Chapter200:make it up to you

"yeah... I wanted to talk. I think am ready to talk now."I said looking at him and he nodded smiling. I don't really know what he is smiling about because seriously, there ain't something funny or to be joking about here.

"I'm glad that you wanted to talk honey."he said and I nodded then we went into this awkward silent again." So..... your mom, she's been doing really good lately. I wonder why she doesn't want to be out of rehab yet."he broke the silent and instead of saying something that won't make me mad, he just decides to say shit about my mom's rehab situation when he is the reason why she's there in the first place.

"She's there because of you, you do know that right?"I blurted out. I could see the guilty look on his face and that's what I wanted. To see his guilty ass face.

"Look kiddo, your mom and I have been talking and I have been apologizing for that. I totally understand it's my fault and I have been trying to make it up to her and I would be making it up to you if you gave me a chance too."he said looking at Kimberly who was looking at him smiling faintly.

"I'm not my mom. She just gives people too many chances and that's not me at all. For everything that you have made us go through, you still want to make it up to us? I mean can you make up for the years that we have suffered?"I asked him raising a brow at him.

"Well, what's gone is gone that's for sure and I missed on everything related to your past sweetie but I am ready to do anything to make you see that I am really sorry."

"You just said that you missed out on my past. That's a very good answer because you missed out by choice, you could have done something but you didn't and the most unfortunate thing is that, I don't think I need you right now. I mean what is it that you would do?"I asked him stretching my hands in a questionly gesture.

"I want to make it up to you sweetheart, I want to listen to you now, do daddy stuff with you. You always wanted that right. Now I am here to do that with you. I'll dedicate most of my time with you, to spend it with you."he told me and I chuckled.

"That's not possible you know. I have my husband who is always with me, my mom, my friends and now I have my twin brother and sister. So tell me Anderson, where the hell will I find time for you. Not so soon I will be giving birth and most of my time will be for my kids. So... talk to me."I asked him and I bet I heard him hiss as if he was in pain.

"If you talk like that you are making it look as if I got no chance at all. Please Kimberly, the same time you are making for everything can you make some for me to atone for my mistakes before the story ends. I know I Hurt you pretty bad and you can't imagine how sorry I am. I am very sorry sweetheart."he said looking all pitiful but that look wasn't faked, he truly was sorry and sad and pitiful.

"Let time decide dad, I am trying to adjust that you are back."I said and when I realized that I called him dad, I wanted to kick myself so hard but I said it already. There was nothing I could do to take it back and now he was smiling so widely and brightly.

"You just called me dad, I am so happy. Can you call me dad from now honey?"he asked smiling and I looked away remembering something.

"You can't seriously be asking me to do that right?"I asked him looking at him now. The smile on his face fell and was replaced by a frown." Yeah that's right,do you know how many  times I craved to just call someone dad? You wouldn't know because you were fucking not there to know that. It hurts so much when everyone was having their dad having fun and people talking about their dad and how much fun they have. Even those who their dad died, they still talked about how their dad was great and I could just listen because I didn't have a story to tell. What could I possibly say? That my dad left me by choice and he doesn't care about me at all?"I asked yelling crying not really worried about my image right now. I could see Samuel chasing the maids out of sight maybe not to see me being a crazy maniac who is yelling at her dad.

"Honey, I didn't wan......"

"Let me fucking finish what I want to say."I cut him off raising my hands to stop him from going on." I have gone through enough, from people bullying me for my unfortunate situation of not being able to have a dad. No one probably knew I went through all that because I have never said anything. I always wished, each and every day that one day you will come and make it all stop. To come and we spend time together and maybe do something fun or whatever people do with their dads and you say, I'm proud of you, but all that was just wishes. I went through all that shit alone and now you want to come and say that you want to make it up to me. What the hell Will you do? Turn the fucking time back? Revive my lost sad and painful childhood? I learnt to let everything go but you just had to appear and make me sad again. I don't even know why I'm crying, I have been through this shit alot and I promised myself not to cry but here I am crying again. I really hate this and I don't like this and I hate you a lot for making me go through this."I said and I burst in tears and I cried out loudly.

Anderson came and sat next to me and he attempted to hug me but I started struggling hitting his chest. God!! This was really crazy and jeez, I was really crazy but who would fucking blame me. I'm allowed to be anyway, with all the shit this guy has made me go through, I deserve to be crazy. I struggled hitting him but in the end I allowed him to hug me and I cried my heart out. I could feel my babies kicking on my belly, I couldn't comfort them now. Their daddy is not around to calm them. They seem to listen to him only and they hate when I am crying or stressed and I could feel the pain but I couldn't do anything. I just cried in Anderson's chest.

"It's gonna be okay honey. I will make sure of that and you have the right to cry and hate me, hell..I hate myself too for making you go through all that shit but I had to do it. I had to protect you from the danger and keep you alive sweetheart. I will try and make it possible for us to make up for the time we didn't spend together. I promise you that."he said to me kissing my forehead while running his hands on my back and my belly. That feeling was amazing and what I wanted was to stay here for a while and the shocking thing is that my kids had stopped kicking me. Damn, maybe they like their grandpa too but they don't understand that he's the reason why I am like this but who would blame them anyway. They are small little innocent things who don't know what is really happening.

Anderson stopped rubbing my belly and I frowned on his chest. I want to feel him do that again." Can you rub my belly again, they seem to like your touch."I said with a small horse voice.