CHAPTER 36

    Dylan's whole body froze in place. She couldn't move,she couldn't blink or even feel the phone in her hands which she had just been looking at some few seconds ago. The last thing she wanted was to be in a situation such as this but here she was face to face with the person she had hoped she would at least be ready to face. She had known that facing her would be inevitable but she had hoped for some time to be ready, whatever for.

Carly kept staring at her,her mouth moving but she wasn't sure there were any words coming out. Her brother observed them in turns. All she had wanted when her boss released her was to go back home, take a warm shower since there wasn't time to go back to sleep again then put on some fresh clean clothes before going back to the duty she had just been assigned. The universe really does have it's way of working things because here she was, face to face with the only ex who had refused to leave her mind completely and she was so not ready for this. What was she supposed to say to her?

       She blinked once and it seemed to finally snap her out of her trance. Half her mind told her to turn around and walk back the way she had come. Another voice told her to just walk past them and pretend like nothing had happened, like she hadn't seen them but then that was already too late. Her better part of her wouldn't even let her do that. She put her phone back in her pocket and moved forward, taking slow guarded steps. Each of them felt heavier than the last especially because Carly never left her eyes and she was unable to leave hers either.

     Finally,she made it to where they were standing and stood two paces away. Her throat had formed words to say but her mouth wouldn't cooperate. It was a good thing Carl was there because he quickly jumped right in to both their rescue or it would have been the most awkward meet up in all awkwardness history.

             "Hey, what are you doing here?" 

Not the best thing to ask since he already knew that her line of work involved hospitals and every corner of the universe but at least it gave her something to say, somewhere to begin. She cleared her throat unnecessarily.

             "Just the usual,I had an assult victim I had to accompany here. I'm just headed home to change then come back to guard him."

            "Oh,why does he need guarding?"

                     ★★★

     Carly looked at the exchange and for a moment felt like she was invisible to them. It felt like she wasn't standing right there with them except that Dylan's voice sounded so nervous. She couldn't blame her.Dhe knew for a fact that her own nervousness was two times more than hers and she was glad for their small talk which helped her regain some of her composure.

            "Hey Carly,"Dylan finally greeted,now turning to her.

              "Hey Dylan,"she responded in the same way. She thought of something else to say to her before settling for,"It's great to see you."

  Dylan smiled lightly then said,"Welcome back home."

             "Thank you."

       Nothing had taken Carly more than Dylan's appearance. She had been right when she told Carol and Ella how she imagined  Dylan would be like. Well,she had been half right because the person standing here was way more attractive than she had thought or what she could have imagined.

She was older,yeah,she was taller and her body had finally grown out especially her chest. She was no longer the teenager she remembered with a lean body and barely there breasts. Her hair was now trimmed stylishly short which made her look even more 'handsome'. Her whole appearance now screamed one hundred percent gay. Her suspicions about her having a beautiful woman clinging to her only doubled. There was no way she didn't have one or even a flock of girls drooling over her. Her muscular build showed that she must have been working out unlike her who didn't give the gym the time of the day or even a second glance when she walked or drove past it. She figured that she must have been the one who had introduced her brother there.

It wasn't her intention to stare or check her out but she found herself doing it anyway. The moment she caught herself,she looked up abruptly and met her brother's eyes looking at her in amusement. She would have been embarrassed but the moment she realized Dylan had been doing the same thing on her,she just smiled, some of her nervousness going away. Dylan caught herself almost at the same time and faked a cough then looked away. When she turned back,she met Carly's gaze.

            "What are you doing here? Don't tell me you got flight fever," she said meaning it as a joke but immediately regretted when Carly replied.

            "It's my son. He's sick," she replied with a sigh.

   Dylan frowned,"Oh, I'm sorry. Is he gonna be okay?"

She nodded. From Dylan's reaction,she gathered that she having a son was not news to her. At least Carl had told her about him. She however stopped to think of how much she could tell her and since she hadn't asked what was wrong with him,she settled on the simplest answer.

              "I think so."

    Carl moved aside clearing his throat,"I'm gonna leave you two alone to talk."

             "No!" They both replied together. They looked at each other,each reaction matching the other. Carl shook his head and returned to his original position.

             "Okay?" It was more questioning than stating. It was Dylan who talked next.

               "I mean,I have only a few minutes to rush home and back and I don't want to get on the wrong side of my boss,"she explained.

                "No, it's okay," Carly said then hesitated,"We...we can always talk more later."

     Dylan gave her a tiny smile and a slight nod. It was then that she noticed the distant look in her eyes. Wasn't she happy to see her? She thought, forgetting that it didn't necessarily have to be about her. How could she?What good had she brought to her life?She wasn't even there for her when her mother died. Yeah she didn't have any idea but it didn't make her feel less terrible. Right then,she wanted to say something about it. Tell her how sorry she was but the words wouldn't come to her. She swallowed hard and looked down.

             "See you around Carly and again, welcome back,"Dylan said as she prepared to leave. She looked up and tried to say something more but words failed. Her heart ached and she wished she could run over to her and just hug her, express her emotions through physical contact but how could she? Even her own legs felt like they could betray her so she just smiled and nodded then looked away as Dylan walked past them and further away down the hallway.

  Carl shook her several seconds after they had been left alone.

              "Are you okay?"

  She shook her head sadly, "No I am not. I'm the worst, aren't I?"

               "No," he replied. The fact that you care about her distincts you from that category. "You just made bad decisions which happens to most of us."

             "Yeah? I feel like I have beaten the record of doing terrible things one after another. No one can beat me at that. Now look at the results,I couldn't even utter a single meaningful word to her."

             "Hey,you need to stop being so hard on yourself about things you couldn't control. Dylan knows that I didn't tell you about her mother even though I didn't tell her why I never mentioned it to you. Just like with you,we never discussed you or anything about you," he paused. 

Even though her brother's words didn't make much sense, she was glad he was talking with her now.

              "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about it. It's just that you were going through so much. I looked at you that time I visited and I didn't want you to experience double the pain that was in your life. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not you. I knew you would put Dylan first if I told you and you needed to be there for you first. You needed to heal."

        Even though Carly wanted to be angry at him,she couldn't. His words made sense now. Her divorce had come in the worst way possible, leaving her physically and emotionally bruised and now that she allowed herself to think about it,she wasn't sure she could have handled hers and Dylan's situation. For the first time since she learnt about Dylan's mother,she was glad he had protected her. She still  had to talk to Dylan about it but right now,she understood the point of being kept in the dark. Carl had just been looking out for her just as they had promised each other before college.

  She wiped away some stray tears and looked at him,"Thank you."

            "Of course,you are my sister and I'll always protect you."

   What Carly wanted to ask next, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer but she asked anyway.

              "Did she have someone to hold her hand during that tough time?"

    Carl understood perfectly why she was asking that and instead of teasing her about it, like he could have done under different circumstances,he nodded seriously.

            "I was right there all along. I never left her side."

    Carly sighed with relief not even trying to hide it. Her brother would see right through her anyway. He had grown sharp over the years. Maybe she would never be as close to Dylan as they had been years before or even as she and Carl now were but she was glad she had him and would still have him through out the days. She had ruined her relationship with her, twice,but she swore that she wouldn't ruin her friendship with her brother.

            "It's still tough," Carl went on. "Before her mother died,she was this uncontent person always seeming like there was a crack in her life but after that, the crack worsened and it seems like a whole brick came out sending her entire wall crumbling down. Sometimes it becomes too hard to handle her but I try my best."

   Carly listened to her brother trying to decipher from his words what he was trying to tell her. She furrowed her eyebrows.

             "What do you mean?"

              "What I mean is that I don't think she trusts me with everything about her entirely. She needs something more, someone who shares a deeper connection with her. Someone she can let in to talk about everything that has happened to her, which is much. I'm afraid she will never get past the whole ordeal if she doesn't talk to someone."

            "You mean that she has never talked about the whole thing with you?" she asked in surprise.

  Her brother shook his head sadly,"I have tried sis but she won't let me all in. We talk briefly and then she shuts down completely. She dismisses the whole thing and acts as if it never happened. She's hurting even though she tries not to show it and I feel like I might not be the right person to handle her. I mean,if she can't trust me,then I don't see anyone else close to her except those from her past. A person who knows much about her, since her young age. A person who shared a deeper emotional connection with her and a person she would easily let in."

     Carly had been following his speech and she had known all along where he would come to stop at but it didn't prevent full surprise registering on her face when he said his last statement.

             "A person like you."

               "What?" she asked in shock. "You can't possibly be that blind!"

             "Think about it. You are the only one who had managed to gain her full trust. The only one she really loved. And I'm not just talking about highschool, I'm talking about her entire life."

           "That was like eleven, twelve years ago? You are forgetting that I broke that trust when I decided to leave and then later got married to a guy," she replied. Her brother looked at her as if her words didn't make any sense. "Right now,she isn't even glad to see me let alone talk to me about that. Trust me, I'm the last person she would want to let back into her life again after what I did."

               "I wouldn't be so sure about that," Carl replied.

               "Yeah,how come?"she challenged.

               "You are forgetting that I now know much about both of you from being so close to you."

    It went without a doubt that Carl indeed knew much more about both of them but Carly wasn't really convinced. Perhaps it was her guilt working. Or maybe it was some kind of fear. She looked at her brother and shook her head sadly.

              "It's hopeless."