I LOVE YOU

       Ethan woke up with a terrible hangover and a hazy remembrance of the events that took place the previous night. He hadn't meant to get drunk and was it Faith that picked him up? Did he dream it? He tossed his blanket aside and knew that she was the one when he realised that he was almost naked. He had only his boxers on. He shuffled into the adjacent bathroom to pour some cold water on his head to help calm his pounding head. 

      After pouring water on his head and brushing, he decided to go a few blocks away and have breakfast, since his stomach was churning too. He wore a casual black vest and grey sweatpants and ran his hands through his sandy brown hair in other to arrange it. He looked at himself in the mirror and left the room. 

        Faith was not in the living room when he came out, he glanced towards her door for a moment and looked away. He still felt queasy and needed some water to take the Avomine tablet he found in his cabinet. He opened the kitchen door and wished he hadn't realized too late that Faith was there. She turned and saw him and he lingered by the door, contemplating whether to go in or not. 

      Remembering that she had helped him last night, he decided to go in and thank her for showing up for him. 

         "Hey, you are awake," she said taking out the ingredients she needed to prepare her food. 

       Keeping his voice as casual as ever, he replied.  "Yes, I am." He moved to his refrigerator, opened the door and looked inside. Even after finding the water, he still stayed there a little longer, dreading raising his face and seeing her eyes on him. 

      He finally removed his face from the refrigerator, she was washing potatoes. He closed the refrigerator and stood there looking awkward and unsure and he finally cleared his throat and looked down. He had never imagined that talking to Faith could ever be difficult. 

       "Ehm...I want to thank you for helping me out last night and I'm sorry if I caused you any inconvenience." 

     She glanced at him.  "You would have done the same for me." 

      An awkward silence settled in between them as she assembled the makings for meatloaf, mashed potatoes and salad on the 

counter. Finally, he made a move towards the door. 

      "I'll be leaving then..." He started to say. 

        "Would you like to stay for breakfast?" she blurted and wished she had not said it. Why did she make that decision immediately? What if he says no? She would pick up her wounded ego, dust it and forge ahead. 

       He remained quiet for a while, not believing she was trying to make him stay back. What happened? He turned to look at her and told himself that it was the worst mistake he has ever made. When their eyes met, he couldn't even say no anymore. He smiled a little. 

      "Sure. I would like that. Can I help you with anything?" 

      She smiled shyly.   "You don't know how to cook." 

      "I told you that I follow directions pretty well." 

     "Alright." She raised her hands in surrender. She showed him what to do and handed him an apron. 

    He followed directions as he had promised, chopping and peeling efficiently. She watched him for a while and watched the way the muscles in his arms contracted as he worked. When she caught herself drooling, she quickly dragged her eyes from him and decided to do something instead of standing there and watching him. 

      Silence settled in between them for a while. She washed up and placed the pan in the oven, set the timer and faced him.  "Why did you get that drunk last night? What's wrong?" 

       His countenance changed and he refused to look at her.  "We should forget about that." 

        "No, you can't keep running from the discussion." 

        "Was this why you asked me to stay for breakfast?" 

        "I saw no other way, you are avoiding me." 

         "Isn't that what you wanted?" 

         "What I wanted? We made a mistake that..." 

        "There you go again!" he yelled stretching out his hands in exasperation.  "Mistake! Mistake! Was that all it was to you?" 

     She stared at him for a while as if surprised at his reaction.   "Ethan, both of us were drunk and that wouldn't have happened if we were sober enough." 

     Ethan snorted and turned to continue what he was doing.  "Speak for yourself," he muttered. 

      "Pardon?" 

      "Faith, please let it be. You said it was a mistake let it remain a mistake." He started to remove the apron. 

       "What are you doing? You want to keep avoiding me?" 

       "You wound me, Faith!" he said his voice filled with exasperation.  "What do you want from me?" 

       "We were friends before everything happened. I am asking you to please, put it behind you let's still be friends." 

       "You want us to put what happened behind, why? Do I repulse you like that?!" 

       "You keep asking if you repulse me. What has that got to do with anything." 

       "What has that got to do with it?! Faith, you frustrate me, seriously. You ask me to put the most memorable night I had behind and pretend nothing happened? I don't want to be just a friend."

      Faith's eyes dilated and her lips paused and surprise was written all over her face.  "What do you mean?" she asked softly. 

       "You make me go crazy from wanting you. Yes, I want to avoid you, I want to avoid you until you leave here. You want to know why I ask if I repulse you? Because that's how you make me feel. You make me feel unworthy of you, you make me feel repulsive. How could you ask me to forget about something that gives me beautiful memories? You want me to forge ahead and pretend as nothing happened."

      Faith's eyes fixed on him.  "What are you saying right now?" 

       "I'm saying..." He paused.  "You want to leave? Why? Because you feel ashamed that we were intimate? You rather run away than..." He exhaled and looked down.  "I'm sorry, but you are just as your brother said. You think only of yourself and don't care what others feel around you." 

       "How dare you? You don't know me." 

      "Well, I know you enough to love you!" he snapped looking at her.  "I love you, Faith, have loved you and I have worn my heart up my sleeves but you only took it for decoration." 

       "What?" Faith's voice was low and filled with disbelief. 

        "I love you, Faith. I have fallen hard for you, but no matter how hard I stand in front of you, you never see me. You always look behind me. It frustrates me, can't you see me? Can't you see?" 

      "You can't!" Faith yelled. 

        "What?" 

        "You can't love me!" Faith said her voice cracked with tears. 

        "Why?" 

    Faith dropped what she was holding and started removing her apron. Ethan was confused. Why can't he love her? She made to leave but he held her back. 

  His heart began to pound and for a moment he saw Charlotte telling him,   "Don't dare fall in love with me." He shut his eyes to blurt out that image and thought away from his head. Does Faith have a terminal disease too? No. God, he wouldn't be able to leave with it. 

       "Why?! Talk to me, Faith." 

        "Can't you see that I am messed up?! I am messed up, okay!" 

        "What do you mean?" 

          "I'm not capable of being loved." She broke away from his grip and took a few steps backwards and faced him.  "You cannot love me. There is something wrong with me, you will find it soon, there is something that I do that pushes people away, and you will find it soon and leave like others. I wonder why Nora is still here." 

       "Faith, there is nothing wrong with you." 

        "Don't patronize me..." 

        "I'm not, I'm not." Ethan tried to reach her, but she stopped him by stretching out her hand.   "Faith, I don't know what you think about yourself or what you might have heard people say about you but I am going to give you my honest opinion and I want to tell you that you are wrong…"

       "My mom left when I was five. She ran away and left me when I barely knew my left from my right. I might have done something that made her think me unworthy enough to leave me alone.  Joshua left when I was fifteen because I judged him and he hasn't forgiven me up till now, Noah left me because he felt I was cursed..."

      "You are wrong, Faith. They left because they don't know who you are. Noah is the most stupid of them all for losing you. That thing that has kept Nora, would keep me, even when she decides to leave... If you would give me half a chance... Oh, shit." 

       He closed the distance between them, slid an arm around her waist, pulled her up pressed against him and kissed her full on the mouth. He pried her lips apart with his tongue, then her teeth and slid his tongue inside her mouth and the memories from that night came flooding back. 

     He recalled how soft her body had been beneath his, recalled the heat, the passion the greed, her desperate pleas. Their incredible connection. He drew her clos er and realised that he was aroused and wished he could take her to the bedroom and repeat the memories of that night.