funny sometimes."

So I said to her and we both laughed.

"Hmm... So I shouldn't even think about it? Common, why are you even interceding for him? I thought you never liked him before."

Mom asked me, she looked at me in a quiet questioning tone, 

"Yeah... Hmm... Yeah, I don't, but that was then, that was before I get to know him, he truly is a nice person, its quite a shame that he is not my real dad, but I still like him for you, he is a very nice person, he sure knows how to pamper, and I think you need a man like him, one who truly knows your worth, a man who can ignore the presence of anybody and go on his knees regardless of his economic status just to beg you. Mom, that is definitely the kind of man for you. Mom, hmm, for me, I just don't know, I am not sure if I can do that which he did for you, not now, not ever, that man deserves some accolade."

So I said in response to her query.

"You... Hmm... I know you have a very strong heart, only God knows the kind of lady that will ever break you."

Mom said, I looked at her as she said this, in my mind I said, 'Oh, ignorant mom', she never know that I have already found that girl in this my early age. But for a fact, I really do love Cynthia but I am still yet to see any reason why I will crawl on my knees to beg. So I think that she might be right there.

"My dear, your pride is from your bloodline, you see your dad, you see how he fall, I even wonder how you manage to have sympathy, those people are so inhuman, I am sorry honey, I know he is your dad, but the truth be told, they are horrible. Well thank God you will never go to them, your father thinks that he can buy you with gifts, little did he know that you are my son, and we can never be bought."

So mom said, I think she just digressed from the original conversation, and I will really not like to start that conversation so I had to change the topic or should I say end the conversation quickly.

"Mom, this is not why we are here please, I believe that we are already done with the talk and that we have already come to a conclusion which is that you will go out there and accept his apologies, but we are not leaving our home oo."

So I said. Really, mom will like me to never go and meet dad, though I will love to do as she wants but I just don't know, I often get this craving for the sea, I am a water lover, and if I can never swim on land, why not I go to the sea where I can swim my whole life? I have even fantasized about me being the king of Atlantis, Dad said we are descendants of Poseidon, an entity I have always known to be an ordinary myth from the Greeks, little did I know that he is my ancestor, I really love to explore the sea, and mom does not know that I can actually like to visit the sea once a while, not like leaving her forever, because I will never trade my mom for anything, but if I can spend weekends in the, I dont see anyone getting hurt by that, so I thought.

"No, hold on boy, you want me to just walk in there and tell him that I have accepted his apology? Just like that? Boy, you don't know your mom, I will not, I will still go in there and form like I am still mad at him, I will still make him beg some more."

Mom said, she actually look serious when she said this. Like seriously, I never knew that my mom can actually ant that way, what is there in accepting apologies when you have already forgiven the person. These are just some of the things that I still gound difficult to understand in ladies, I just don't know why they often enjoy the reputation of the "difficult to understand". For a fact, if there is a lesson that I have learned, both from mom and Cynthia, yes both of them, because they are the only two ladies that I have chosen to spend my life with, so if there is anything that I have learned in them is that I should never try to understand a lady completely.