Chapter 149

My thoughts stray back to Eras and Clay as I realise I have practically not seen them, or thought of them throughout today, well except for now that is.

I haven't seen the two people who seem to have turned my life topsy-turvy in just a few days. I can only imagine their reaction when they get to school, and then I'm not there. My mind actually kicks itself at this thought, what special connection do I have with them that I would make them disappointed by making myself absent from school, what social connection do I have with them that my absence from school would concern them in any way.

It probably wouldn't, they would simply carry on with thier life like I never been there, exactly how every boy, every guy who has messed with me has done. Adrian has started playing with Scott's hair and I know that I am not seeing things now. I know that I am not seeing just mere familiarity.

It might be just mere familiarity to my brother, but yet I'm pretty sure to Adrian it isn't. He has that twinkle in his eyes, the same twinkle I had when I fell in love with Lucien.

Lucien was the only guy I had eyes for when we were still back in middle school. I think I was thirteen or fourteen at the time, seems such a long time ago now. Such a long time ago that someone had ruthlessly broken my heart. Lucien was fifteen if I remember correctly, and I was fourteen. It was the age when your friends would be daring you to do crazy stuff, crazy stuff that you didn't seem to have any knowledge of, but the expected you to, just because you were growing.

They expected you to have knowledge of such stuff just because your waist was becoming thinner, or because your hips were slightly enlarging, and you were growing two mounds on your chest. Lucian was what I would call my lab rat.

He was the person who would encourage me, who would encourage himself to carry out actions like kissing, or touching each other, or doing other outlandish things that I would later regret because they left me with a slick and oily feeling whenever the thrill of carrying out such things were done. I always seem to feel a certain type of loneliness, loneliness that I have always felt whenever it has been demanded of me by another person.

Lucien was my first love, I knww I loved him with all my heart and that was why I allowed myself to be so naive as to allow us experiment with each other, that was why I allowed myself be so naive as to not know the full worth of my body at the time.

Mother and I got into arguments basically every other day just because of this guy, well he wasn't really a guy yet. All in all we messed around, and we broke up.

I sigh heavily as even now I cannot still relive the details of our relationship. Scott is still trying to worm his way away from Adrian's grasp and I simply smile at this.

My eyes lock with Ash eyes the moment I look forward, and I find I become as rigid as a stone.

"What is clay doing here?"