CHARLOTTE'S FUNERAL

     The day was dark and gloomy and the rain was letting down its light showers. A few people were huddled at the cemetery, in gloomy black clothes and faces. Black umbrellas were held up as the priest said the sermon. Faith stood beside Charlie and he held her hand tight, her eyes were so red and puffy that she wore dark shades. Nora and Danny stood beside Charlie, Nora was wiping her eyes occasionally while Danny held her in his arms consoling her and holding their umbrella with his free hand. They had postponed their trip to Italy until Charlotte's funeral was over. 

     Ethan, Mrs Hernandez and Valentine were seated together. Valentine held the umbrella for his mom, while Ethan held his umbrella. A few other friends and well-wishers stood around with their respective umbrellas. Charlotte's coffin was on a shaded stand a few feet away from them, a picture of her smiling face stared back at them. 

      The priest finished all he was saying and the undertakers lowered her coffin to the grave. Faith took off her shades and sobbed audibly. Charlie took her in his arms and consoled her. Even when her father died, she hadn't felt this kind of pain, she remembered she had been seated in front with Nora but she had not shed any tear. She had been grateful that no one was going to hassle her again and going to his funeral was the last respect she had paid him for paying for her tuition and feeding her. 

      But Charlotte's funeral looked real, she really felt she lost a vital part of her and all that came to her head was the images of Charlotte smiling at her and she wondered if she was the only one feeling that worse or are people just better pain managers? She didn't know, either.  Charlotte was the closest loved one she had lost to death. When her mother left, she was barely five and didn't even know until Joshua had read her the letter she had dropped for them, telling them that she was sorry. 

      As young as she was then, she had stayed up some nights crying for her mother to return and she had fallen sick the first few years of her mother's departure. She could recall waiting up on the veranda for her mom to show up one day and say she was back, but that never happened. That was a very long time ago and it was nothing compared to the hurt she felt now. 

      How she felt when her brother left? At first, she convinced herself that Joshua was going to come back a repented soul because that was what her father always said to her. She has been angry with her brother for not being straight and had let that anger stop her from missing him. But then, when she remembered that she was left alone with her dad, she missed him. She didn't really feel the impact because Joshua was always calling her on phone and she never talked about him coming back, she never mentioned his sexuality, and she never asked how he was faring. 

      Then he stopped calling her and that was when she started missing him and she realised what she had done when she had grown older. She realized she was alone with nobody to care for her anymore. The pain was different from this. Her father never introduced them to any family members, so she has not really been to any funerals, at least not to that of someone close. 

       In the wake of the funeral, Ethan told Mrs Hernandez to introduce him as Charlotte's fiancé. Faith sat at a place with Charlie watching the events and people. Everything seems bland to her, Charlie sat beside her, holding her shoulder. When she felt a lot better, she took off her shade and sat arms folded across her chest. She saw Nora and Danny seated at a corner, Nora looked sullen too and Danny held her to him. 

      She had been relieved when she had seen Danny and Nora come in together that day at the hospital, but she had been too disoriented to give it a thought. She was happy that Danny and Nora still stuck together even after she must have revealed her secrets to him or if she did reveal them at all.

       "Are you feeling alright now?" Charlie asked looking at her. 

        "I feel better," she replied, her voice all hoarse. 

         "I'm glad that you are. I might not have known this Charlotte, but I can see she is loved." 

    Faith nodded without saying anything. When she looked up, she caught Nora quickly removing her eyes from her. Her heart skipped a bit and she felt more hurt. She had never imagined that she would one day be in the same room with her best friend and not talk with her. If Charlotte passed away like that, then life is too short to bear grudges. She watched Nora as she whispered something in Danny's ear, stood up and went towards the restroom. 

      She contemplated following Nora to the restroom but decided against it. Was she the only one affected? Nora said mean things to her too, why is she the only one that wants to patch things up? Nora acts as if she wasn't there even when she is standing in front of her. She huffed and looked away from the bathroom so she won't be forced to go there. Her eyes rested on Ethan and to her utmost surprise, he was staring at her with a look she couldn't even comprehend. 

    She quickly looked away from him. Now, she really needed to go to that bathroom. She whispered to Charlie's ear that she was going to the bathroom. She hurried over to the bathroom and her heart kept thumping as she entered and the other women were leaving. She searched for Nora with her eyes and finally saw her by the mirror, applying lipstick. 

     She went and stood beside Nora and turned on the tap and started to wash her hands. 

       "Hey," she greeted. She was tired of not talking to Nora. 

      Nora stared at her in the mirror.  "Hi." She put back her lipstick into her purse and started to leave. 

      Not knowing what else to say, Faith asked.  "Do you want to drink with me?" 

      Nora halted and smiled but kept a straight face when she turned to Faith.  "No, thanks." She started to leave again. 

       "I understand," Faith blurted.  "I understand that you don't want to be friends with me anymore, but can you stop avoiding me? Can you stop pretending that I am not there when I'm there? If we can't be friends, let's not be strangers either..." she trailed off.  "No, that wasn't what I wanted to say. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings so bad and brought up an unnecessary past." 

       "Let's have that drink later," Nora said and left the restroom. 

      Faith turned and stared after her.  Was that a yes? 

       After the wake, Faith got home, rested and changed into something less gloomy. Noah had asked to meet with her but she had given him a perfect excuse why she wouldn't be able to meet with him, she even had to take a picture of her and Charlie at the funeral. Charlie had dropped her off and she didn't see Ethan again after the look he gave her. She dressed up to meet Nora at their favourite bar.  

       She suddenly became nervous after dressing up. What was she going to say to Nora when she gets there? She glanced at herself in the mirror and exhaled deeply as she recalled Charlotte's first day in her room and the first day she had worn makeup for a very long time. Charlotte's memory came to mind. She recalled that day that Charlotte made her up. 

      "Oh, Faith stop it," she cautioned herself and moved away from the mirror. She decided to wear a little lip gloss. 

      She opened her drawer to take it out and saw the name and address that Dr Ingrid has given to her. She took it out and examined it. She has not called the doctor as she promised. She could as well not call the doctor. She could forget about whoever Dr Ingrid wants her to meet, forget about going back to Dr Ingrid, but what of her ulcer? It was approaching the dangerous stage now according to the doctor. 

     Now that she has experienced the death of a close person, she was scared of death now. She shoved the card back into the drawer, took the white cotton coat she had planned to wear and draped it on her shoulder. She picked up her handbag and went out of the room. She looked around the living room and memories of Charlotte flooded her. 

     She got a grip on herself. Was she going to let herself be tormented by those memories? But even as she tried to caution herself, images of Charlotte's smile kept coming to her mind eyes and fresh tears gathered in her eyes again. 

        Nora ordered only water. She was seated at a corner of the bar, she knew that Faith liked hiding by the corner. She sat there staring at the karaoke stand. Some ladies were singing, but all she could see was Charlotte, singing and smiling there. She sniffed and wiped away the tears that have started to run down her cheeks. She removed her eyes from the karaoke stand and searched for Faith instead. 

       She glanced at her watch, Faith was almost an hour late. She sighed.  "Do I look like a guy that is chasing her or what? Why is she keeping me waiting?" She folded her arms across her chest and relaxed back in her seat. She saw Faith come in through the door and she raised her hand for Faith to see. 

      As Faith approached her, she watched how beautiful Faith was with or without makeup and she wondered why those that have things in abundance don't appreciate them. She has to always apply a touch of makeup to have that glow that satisfies her, but here Faith was without even a lip gloss, yet she glowed and looked so pretty. 

      Faith come close and pulled out her chair to seat. Nora took the glass from the table and drank from it. 

        "You are late," she said reluctantly. 

       "Sorry, I was caught up in traffic. What drink would you have, I'm paying." 

       "Whisky or beer, which do you think is stronger?" Nora asked and dropped the glass on the table. 

         "Huh?" 

         "Buy me a beer, I don't want to get drunk anyway." 

       Faith beckoned to the waiter who came and took their orders. When the waiter left, an awkward silence settled in between them. Faith didn't know what to say so she looked down. Nora stared at her for a while. 

     "Are you going to seat there quiet? Is this why you called me here?" Nora asked. 

      Faith looked up at her.  "I just wanted to tell you that I got help," Faith blurted. She didn't even know where that one came from. Nora stared blankly at her.   "I am going to start talking to someone..." her words trailed off. 

       Nora looked down at the table.  "I came here to say that I'm sorry for those things I said to you I didn't mean them." 

        Faith's jaw dropped. She should be the one apologising.  "No, I'm the sorry one. I didn't mean to say those things." 

       "No, I started it, I'm more sorry," Nora said. 

        "No, I'm more sorry than you are, I'm the mean one. I'm sorry." 

        "I am more than sorry." 

        "I am more, more, more sorry." 

         "No, I'm the one that is more, more, more, more sorry..." 

       The waiter brought their drinks and placed them on the table.  They seemed not to pay him any attention. He looked from one person to another. "Excuse me ma'am!" he yelled and caused a few stares from other people at the bar. 

       Faith and Nora turned to look at him. The waiter frowned and gestured to the drinks. 

         "Your drinks are here." 

          "Thank you so much," they chorused. 

     The waiter went away and the two women turned to themselves. Faith started again.

        "So all I'm saying is that I am sorry and that I have gone to seek help." 

         Nora grabbed a bottle of beer and removed the cap, she poured it into a beer mug and raised it.  "Cheers to our friendship!"

       Faith did the same and raised hers.  "Cheers to our friendship!" 

      They clinked their mugs and gulped from the cup.  They drank several other bottles, talking about Charlotte until they were tipsy and until the bar was almost empty Nora took down her beer mug. 

        She frowned.  "I wish Charlotte was here with us, it would have been a lot of fun." 

        "Are you saying that Charlotte is a better vibe than you are?" Faith teased. 

        "Tsk, I will give her that credit tonight, because she is not here to defend herself," Nora said with tears in her eyes. 

        "Drink up, let's drink and forget our sorrow!" Faith cried. She gulped her mug.  "My dear friend Charlotte!" 

       Nora leaned closer.  "Don't cry, Faith, she is in heaven watching us drink." She raised her mug.  "I wish that heaven has visiting hours!" 

        Faith gulped down her drink.  "I begged God not to take her but he is too wicked to listen to me!" she started to bawl. 

       Nora shook her head.  "No, no, no don't talk to God like that. Don't you know yet?!" Nora joined her in bawling. 

      The few people in the bar stared at them in confusion, wondering what was wrong with them. 

        Ethan drove back home slowly, tears still in his eyes. He has not yet believed that Charlotte was dead and that he has to start afresh to look for another woman to convince her to be his bride. His life was going down in shambles and he couldn't help it.  How was he supposed to move on in a space of three months and find another woman that appeals to him as Charlotte did, even though he won't be in love with that woman? 

       He finally got to the apartment and drove into the garage to park his car. His mind suddenly trailed to Faith and the guy that was following her around at the funeral. He sighed. Was that her ex that she was getting back together with? Was that why she can't leave him alone? Because he is that good looking? 

      He sighed and looked at his rearview mirror.  "What am I doing? Am I not more good looking than he is?" he muttered to himself. He got down from his car and closed the door. 

         "I'm not even thinking about her right now." He locked his car and started heading up the stairs. 

     A car honked and he almost jumped out of his skin. He looked towards the car. "Who is that crazy bastard that what's me to die of a heart attack?" he cursed and realized the car was honking for him when the person honked again. 

     He looked around and looked at the car again. The car honked again and he went over to find out what the person wants. When he got closer, the person wind down and he almost fell in shock. He took a few staggering steps back, his eyes wide like he had seen a ghost, his  mouth agape. 

        "Mom?" he called when he had recovered enough to speak. 

       His mom only beamed with smiles.