Chapter 111

He told me of how she had professed her love to him, and told him she would give anything to have him, anything.

It seems she had somehow caught the running argument between both of us, about that fragile matter, the matter of which I wasn't ready to even hear him talk about right now.

He told me of how she had forced herself on him, and I scoffed at his accusation. I have seen the girl in question, she doesn't look like she could kill a mouse with that slim waist and her plump shape, but here Aaron says she forced herself on him. How possible is that??.

His voice is thick with regret though, and as he narrtes all these things to me, it seems for a moment the monster I had thought replaced my Aaron was gone, and he was once more, unsure about life and unsure of himself.

Alway wanting to please his mother, and live up to the aspirations of his father. Always wanting to fit in perfectly with the crowd, and not be seen as the odd one out. It seems all these decisions suddenly make sense to me now, as I feel pity for him.

No matter how popular Aaron and been he had also carried the burden that similar others also carried in their hands. He also carried the uncertainty that almost all popular kids felt at being abandoned, being abandoned by their friends, by their parents or by anyone who matters to them. It seems even those who looked totally perfect also had something to lose in this grand scheme that was life.

A boy who bore the anxiety of a 19 year old, who was in such a rush to have sex that he overlooked everything else and jump into a relationship with someone who didn't have feelings for him. He jumped into a relationship with some girl who was attracted to him because of his face or his body, and now that she had gotten what she wanted from him, she left him hurt and all alone.

Suddenly the notion of boys not being able to feel pain over these things seem so invalid to me. I can clearly see the hurt and the pain that is inside Aron's eyes, the pain that he tried to hide with all the arrogance he could muster this morning. The pain that he so desperately wanted to hide as he swaggered up to me this morning, grinning from ear-to-ear, and telling me to take him back.

It seems that was the silent plea ll along, he was silently begging me to please overlook his mistakes and have him back. He wanted what we once had and I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for him because my heart dosen't lie with him anymore.

 Sure a tiny fragment of it still beat in accordance with his own, a fragments that seems to be dissipating day by day, as I suddenly realised even if it's beat that slammed in accordance with his. It was fast going out.