Chapter 158

It's practically makes my heart feel like it should stop beating at the answer I have settled on. I have settled on an answer that inevitably pains me as much as it pains Adrian over there.

The fact still remains he's simply too important to decide to do things for himself, he's simply too important and too famous to carry out such a decision without thinking of the effects it will have on his popularity. Even with the open-mindedness of the twenty first century I'm pretty sure there are still some people who regard this sort of love as disgusting and illegal.

There are still some people who are shallow-minded enough to simply decide to hate even mere familiarity between people of the same sex, but wouldn't it seem to anyone that I am overthinking things, wouldn't it seem I am also being drastic and comically too much at this point.

I really still do not know the sort of relationship that lies between Adrian and Scott. I don't know what sort of relationship lies between them, it might simply be friendship for all I know, maybe this just seems strange to me because I haven't seen friends act this way with each other. It might be normal to Scott to have someone else placed their arm around his neck every five minutes, and make him giggle like his laughs are the very air they breathe.

It might be normal to Scott for him have someone dote on him so much that he practically doesn't notice that I am here, or that Oakley is here, the only thing in their little world right now is each other.

 It might be normal to Scott for him to always steal glances at Adrian, and then that resigned sad look would settle on his features, the resigned sad pook that tells me he's also sad at the fact that he cannot bring himself to take this further than it is. There is only one simple explanation for what is happening here, my brother is simply playing it safe.

It might just happen that he knows of Adrian's feelings towards him, he knows that this territory is uncharted territory, uncharted territory which has probably never ended well for anyone who worked it. He knows it is uncharted territory and so he's afraid of putting his all into it, it would also be really stupid if he puts his all into an idol who everyone has such high expectations of.

I'm guessing that there's also another part that makes him hesitate, it makes him hesitate at actually believing that what is happening is genuine. I don't know exactly how they met or what formed this warmth, this familiarity between them, but I know that this probably won't last, it probably won't last a minute longer if Adrian's girlfriend comes in.

That's even what made me sad in the first place, it didn't make me sad for Scott, it made me sad for Adrian. It made me sad for him because even without him knowing it, he has already bent to the expectations that his fans have placed on him.