Chapter157:hate

Alex took me downstairs where he made sure that I ate to my fill then after that he left me with Andy in the sitting room. He said he's got some work to do so he left to go to his study.

I sat next to Andy and I smiled at her. She put her phone down and she looked at me raising her brows at me." What is it dummy?"she asked and I chuckled.

"So.. you got a boyfriend or something?"I asked her and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"What do you think?"she asked and I smiled.

"What do you expect me to think? Shawn has a boyfriend now and she was hiding from me for some time. I just figured that you too might be having a boyfriend, and you are hiding it from me too."I told her smiling.

"About Shawn having a boyfriend, that I didn't know. I was in the dark just like you. And for your information, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm a single bitch."she said raising her hands in the air.

"Is it because you don't want a boyfriend, or is that you haven't found a man yet?"I asked her.

"I don't know really. I just think that I'm not ready for any commitments."she said and I chuckled.

"Who said relationships are all about commitments? It's about being happy with the guy you love. You share your problems and go through everything together because you feel the other person's anger, sadness happiness."I told her and she shook her head.

"Whatever Kim. Let's talk about you. I heard you are in trouble or something. What the hell is going on?"

"Well it's kinda long story."I told her my smile fading on my face.

"Time is what I got. I'll be staying here for a while since I have some few days free. Are you okay with that? Well your husband don't have a problem with that."she said shrugging and I smiled.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Of course you can stay here. I really don't have a problem at all."I told her and she nodded.

"So what the hell is the long story babe?"she asked and I sighed and I started telling her the story from the time I found out about Alex keeping secrets from me to the time where I came to find out that my dad is Anderson but I hid the story about Xavier from her. I just think she don't have to get worried about me being followed by some killer psycho.

"What the hell? Damn, that was hell of a rollercoaster you went through. Are you okay?"she asked and I smiled bitterly.

"I don't know. I have locked my feelings because I really don't want to feel anything. I didn't want to think of my dad at all. Andy, I wish you could have seen Anderson, he was such a good guy and I can't believe he's the same monster as my dad. I just can't take the fact that they are one and the same people, you know."I told Andy feeling tears stinging in my eyes. This is what I was avoiding, pain. I didn't want to feel hurt for people who doesn't deserve it. My dad doesn't deserve any of my emotions, let alone pain, sadness or anything.

"You do know you have to feel something right? Anything. No matter how you try to lock the feelings, they are gonna explode some day and it won't be pretty."Andy said and I shook my head.

"I don't want to feel anything because Anderson doesn't deserve anything from me. Not even my feelings. I just want to live like he doesn't exist. Just like before. It just doesn't make a difference that I know him now because I still hate him and I'm trying really hard not to feel anything. But I just can't help myself Andy. He's caused me so much suffering and now he's about to hurt my mom too. He took away my brother and sister and left me with my mom. If mom ever came to know such a thing, it would be tragic Andy. Do you know he said I was dead. He said.... I...his .. daughter.. I was dead. What kind of a father does that? I really hate...him and I don't want to ever meet him.... I.. I...."I finally sobbed and Andy came to hug me. I hugged her tightly too and I sobbed louder.

"It's okay to feel the emotions Kimberly. It's okay to hate him, and even feel pain instead of locking them in yourself. You can't lock your feelings forever babe. I know he doesn't deserve any of your feelings but you can't do anything about feelings. They are something you can't hide even from yourself. You will go through this and move on too and I will be here for you."Andy told me and I nodded.

"I just don't know how to feel about me having a sister and a brother."I said 

"Do you know who they are?"Andy asked and I pulled away from the hug.

"No... I think I will have to tell Alex to finish the story he didn't tell me. Now that I think about it, I think Sheebalie and I are cousins."I said and Andy looked at me mouth agape.

"Why the hell would you think like that?"

"Because Anderson is her uncle and if I am really Anderson's daughter then isn't she my cousin. God!! I had a crush on my cousin. Damn, Andy, can you believe this. Did she know that we are cousins all this time? It has to be that she knew. There was this time Anderson came to visit me at my job and then Sheebalie came and got him out in a hurry. Fuck!! What if she has been lying to me all this time? Andy, something is not right. Do you think......"

"Kim, calm down. Let's go slow on this okay?"she said and I nodded my head.

"Okay. I have a feeling that Sheebalie had been lying to me all this time. Something is not right."I said.

"Or maybe you are overthinking. How about instead of overthinking, you call her or arrange a meeting with her and ask her. What do you think?"Andy said and I shook my head.

"I am not ready to face anyone related to Anderson. I need time to heal so that when I face him next time, I won't be vulnerable like how I am today. I want to face him head strong with no emotions attached."I said.

"Whatever you decide babe, I'll support you. So.. what are you going to do about Sheebalie?"she asked and I thought for a while.

"I will let the matter lay down for now. What I want is for Alex to tell me who my siblings are."I said and Andy nodded.

"So what are you going to do when you find out about your siblings? What will be your next step?"she asked and I sighed.

"I don't know. I don't even know how to feel about having the siblings. I have never seen them since I was born so what I'm I supposed to feel about that? I am not happy for sure but still I'm not sad. I'm just anxious and curious maybe."I said and Andy smiled nodding.