Chapter 140

Joseph sat alone wearing a new face at the green house and soon, he was able to attend to people comfortably.

They didn't know him, he was introduced by Maxwell as one of the lost some of Mr Jack and some persons came to greet him.

So many of them knew Maxwell and if he was the one saying it, they believed him and to think that the new man in town had things to offer to them, he was medically inclined and he could give medical advise, just what they needed.

Doctor Walter was giving him financial support, but he stayed far, to avoid any suspicion.

It's been months since his supposed death, and people were gradually forgetting about him, nobody talks about him again and he was no longer remembered that much except for the house of the Anderson, they never forget him because they have a constant reminder with them.

The need to see Anna was so strong that Joseph needed a better disguise, he had tried to forget her, but it was so difficult for him, it was like staying under the sea and opening your mouth.

He was too deep inlove with Anna, he wants it to stop, he wants to stop loving her, but he just couldn't.

It was no secret that Emotionally, he was going to get hurt. Because what he was trying to do was so difficult.

Many times he had found himself standing infront of Andrew's house, watching her. Taking even greater risk of getting caught.        She was always alone at the garden, he found out, she had no one with her, not even a maid.

So it was true? she was suffering for what he did.           

He even got himself a new phone, with Maxwell's help and sometimes, he would stand infront of the house and call her, just to hear her voice, she would repeated shout 'Hello, Hello and would finally end the call. she was looking so beautiful even with her portruded belly.

On one other occasion he had seen Petranilla bring Angel to her, it seems as though they even denied her from seeing her daughter.

"This was too much he said to himself".            If she doesn't love him nor want him is not her  fault,  he couldn't blame her, he have only himself to blame, but he wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to stop loving her.   Maybe this was his punishment- to live someone who wouldn't love him back, maybe it was his cross which he must carry.

He remembered talking with Maxwell about his feelings for Anna and how he needed and urgent help to stop loving her and Maxwell had given him the following tip, he said.

"Loving someone so dearly is not always easy, because it is usually easy to fall inlove, but falling out of love, Is the difficult part, because your high hopes can get really dusted.         

This is the part in life, most people aren’t prepared for, because most people aren’t prepared to get knocked down on their asses. As a matter of fact nobody is But thinking back to some of my spectacular failures and mistakes, I now recognize that it’s how I’ve persevered emotionally that has mattered in the end. 'you need to be emotionally strong.

"But that was the hard part, he wasn't ready, he wasn't strong emotionally.

"Breaking up with my wife to pretend I'm dead, and when I came back she rejects me,  Only to rebuild my life and find her again. Boy, did those wounds sting. But it kept getting better.

What about Getting fired from my job, only to rebuild my professional life, work ethic, emotional framework and resolve to jump start my entrepreneurial and professoinal career? The best thing that ever happened to me for future success.

It’s crazy. Getting knocked down is the best thing that can happen to you as long as you promise yourself you’ll get back up — and never give up. I understand it can be really hard sometimes. you were once a known gynecologist, and all of a sudden you have to live as a dead person, hiding from the world,  without a trace of where you are going, but I tell you, you need to find your self and try and know where you are going and forget wanting who probably doesn't want you.

Joseph now walks from one place to the other, doing other things, he even goes to church, that was like the only place he could find Solace.

He never use to believe God loves him, but he had heard loads of testimonies from people and he couldn't help, but begin to queue in gradually into the love that people share together, not the love they claim God has for them.

After Joseph's tour around the town, just when he was about to retire back to his house, it was already evening, passing around area D he saw a gathering of young adults and someone was talking to them, he suddenly became interested and decided to listen to what the man was saying.

"What about you? Where are you going? Where have you been. What are you doing about it?  At first, those rhetorical questions felt like it was actually addressed to him, which was what caught his initial attention.   "I guarantee you, ( he continued) you’ve made more progress than you think. How are you going to lock in those gains? How are you going to ensure that the imprint of your identity, which has been left on the lives of others, and your own, will continue to push on, even when setbacks, distractions and adversity strikes? This man was surely talking to him, he had thought about these same things over and over again.

"Why would we ever do anything if we’re just going to forget why we did it? Remember where you are. Remember where you’ve been. Don’t ever think that progress you’ve made on your journey has been in vain.

You can always build off of the foundation you’ve created. These are your values. These are your wins and lessons learned.             Use them to your advantage to propel yourself in the direction of the life you desire.

I knew something was off.(this time, Joseph took a seat behind, he didn't have to open any door, they were just outside) Caught in the midst of a busy job, family responsibilities and “life happening,” I was drifting away from the man I had become. Maybe you’ve been there too. This is what happens when we forget the progress we’ve made. Let’s face it — if you’re looking to take big steps in your life, you have to have a memory. To move forward, you want to know where you’ve been, so you can get to your destination.

You’re looking to consolidate your gains. Only a crazy person would invest time, energy — true sweat equity — into something only to abandon it for no good reason. I’d come so far in getting into a daily regimen of writing, coaching and moving forward toward publishing my first book. Then, family and job duties called. Next thing I knew, I was in the vicious cycle of life.

When you’re there, you realize that like a hamster on a wheel, it’s hard to slow down. We tend to rely exclusively on the left-side of our brains, with little regard for the creativity, imagination and gifts of wonder that illuminate our thoughts and dreams. In other words — we’re focused on process and tasks, not what we love.

When you’re not doing what you love — what God put you here to do — your life is not in rhythm. What should be easy becomes difficult. For most of us, the biggest challenge in our personal development is finding — then doing that thing we’re meant to do. Joseph, couldn't say, if he was doing what he loves do, if he did back then what he was meant to do, he was supposed to be a great researcher, a great man, and now he was going to have to hide for the rest of his life, could he ever get back to what he left off?

But know that once you get there, it’s about staying there and locking in what you’ve already learned — what you’ve already done. See, progress is multi-faceted. For one thing, it’s spiritual. How? We come to peace of mind with our place in the universe and how the pieces in our lives connect. A great example of this is our acceptance of our place in life. No matter how much we may yearn to reach our dream, we have to know there’s a time and place for everything.

Spiritually, we have to accept that the plans of the universe are often not what we envision in our minds. You may want to become the next CEO of a breakthrough mobile app company, but it may not be your time yet. You may not be ready, even though you think you are. That doesn’t mean you quit and adopt a bad attitude. It means you keep going, but accept your place at that time.

Mentally, if we’re paying close attention and living our life by a code of values, we know when we’ve made strides. We know because if we’re smart, we’ve made plans and we’re working on them everyday. We’re working through adversity, distractions and successes. Mentally, our cognition should be attuned with tracking and keeping record of where we want to be and where we want to go.

Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. 

Physically, the will to keep going is real. It’s the rise at the beginning of each day. We have to become addicted to the end goal while appreciating the journey and using that as our motivation to keep going. We can’t only live in our minds and in our imaginations. We need to physically be present and willing to put ourselves out there

Emotionally, we’re going to get hurt. We’re going to have highs and lows. This is the part in life most people aren’t prepared for, because most people aren’t prepared to get knocked down on their asses. Heck, I wasn’t. But thinking back to some of my spectacular failures and mistakes, I now recognize that it’s how I’ve persevered emotionally that has mattered in the end.

He had heard those exact words before, they seem to be echoing in his mind.

Could he really forget Anna?                       could he get his life back?                             Was there even a chance for him to live a better and normal life like every other person?

would he find love? Those questions could and would be answered with time, but for now, he needed to focus on getting his life back.

He walked back to his house and sat alone as usual.

(Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain—a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with an unwanted lack of connection and intimacy. Loneliness overlaps and yet is distinct from solitude. Solitude is simply the state of being apart from others; not everyone who experiences solitude feels lonely. As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people; one who feels lonely, is lonely.)

Joseph was lonely in every aspect possible, he had tried everything possible to forget  Anna, but unfortunately, her thought was the only thing that occupies his heart, he wants to see her, he wants to spend time with her, maybe if he did reveal himself to her, he could forget her, maybe if he did hold her hands just once, he might, just be able to forget her for good.

He plans to show himself to Anna.