A HAPPY PLACE

     For two sessions, Faith didn't remember what her mother looked like, all she saw was a shadow of a person darting in and out of the picture. She remembered foods, smells, church pews, the Reverend, waiting for her mom to come back from the market so she could have her all to herself, her father, Joshua, a restaurant, a bookshop, someone rocking her, the rocking chair, waiting for her mother to return and she never returned, but she did not see her mother, it was as if she never existed and at a point, Faith became frustrated by it all. In the next session, she told Dr Adriana that she was not going to do that anymore. 

       She was tired of trying to remember a faceless person but Dr Adriana persuaded her and she lashed out at her. 

       "Listen, I know that my mother didn't love me and she walked away, what good does that do to me? Trying to remember it doesn't make me feel any better, it makes me sombre. I don't care anymore, why don't we just forget about it?" 

       "You can't do that. You can pretend you don't need it anymore but it's not going to get to the bottom of what is causing your stomach problem." 

      Faith remained quiet for a while staring at Dr Adriana, then she placed her elbow on the handle of the chair, leaned to the side where her elbow was placed and rubbed her eyes.  "Alright, let's get it over and done with," she said. 

        "Great," Dr Adriana said and stood up. 

    Faith stood after her and went and lay down on the hypnosis lounge, facing Dr Adriana.  The doctor smiled at her. 

      "Now, I want you to relax your mind, calm down and think about the question I would ask you. I am going to put you under a little deeper, now close your eyes." 

      Faith closed her eyes slowly, Dr Adriana put on the light and it shone on Faith's face.  Slowly the doctor asked.  "What was your mother like and how did you feel when she left?" She snapped her fingers. 

      For a while, Faith could almost see her mother but it was only her profile she saw. Then she started remembering. 

                             SUMMER 2001

        "Mommy! Mommy!" Faith cried as her mother wailed while her father hit her and threw her on the couch.

        Joshua wasn't around, he had gone to choir practice. Their father would push anyone to join the kid's choir once they were six. Faith didn't know why her father was hitting her mother but she had been sleeping soundly upstairs when she heard the loud shriek of her mother. At first, she thought it was in her dream, but she kept hearing the wailing, she started down the stairs and had seen her father hitting her across the face and flinging her on the couch and she had screamed but her dad had appeared not to hear her. 

        "You don't alter my words! The devil has been using you in my life! You want me to raise ungodly kids, that would pursue earthly passion!" 

        "You won't force them to do what they don't want. Allow them to grow and choose!" her mother had wailed, not seeming scared of her father's torture. 

     That had landed her more beating and crying and Faith stood at the foot of the stairs crying out her voice. 

     "My baby is crying!" Faith's mother kept saying, but the demon that had possessed her father won't let him hear that. He kept punching the woman, beating her. 

       The door flung open and Joshua came in, on seeing his parents, he rushed over to Faith. "Let's go," he said and grabbed Faith's hand. 

     But Faith restrained. He had to carry her, but she wriggle down from his body and stood.  Joshua looked at her. 

      "Let me take you to a happy place," he said and grabbed Faith's hand again, this time, she did not fight. 

    He ran up the stairs with her and the cries and voices of their parents followed them until they got into Joshua's room their parents' voices became a muffle, but Faith still heard her mother's cries. Joshua led her to his closet and opened it. 

       Faith marvelled at how his closet looked. He had put a hundred tiny, twinkling bulbs around the closet, he had placed star stickers on the roof of the closet. It brought a smile to Faith's face and Joshua smiled too. 

       "Do you like it?" he asked.  She nodded, still admiring the design. His clothes has been removed from the closet and she had wondered where they were, but she didn't bother to ask. He had thrown a comforter on the floor of the closet and had placed different types of stuffed animals around them.  "This is my happy place," he said and stepped in. 

     She went in with him and he closed the door, and their parents' voices were suddenly blocked out and it made the closet look more beautiful and peaceful, the lights became more obvious and the stars glowed. Faith kept looking around. Joshua stood up and pushed back a little flowery clothing and the closet became brighter again. 

        "What is that?" Faith asked. 

       "This is the window. I had to open here up so that it could be ventilated. I had mom help me push this mass to the window." 

        "Does mommy know about your happy place?" 

    Joshua sat back down.  "No, if she knew it would no longer be a happy place. This place is a secret, no one should know about it." 

       "But I know about it, will it stop being a happy place for you?" 

  Joshua smiled and ruffled her hair.  "It is a place for unhappy people like the both of us. Do you hear any cries or chaos?" Faith shook her head.  "Right, that's because this place blocks out all bitterness, all pain and all cries. When you stay here all you do is stay happy away from the unhappy world because you won't be in that world anymore." 

       "But mommy is unhappy too and she needs to live in this happy place." 

   Joshua shook his head.  "Mom isn't unhappy, if she was, she would have taken us all away from hell. This place is for people like me and you that have nothing to do about anything. We are kids and we can't take care of ourselves now, that's why we are still here." He turned to face her.  "Let me tell you, one day, I will find a way to take us out of here, by then I will be a strong man and I will beat daddy back. All that beating he beat mommy and us, I will beat daddy back." 

       "So, you will become a strong man to beat daddy back?" 

 Joshua nodded before he answered.  "I will and I will take us all out and build us a big and happy house. Me, you and mommy. You should become a strong woman too." 

       "Why? Women can't be strong."

        "Women can be stronger than men in their hearts."

        "So will I join you and beat daddy if I become a strong woman?" 

        "No, women don't get strong for physical fights. Do you know why daddy can beat mommy?" Faith shook her head.  "Because mommy is not strong enough, she is not strong at all. If you are strong, your husband will not beat you." 

     Joshua was a smart kid. He was smarter than his age and he reads a lot of books. Faith enjoys staying alone with him because he always tells her things that marvel her and she enjoys listening to his stories. They laugh so hard whenever he is telling his stories and that was the only time she see him laugh. He also likes impacting knowledge to Faith. 

      They stayed in the happy place—the closet for a while talking about school and church, those were the only topics they could talk about, they don't watch the TV because their father thinks is irreligious and corruptible. They don't have friends, they just knew kids in the church and can never play with anyone because it was uncultured. They are supposed to always present a stable and well-trained poise in public, especially when their father was there. 

       Their father was done beating their mother to a stupor and was searching for Joshua. It was a custom in the house that whenever you return from church, you would come and recite all that you have learnt. It had started because Joshua had decided to go and play soccer with some boys from school and have not gone to the choir practice. 

       The next Sunday, the choirmaster had approached their father and had pleaded that he should always allow Joshua to come for practice. Their father had glanced over at Joshua and blood had drained from his face immediately. Their mother had stylishly followed the choirmaster and had given him a piece of her mind, warning him never to come near her family again. 

   That day, as they went home, both Joshua and their mom receive good beatings. Beating that almost left Joshua unconscious. Since that day, no one goes to church without my dad and comes back without recitation of what was done there. 

        "Joshua! Joshua!" their father called but Joshua was nowhere to be found. 

       He opened Joshua's door and looked inside his room, but he was not there. He went to Faith's room, Faith was not there too. He became alarmed and started searching frantically for them. Their mother was in so much pain that she couldn't even stand up. All her stomach was hurting from the blows that have landed on it. 

        Their father searched the kitchen, under the tables and chairs, no sign of them.  His first impression was that they had run away from home. He kept calling them, while their mother sobbed in the living room. He climbed back up the stairs and went into Joshua's room, maybe he would find a note or something. He searched under beds, under the table and finally decided to open the closet. 

       He was shocked when he saw them in the closet sleeping. Joshua was lying on his back and Faith was lying on her stomach, using Joshua's body as a pillow. He stared at them with anger for a while and in a voice that sounded more raw and rough, he screamed. 

       "What is going on here?!" 

     The kids bolted up and looked at him with terror in their eyes.  He glowered at them and before they could say anything, he gave Joshua a dirty slap that sent him flying, he hit his head on the wall of the closet and went still. Faith screamed and he quickly rushed in and lifted Joshua out of the closet, checked his head for any injuries, when he saw none, he put him on the floor and place his fingers on his neck, then he went out and came back again with a bucket of water. 

     Faith watched as he emptied the whole bucket on Joshua's face, Joshua jerked up, coughing and wiping his face. His father stood there and waited for him to regain his consciousness. When he was stable enough, his father stared him hard in the eyes. 

       "What were you two doing in there?" his father asked. 

      Joshua frowned and shrugged.  "Nothing. You found us sleeping, that was what we were doing." 

       Their father looked at Faith.  "Come here," he commanded Faith who got scared and went to sit beside Joshua where her father has pointing. Her father stared hard into her eyes.  "Now, tell me the truth. Remember, the truth shall only set you free. What were you doing there?" 

        "We...we…talked about...being strong and Joshua said he would become a strong man and I will become a strong woman and we will live in a...in a big, happy hou…in a big happy house." 

       Her father regarded her for a while.  "He didn't do anything else?" 

        "He...he sang...Ave…Ave…M…M…Maria, it's the song they...learnt today and we slept off while he sang it." 

       Their father breathed out and looked at Joshua.  "Now, listen, on no account should you ever be hidden in such an enclosed space with your sister again. God is a mysterious God, but the devil is mysterious too. Do you hear me?!" 

        Joshua nodded his head immediately. His father looked at the closet, stood and went towards it. He destroyed the happy place, saying it was the devil's handwork and a means to lure them into committing an abominable sin. 

       "You will sing me the choir song when I get back. Now, get up and clean up. Orderliness is next to godliness."  He left the room. 

      Joshua looked at his happy place and tears fell from his eyes Faith looked at him and started to sob. He looked at Faith. 

        "Why are you crying? Stop crying," he said wiped Faith's tears and hugged her. 

         "He has made you unhappy," Faith said amidst tears.

      Joshua rubbed her back.  "I will find another way to be happy. Let's go and see mom." 

        He helped her up and water dripped from his body. He went to a large rolled-up mass of clothes and searched for dry clothes to wear. 

         A few minutes later, they were downstairs where their mother was still lying on the couch, whimpering in pain. They went to her and she sat up and took them in her embrace. 

         "Did he hurt you?" their mother asked. 

    Joshua shook his head but Faith spoke. 

        "He hit Joshua and he fainted and he poured water on Joshua." 

       Joshua smiled.  "Angel, that doesn't hurt." He turned to his mother.   "Mommy, why don't we go away from here?" 

         "We can't my baby," their mother said in a tear strained voice.  "We can't." 

          "Why?" 

        "Come, come, come sit with me," their mother said and tapped the space beside her.  "We are a Christian family and shouldn't bring shame on our name and God." 

        "Mommy, you can divorce him," Joshua said. 

       His mother gave him a sharp look.  "Who told you about divorce?" 

         "Mommy, I am no longer a baby like Angel, I am seven already and I read and I read a lot." 

       "Well, Jesus doesn't want us to divorce. It's unless on the grounds of adultery and I have not found your father guilty of that." 

        "What of when he is planning to take your life, mommy?" 

        "Keep it low, your father might hear you. I am used to these beatings my baby and I am mostly at fault. You know your mommy is a stubborn woman right? Sometimes, it's only these beatings that can get me to do the right things." Tears fell from her eyes.  "Besides, where would we run to? I have no family, no money, I can't afford to see you starve or not have a roof over your head." 

       Joshua reached up and wiped his mother's tears. "Don't worry, mommy, one day, I will be a strong and powerful man and I will  build us a big house far away from here and we would be happy together." 

       His mother smiled at him amidst tears.  "Amen, my son. Amen."