Chapter 61

" I'm thinking. "

" About what? "

" The past. " 

She looked up at him. At the silver eyes that held so much love for her. At the reassuring look he gave her before he stole a quick kiss. 

" I told you, you don't have to tell me anything. Really, I'm happy just as things are. "

Rubbing his hand up and down her arm, he narrowed his eyes into the distant sky where he thought he had seen a familiar moving figure. It was almost as if a particular concentration of stars were dancing around, and beside the visibly glowing stars was a golden form he could recognize anywhere. And the laugh that he heard afterwards confirmed it. He shook his head as he watched Kael and Phelan playing their own secret game high up in the sky. 

" Are those?... " Flame began, following Nuriel's gaze. 

" I believe so. "

She chuckled, leaning her head back on his shoulder. And once again they settled into the silence. Watching with keen eyes as the two angels soared impossibly high, before they dived down like two arrows of surreal beauty. They were competing, Flame assumed. And the assumption was confirmed when Phelan laughed after beating the golden angel. 

" They're really close, aren't they? "

" They are, they rescued and understood each other when the rest of us were too broken to do so. And for that I'm glad, those two have been through pain so unimaginable I can't help but feel my heart clench at the memory. "

Flame turned to the two angels again who were barely visible apart from the glow of their wings. Looking at them one could never imagine that they had known suffering. She heard Kael as he yelled out her name and she laughed, waving at their direction. 

" It was my fault they killed her, " Nuriel suddenly said after a long while. 

Frowning, Flame turned to face him. Her brows knit together as she tried to figure out what exactly he was referring to. 

" My mother, " he uttered. It was barely a whisper but she heard him. And she decided to let him finish off what he was saying before she talked. 

Bringing his knees up, Nuriel rested both his arms on top, trying to distract himself from his words by observing Kael and Phelan's joyful moment. Though the attempt never worked. There was no distancing his words from his emotions. It just could not be done.

" On the way to the hall, my father felt their bond as it weakened. Normally that would mean that one's bonded mate is in distress.... "

Locking his fingers together, he turned his face to the side, sucking in a deep breath. 

" He knew she was in trouble... he was certain that she needed him. But I, " closing his eyes, kept all those overwhelming emotions at bay as best he could. 

" I stopped him from going back!.... over and over he insisted on returning home but I stopped him! " he ground the words out with the self directed rage he had tried so hard to unleash. To filter out of his mind and thoughts. 

" I don't know why I did, but I stopped him! "

Taking off the cloak, Flame sat up on her knees while facing him. Then she wrapped her arms around him. Not being able to bare seeing him like that, it broke her to hear the pain in his voice and the haunted look in his eyes brought tears to her own. 

" I killed her Flame.... " 

She shook her head and ran her hand over the delicate curve of his wing where it connected to his back. 

" Don't say that, "

" I killed her.... " this time he said it like it was a truth he had just come to terms with. His eyes unblinking as they stared straight ahead. 

" Of course you didn't, stop saying that because we both know it's not true. "

" But it is! " he roared and although she jumped, she refused to let go of him. 

" If I let him go back then - "

" Then he would have probably been killed as well. Same to you. And weren't you the one that gave me that whole talk on ' not forgetting your past but living past it ' huh,? "

She made him look at him and he willingly did. Then she cupped his cheek and sat back on her heels. 

" Look, I get why you're angry at yourself. And I also get why you're hurt, It's the same with me. I don't want to think about... " she waved her hand dismissively so that she wouldn't have to actually mention what she was referring to. 

" It's awful, the guilt and the pain! And despite your master advice, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop blaming myself for what I did. And I don't think I ever will. But! - "

She quickly wiped away the tear that had rolled down her cheek. Trying to put on her bravest face for him. 

" But there's nothing I can do. It happened, I can't change that despite how much I want to. And if apart from living with the guilt I also made myself miserable then I don't think I would be here right now. " 

Nuriel watched as her expression changed and grew somewhat distant. Meanwhile Flame recalled a fact she could not believe she had forgotten. Sitting back down, she wrapped her arms around herself protectively. Then Nuriel took the cloak and covered her up again. 

" You know, if you hadn't come for me that day, I wouldn't be here. And if that stupid director hadn't tried to.... " she blocked those images from her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

" M'eudail? "

The concern with which he called her was purely heartbreaking. To know that even now, when he was clearly breaking inside, she was still his primary concern. 

" I was going to try and kill myself. I mean, I wasn't sure whether it would work but I was so desperate that I would have given anything to just die. "

Nuriel parted his lips, but he had no clue of what he would say. What she was telling him was difficult to believe. To know that she had been in that much pain, that she had been suffering to such an extent... the realisation made his eyes glow with fury. 

And although she would have most likely not died due to her power and nature, the thought was still too painful to comprehend. 

" Hey, it's okay. I mean, I'm alive right? " she smiled weakly and he just had to hold her. So he scooped her up in his arms and placed her on his lap. Needing the feel of her against him. 

" Look, all I'm saying is that bad things happen. Some worse than others, but if we manage to live through them then we also ought to try and be happy. Otherwise what's the point of it all? "

He didn't even know what to say to that. What he did know however, was that she was everything to him. 

" Your wisdom amazes me m'eudail, "

She chuckled lightly, tucking her head into his chest. Feeling the beat of his heart and trying to figure out why it was she that had been granted the chance to have such a wonderful male as her mate. 

" I love you angel, " she whispered, and he looked down at her with light back in his silver eyes. She took his hand and kissed his palm. Tracing the tips of her fingers along his ear in an affectionate gesture. 

" Can you say that again?... Only louder this time. "

She laughed, then she kissed him before she looked up at the sky. And although he had been simply playing around, she decided to grant his wish. 

" I LOVE YOU ANGEL!! " 

She shouted the words loudly into the wind. 

" Lucky you Nuri, " he heard Kael's voice through their link. A very strong hint of humor in it. 

" I know, now why don't you two go fly someplace else. " sent back. Then with his hands securely around Flame, he stood and shot up into the air. 

Her laughter was endless.... and so was their love. 

                              🌼💮🌼💮🌼💮

" I want to forever hold you in my arms just as I am now, to look at you, to touch you and to hear your lovely voice for the rest of my entire existence, " Nuriel said in a soft voice as he ran his fingers through the strands of Flame's hair. 

" Keep talking like that and you'll soon turn me into a poet angel, " she said. 

She deeply sighed, tucking her head deeper into his chest with an aim of inhaling more of his magnificent scent. Listening to the low rumble of his laughter as it vibrated in his chest. 

Seated at the seat next to the bedroom window, he held her as close to him as he could. Fearing to let go. Or to even loosen his grip for he feared that she might slip away and perhaps vanish. 

He had no clue how she managed to do it. How she managed to still go on with her life with so much strength and bravery. And for that he admired her. Her and her strong will to move on. To leave the past in the past and try her best to take it one day at a time.