CHAPTER 44

  Just as she was contemplating what to do, Kelley stopped at a glass door then pulled it open. She turned to her and smiled.

                "We are here,"she announced cheerfully.

Carly sighed in relief as the inside came into view. She never would have figured that the building housed a coffee shop amongst other small businesses had she been alone. She was almost sure she was about to be shoved inside an abandoned building with nothing but concrete and a mean looking burly man to babysit her awaiting a ransom or even the final day of her death.

                  "Sorry I led you this far, it's just that the place is much nicer and their coffee is way good quality than the others."

                   "Just like the chicken from the food truck,"she managed to say with a light smile."Got it." She proceeded forward and got inside. It didn't take long for them to be served and Carly had to admit that the coffee was great indeed. It was actually the best she had had since she got back home.

                   "How is your son?"

                    "He is okay. I just came from the hospital to sign the required paperwork for his surgery. It has been scheduled for ten days from now." She had no idea why she had decided to tell this woman all that but after all the strange thoughts that had come to her head, she needed to make light conversation. 

                    "That's good,right?"

 She was quiet for several seconds then sighed softly,"It is,even though I would have loved it to happen even earlier. I have already wasted much time as it is. Honestly I'm ready for all this to be over. I am anxious about the whole procedure not knowing how it is going to go and I'm going crazy thinking about it, sometimes it becomes too hard to think straight."

   Kelley stretched out her hand and reached for hers,"Hey, don't go there. It's going to be okay. I'm not a mother but I understand how this feels. As I might have mentioned,my little sister was like that. But she survived,it won't be different for your son."

 Instead of following what Kelley was saying,Carly was focused on the hand that was pressed into hers. It was not often that she allowed a stranger to touch her but this one was different. There was some kind of lure towards her. Or maybe it was just because she needed the reassurance. She pulled it away and shook off the thoughts.

                  "Sorry I sometimes get emotional even in front  of strangers which is a display of weakness."

                  "No, it's allowed and that is not weakness. It shows that you have a wonderful heart and you absolutely love your son. It's really good."

She looked up and met her eyes. Today they were a shade lighter than the first day they met but still as beautiful. They were gentle just as her hand had been on her skin and they displayed something else, something she could not describe but looking at them, she felt herself begin to sink. She looked away quickly and sighed inwardly.

                "Are you seeing someone?"

                  "What?" she asked in surprise. The question came directly and caught her unawares. She understood perfectly what it meant but she had asked that because she wanted to make sure that she hadn't gotten it wrong.

                    "I mean are you dating someone or married or...?"

 She laughed nervously,"Would I be on a coffee date with you if I was married?" she asked instead.

                   "It's just coffee, people do this all the time. But,I didn't realize it was a date."

                   "Oh, did I say that?" she asked and they both laughed. She went on,"I have not done this in like forever. I divorced my son's father two years ago and since then I have not been interested in someone else. Does it answer your question?"

Kelley nodded,"Partly because now I am wondering why is that. Are you still holding on to him?"

                    "To him? No."

                     "To someone else?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Maybe from before him. Maybe a person who might have led to your marriage not working?"

 Carly say there thinking silently. Actually no, she didn't have to think because Dylan's face immediately took over the front of her mind. Her cute smile, adorable blue eyes,much bluer than this woman's and much more drowning. But what she recalled most was her gentle and very caring heart that she broke. So yeah,if she was being honest, she still was holding on to her. Hoping and wishing she would be able to look at her the same way she always had years ago. Or at least win the friendship back. She however felt like she was too late and had lost her permanently and so she lied. She also lied because she didn't think it was anyone's business but hers.

                 "No, there's no one."

Kelley smiled,"Alright, I'm going to cut right to the chase because I am not the kind of person who goes around the bush,"she stopped before going on. "I would love to see more of you, have dinner or something and get to know you more Carly McAdams. I like you."

Carly furrowed her eyebrows and squinted her eyes,"How do you know my surname. It's not like I have a name tag or something."

                    "You told me that first day we met," Kelley answered without any hesitation.

                    "It's funny I don't remember telling you that." Maybe it was the calmness and confidence in Kelley's voice that led her to believe that maybe it had slipped past her lips unknowingly. After all, she had a lot going on and she was not in her right mind to pay attention to everything she said. She didn't take the matter further. "Sorry, it's just that I am not used to telling people my surname. I might have forgotten about it. A lot has been going on and it's not easy to keep up with everything."

                    "It's okay, sometimes things happen without us realizing and only do when it's too late to go back. Anyway, would you do me the honor of going on another date,this time real with me?"

  ‘This is how they all begin.’ The words echoed through her head over and over. It was supposed to be just coffee but now just one nod and it would turn into something more. The offer was tempting, she was after all a single woman who hadn't had any kind of action for more than two years because even before her divorce, she and Gavin had already fallen out. She knew that she needed some kind of fun,to live again. The woman was attractive too but there was something holding her back. Dylan? Maybe not just Dylan as she would come to realize some minutes later.

    She had just flagged down a cab after getting out of the  coffee shop. Kelley was standing beside her and she had not given her answer yet. She wasn't even sure she  wanted to date or just to have sex and end it. Having sex? What kind of a person was she turning to? She turned to her.

                 "I will call you once I make up my mind."

                 "Something tells me that you do have someone you haven't given up on yet which is absolutely okay," Kelley said, driving the nail right home. She nodded.

                  "You are right,I lied. Maybe I am still holding on which at this point I don't know if I am right doing so. She was special to me and I ended it foolishly. I realized that but it might be too late for me. I need some time to figure out everything first."

                  "Okay but I'll be waiting. I have known you for like three seconds but I can tell you are a great person. Anyone who can't see that is not worth your time. Call me soon, we can just meet up and talk,I won't pressure you into anything you don't want."

She smiled and nodded,"Okay,thank you."

Kelley moved closer and hugged her. It was not too quick and also not too lingering. What surprised her was when Kelley planted a kiss on her lips. It was quick and light and she hadn't had time to react. When she didn't move away, Kelley took her lips again,this time more deeper and lingering. And that's when she felt it. Or didn't feel it? It was undescribable. One thing she knew for sure was the coldness. No kiss however light it was had left her in that state. Unfeeling, unmoved, almost as if it was dead.

                 "Don't lose your phone like the card," Kelley teased.

She managed to smile a little,"I won't." She turned immediately and got into the cab and didn't turn to look at Kelley even for a second. Once she was settled, she allowed the words that had been going through her head to come out. 

                 "What.Was. That?" she asked out loud forgetting that she wasn't alone.

                  "Where to ma'am?" the voice of the driver brought her back to the present. She gave him the address then sat back to think. That was the weirdest kiss she had ever had. Even her first kiss was a million times better. And the strange feeling in her whole body? That was definitely not desire. It was time to talk to someone about that. If only to prove that her body wasn't sexually dead.

                        ★★★

         A few hours later, Carly knocked at her brother's apartment. It was some minutes to seven in the evening and she wasn't even sure he would be home by then as he had said when they spoke on the phone. She waited  for several minutes but receiving no answer, she knew he wasn't yet home. She was about to take out her phone and confirm his whereabouts when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs behind her. She turned just as Carl appeared on the landing.

                "Hey sis," he greeted casually.

                  "Hey yourself," she replied then stood back. "I have waited for you forever. Where did you go to first?"

                     "Shut up,as if I didn't see you getting out of the cab just outside." They both laughed. "What was so urgent anyway?" he asked as he opened the door and then invited her inside.

                   "You used to be so organized, what happened to you?" she teased him with a laugh as she looked around the apartment.

                   "I am always organized,I just didn't have time to arrange everything before going to work this morning."

                     "Yeah right," she replied mockingly then sat down with a sigh. "The strangest things have been happening to me all this week," she began. "First Dylan drags me out of the bar we had gone to talk at and didn't even explain well enough. Just that someone was after her and they might be targeting me too. She then disappeared to wherever God knows and hasn't talked to me ever since." Carl walked around the apartment trying to clear up the mess but was listening to her so she went on. "Then, earlier today someone kissed me,I didn't stop her even though we have only met twice now."

  Carl stopped what he was doing and turned to her fully,"You sneaky little princess, one week back and you are already living?" he asked now much more interested.

                 "That's not the point Carl,will you shut up and let me finish?"

                  "Okay,that doesn't sound too fun. Go on."

                  "I didn't feel anything. Not even the tiniest shingle. Not even the tiniest fire. You know when you anticipate something breathtaking but it turns out to be a big disappointment or when you are getting your favorite food. Your mouth is watering and you expect the heavenly taste but upon taking your first bite,you find that it is saltless, the very first and most important ingredient in every meal? This woman is attractive, and crazily so but the moment she kissed me,instead of fireworks I felt dead."

                  "Oh that is such a bummer."

                   "Tell me something I don't already know. Am I crazy,am I abnormal after all those years of being sexually inactive?"

                    "Oh sis, I don't think that is what happening. What's the name of the woman anyway?"

                   "Does it matter?" Carl shrugged and she rolled her eyes dramatically before answering naturally,"Kelley Smith, blonde,blue-eyed and butch."

                 "Oh my God tell me that I am dreaming,tell me that what I just heard isn't even a tiny bit real!" Carl freaked out.

                "I know,I have a problem. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with blue eyes," she scoffed thinking that was what going on in Carl's head. But the moment she saw him dial on the phone, she stood up in confusion. "What's wrong?"

                "Trust me sis, you are in so much trouble and it has absolutely nothing to do with blue eyes. I'm calling Dylan."

                  "What? Why?"