60

I let out a sigh and dropped the razor, which landed softly on the hard wood of my bedside cabinet.

It was clear from the cuts on my hand that I used sharp objects on myself. I wasn't always like this; in fact, I was quite content, but that all changed on 'that' faithful day. I tried everything I could to forget about it, and I nearly erased it from my memory. That is what I would like to say.

I cut myself whenever I'm upset, sad, or angry; I know it's a bad habit, and I'm doing everything I can to break it. After all, it was one of the reasons I was placed in a rehabilitation facility.

Being a suicidal manic was not on my list of things I wanted to be when I grew up, but we don't get to choose what we become. God, I sound stupid, but of course, we can choose what we want to become, but the sad truth is that I was just weak.

I slid down to the cold floor in a far corner of the room, hugging myself tightly to the wall, feeling like what I'd always been reminded I'd be and always would be 'Unwanted.

........

We should probably stop meeting in this manner, a voice above me said, sounding all too familiar.

I exhaled a sigh. "No, Frederick, you should stop visiting the library. You literally have nothing to do here "All of this was said with my head down.

"That's not true, I do have something to do here," he said, with a teasing tone in his voice.

"Yeah right," I said sarcastically.

"Actually, this is correct. I've come to see you "I could almost see him winking as he said that.

"You're insufferable, God," I groaned. All he did was laugh. He did, however, have a pleasant laugh. Not that I was ever going to tell him that.

It's funny how our little banter made us seem like we were really close friends despite the fact that we were practically strangers. I felt like I could be myself whenever I was around him for some reason. I guess the adage that you are more yourself when you are with familiar faces rather than strangers didn't really apply to me.

"What happened, by the way?" With a concerned tone, he inquired.

"What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed.

"You haven't raised your head once since I arrived; is something wrong?" His voice was filled with concern once more.

"There's nothing wrong," I mumbled, still not raising my head.

"Amanda," he said, warningly. I sighed and scrunched my brow, finally raising my head.

"What?" I said, glaring in his direction.

"Amanda, Jesus! What actually happened? You appear to have been hit by a truck!" Frederick said all of this with a widened eye and a visible frown.

"Way to make a girl feel special," I said sarcastically, with an eye roll for good measure.

He muttered "sorry" and chuckled nervously. Well, I couldn't blame him; I did, after all, look terrible. Puffy eyes and eye bags didn't look good on anyone.

My natural curly full hair, packed in a natural styled bun, was the only thing that looked manageable. Thank goodness our school did not make plaiting your hair mandatory, as some other schools did.

"Amanda, what exactly happened? You don't appear to have slept, and have you been crying?" Frederick's features screamed seriousness, so I knew I couldn't make any sarcastic jokes.

I mumbled, "It's nothing, just leave it." I could feel a headache coming on strong.

"Amanda, I can't just 'leave it'. Please tell me"

"Why are you so tenacious, ehn?! I told you to leave it!" I didn't realize I was shouting because I had forgotten we were in the library.

"No," he barked back.

"Why?!" In frustration, I inquired. I had no idea why we were both shouting. It was completely unnecessary.

"Because I care about you, Amanda! Because I am concerned "He shouted the first phrase, but when he said it again, he lowered his voice to a whisper.

As soon as my mind registered his words, I felt a tingle in my heart. Did I hear and understand him correctly? Because he is concerned? Why would a complete stranger like him care about me?

"Wh-at?" In shock, I choked out. I wanted him to confirm whether or not I had heard him correctly.

"Amanda, it's because I'm curious and I care to Know. You know that not everyone is out to get you. Now, please tell me what's wrong." He spoke softly. When he said that "Not everyone was out to get me," that was the part that struck me the most. I guess I was acting as if everyone was out to get me. You can't really blame me for that, because my life wasn't all rainbows and sunshine.

I heaved a sigh and tried to wrap my head around the fact that I was actually going to do this.

I motioned for him to sit by tapping a spot on the tiled floor beside me. I started after he did sit down.

"Are you sure you want to know?" He nodded his head as if he were a child. He was still a head taller than me as we sat down on the floor, so I had to look up to him as I spoke.

"Do you really want to know?" He nodded once more.

I continued just to tease him further. "Like seriously, seriously, seriously re—-"

He cut me off with a warning tone, "Amanda." I gave him a sly grin.

"I'm getting engaged," I blurted out, eager to get it over with.

He blinked briefly, as if digesting my words. I won't lie, he did look cute doing it. If he could have read my thoughts at that precise moment, he would have teased me until the day I died.

He was the one who choked out this time.

"Wh-a-t?"

"Yeah, my parents told me the oh-so-'exciting' news yesterday," I said sarcastically.

I started rambling on and on about myself. I mean, I might as well pour my heart out now, because it's always good to finish what you've started, right?

"Who, after all, gives their only child away for marriage? I'm not even 18 years old! I have no idea what my parents are thinking. I'm pretty sure this is just a business opportunity for them, which is why they're so eager to marry me off without giving me much notice."

"I—-" I cut Frederick off.

"And can you believe they want me to meet my so-called Fiancé for dinner today? What a load of nonsense, right?" I exhaled an angry sigh. Frederick appeared nervous for some reason from the corner of my eyes, but I didn't pay much attention to it as I resumed speaking.

"God, if I meet the person they're trying to marry me off to, only the creator of the heavens and the Earth will be able to keep me from kicking him where the sun doesn't shine." I heard an audible gulp from beside me.

"Sure, it's not his fault and all, but I'm still too angry to care," I finally said, huffing. This was the most I'd ever talked to anyone in a long time.

When I turned to face Frederick, I swear I saw a glimmer of fear in his eyes. What was he so terrified of?

"Frederick?" "Are you not going to say anything?" I asked. I looked at him, perplexed. He was a lot quieter than I expected from someone who was trying so hard to figure out what was on my mind.

"Your fiancé is a lucky guy?" He squeaked his way out. It sounded more like a question than a statement to me. What was he doing?

"in which direction are you going?" As I stood up to dust my skirt, I heard Frederick ask.

Bathroom, why? I raised an inquisitive brow in his direction.

"Oh nothing, I just thought you were leaving me here alone," he laughed briefly. I only stared at him for a moment before responding.

"Are you going to wait for me here?" I inquired, surprised. It was the first time anyone had thought to wait for me about anything.

"Uhm yeah," he said, giving me a 'duh' look, as if my question was stupid.

"You are aware that you are not required to wait, correct? You are free to leave whenever you want "I mumbled as I began walking in the direction of the library door. I apologize if I sounded rude, but this was the first time something like this had happened to me, and I didn't know how to react.

"I won't mind waiting. I would want to wait!" He chased after me. For goodness sake, either this boy didn't know anything about following library rules, or he did and chose to disregard them. Thank goodness we were in a quiet section of the library.

When I arrived at the girls' restroom, I immediately went to do my business and exited the toilet stall. I was washing my hands when I heard a bang coming from the restroom's door. I immediately noticed Silver. Her two other friends, Damilola and Fatima, were not far behind.