57

"Ma?"

"Ma?!"

My driver's voice pulled me out of the memory I was recalling.

"Sorry?" I responded by blinking slightly.

"We've arrived at the house," he said, motioning to the large mansion in front of us.

"Oh right, thank you, Mr Ola," I grumbled as I opened the car door and stepped out. I guess I slept for too long.

Mr Ola spoke just as I was about to shut the door.

"Oga and Madam said I should let you know that they were going to be late today and that you should eat dinner by yourself," he told me with a small smile. He was a very nice man who always had a smile on his face, making him appear much younger than he was.

"There's nothing new there," I mumbled.

"Ehn?"

"It's nothing, Mr Ola, Thanks a lot sir, have a nice day." I said.

"And you to Ma," I shut the door with a fake smile on my face.

I approached the front door and entered the lock code. The house was as quiet as it had always been. This was how it had always been when I returned from school for the previous seventeen years of my life.

They said being an only child means you get your parents' undivided attention, but apparently mine was very different; the only thing I got from being an only child was loneliness. It was extremely lonely because there was no one to gist or play with, no one to argue with. At the very least, I know that if I had siblings, I wouldn't have cared as much whether my parents cared about me or not.

I started climbing the long, exhausting staircase to my room, which was at the very top. Oh, lucky me.

When I finally entered the room, I set my bag on the floor and began removing my school uniform. If I do say so myself, it was quite uncomfortable.

My gaze was drawn to my hands as I removed my blazer. It was possible to see red angry marks/lines that were already healing. The more I looked at them, the more bad memories came flooding back to me.

.....

'I can't have a fat daughter like this, Amanda, you need to get on a diet right away.' In fact, don't bother, I'll just tell the cook to reduce your food portion.'

.....

'Can you believe it, her uniform isn't even seizing her any longer?' You are not going to stop eating like a pig regardless of what you do.

'Pig,' 'Fat,' and 'Ugly'

Those words have become very familiar to me by now. They were permanently imprinted on my mind. But I knew I had to get over it one way or another.

Remember that you are not the same person you were before Amanda. It's not the same.

Time travel.....

"Miss, are you sure your parents would agree to me driving you to the shopping mall this late?" Mr Ola inquired, his face tense.

"I honestly don't think they'd care," I grumbled.

"Sincere apologies Ma, you say?"

"Nothing. Just give me ten minutes and I'll be out as soon as I finish "I gave him my famous fake smile and exited the car before he could continue to protest.

That happened five minutes ago. I was currently shopping for toiletries for myself at ShopRite in Jabi Lake Mall. I was tempted to laugh when Mr Ola said my parents wouldn't be happy if I came out this late, but I restrained myself. The poor man had no idea what kind of relationship I had with my parents; in fact, no one did. They couldn't care less if I went to a nightclub in the middle of the night, sef.

I've been looking for the tissue roll for quite some time and can't seem to find it.

"Oh there it is," I muttered to myself, finally locating the roll containing various brands of tissues at the mall.

As I reached out my hand to select one and place it in my shopping basket, another hand reached out to select the same item.

"Sorry, please go ahead," I said, already ready to choose another.

"Amanda?" I turned as soon as I heard my name.

I was surprised to speak. "Frederick?" A big grin appeared on his face, and he seemed excited to see me for some reason.

"What a coincidence," I thought as I narrowed my eyes at him. This was far too coincidental.

"What exactly are you doing here?" I squinted even harder.

"This is a general shopping mall, Amanda; is there some reason that I can't be here?" He chuckled, amused by my unexpected question. I blushed, embarrassed that I had jumped to a hasty conclusion. Thank the Lord for my dark skin, which made it difficult for him to notice I was ferociously blushing.

"OK, sorry," I mumbled.

"You apologize way too much, Amanda," he said with a puzzled expression.

"Anyway," he resumed speaking when he realized I wasn't going to say anything soon, "this is actually perfect timing sef."

I looked at him, perplexed, not understanding where he was going with this.

"You left me hanging in the library," I said, still not understanding what he was saying.

"Don't you recall? today's afternoon? when I asked you to be my friend in the library, but you just apologized and ran out as if something was after you "He looked sad... if I may use the word... For some reason,  Or was I seeing things clearly?

"Oh that," I thought as the realization dawned on me. I remember doing that; I didn't know what to say in response to his question, so I did the only thing I could and ran out of there before you could even say the word "Jack."

"Yes, that," he said, imitating me.

"So now I'm waiting for an answer, can we be friends..."

"See ehn, please just leave me alone," I said, cutting him off.

"What?" He blinked a little, the smile that had once been on his face replaced by a puzzled frown.

"I said leave me alone," I said aloud, surprising both Frederick and myself.

"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd speak this loudly," I said, glaring at the tall boy.

"I'm not sure if this is a prank or if you were even forced to do it."

This was not the first time something similar had occurred to me. I was so gullible the first time it happened that I fell for it almost immediately; not having any friends does that to you.

"No, no, that's not me."

"But please just leave me alone na, act as if I don't exist, you've done it pretty well in the three years I've known you, it shouldn't be too difficult."

"Amanda, you're not paying attention..."

Once again, I cut him off in the middle of his sentence.

"My life isn't the best; I don't want you adding to my wahala, please," I said in a low voice.

(wahala is Nigerian slang for *challenges and difficulties*.)

I extended my hand, grabbed a random pack of tissues, and walked away. Not once did I look back.

"AMANDA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

was the first thing I heard when I walked into the lonely mansion.

I stood frozen for at least a minute, surprised to see my mother. I thought she and Dad had said they'd be back very late. In that case, where was my father? I don't see him; he's probably in his study or something.

"Did you not hear what I asked you, where have you been?, just look at the time?" Instead of feeling scared or panicked like any other child in my situation, I felt quite the opposite. I was overjoyed. I was relieved that, for the first time in my life, my mother seemed to care about me.

I replied, slightly clearing my throat.

"I went to the mall to buy some toiletries for myself," my mother's semi-angry mood vanished as soon as those words left my mouth.

"Oh, that's all? So I don't see why you had to go yourself; you could have simply sent one of the helpers to get it for you; why bother going yourself when you could have used that time to do your schoolwork? Amanda, would you please use your God-given brain on occasion? "With that, she walked away, and I watched her climb the long, tiring staircase until she faded out of sight.

I sighed aloud. So much for her showing any concern. I was once again naive to believe she would care.

My parents were filthy rich, so they were able to provide me with everything imaginable in terms of material possessions; however, they were unable to provide me with the one thing that a parent should never be unable to provide for their child, and that is love.

Love was a non-existent word in my house, and it had always been that way since I can remember. Even after everything I've been through, I was naive to believe that things could change.