Chapter 19: My excitement and fear

We arrived at the church and I pulled into the parking lot. We got out of the car and as we walked towards the entrance, Samuel turned to me.

"So, we're going to split up here. I'll go in first and you wait a few minutes before entering," he said.

"Alright, you go first and I'll come in after about five minutes. I think that will give you enough time to talk to John. He's the main person in charge of this church," I replied.

"Before I go, let me remind you that I'll be asking questions about religion and the congregation. And you'll be asking about any parishioners or staff who have been behaving strangely since last year or recently," Samuel said.

"Okay, got it. You go ahead, and I'll make a phone call," I said.

Samuel left and I took out my phone from my pocket. I glanced at the lock screen and saw a photo of her in her wedding dress. She looked so happy that day, but afterwards, it was like she started to fade away, waiting for me until midnight every day.

Melancholy washed over me as I unlocked my phone and opened my contacts. Her number was the only one on my favorites list.

I pressed the call button and held my breath as the phone rang. Every second felt like an eternity. Feelings of anxiety, nervousness, and fear swirled in my head, no, in my soul.

Excitement, like in the beginning of our relationship, anticipation of the upcoming conversation. Nervousness, making me feel hopeless. Because it was nervousness that turned into fear of her not answering the phone, not wanting to talk to me.

With each passing second, excitement was replaced by fear and nervousness. I tightly squeezed my left hand fingers, waiting, waiting until she answered. In that moment, excitement won over fear.

"Hello, James," she said calmly.

"Hello, Kate," I replied, not knowing why I had even called her in the first place. I felt lost, as if I had forgotten how to speak.

"Why did you call?" she asked.

I remained silent. I didn't know what to say, like a teenager unsure of what to say. Seconds passed, and the silence was driving me into a panic.

"James?!" she called out loudly after half a minute of silence.

"Just...I wanted to apologize to you," I told her. "I've decided to leave my job. I'll spend more time with you. Please forgive me."

"You don't have to, James. I've already told you. Give me time. I want to understand. Understand myself, understand us, understand whether it's worth continuing all this," she said.

"I...I understand. I'm at the church right now," I said.

"The church? The one where we got married?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied briefly.

"Okay. Say hi to Father John for me. And goodbye, James. Don't call me again at least until the end of this month. Give me time. Even if you leave your job, you lived for your work as if I didn't exist, getting lost in your job. So now it's my time, time I didn't have for myself. " she said and hung up after my farewell.

I stood there silently, holding the phone in my hand. My grip on the phone tightened with all my might, and it felt like it would crack. I released my grip and looked at it. A crack had appeared on the protective glass of the phone. It felt like fate was mocking me. The crack had passed through her finger, the one with the wedding ring. Was it a joke of the world or fate? But this event squeezed my heart. The pain stealthily crept into my heart, pulling it downwards to the left.

I put away the phone after checking the time. I think enough time had passed. It was time for me to go meet Father John.

Approaching the church, I noticed a couple coming out of it. This couple was familiar to me. I knew them well, although I didn't talk to them much. When Kate and I used to come here, I often saw them. Kate had a good rapport with them, while I just listened without participating in the conversation.

They noticed me, or rather, the girl did. After glancing at me quickly, she continued to talk to her companion, but then looked at me again, this time with him.

"Hello, James," she said.

"Hello, umm…" I replied.

"I'm Emmy, and this is Jimmy," she said.

"Oh, yes. Hello, Emmy," I replied.

"Why haven't you been here for a while? And… Where's Kate?" she asked.

"Um… She's at her parents' farm right now, and I'm busy with work. I am still a detective," I answered.

"Oh, I see. I hope she comes back soon. We had such great conversations, especially stories about you. Haha," she laughed at the end.

"Then we'll go," she said, and her companion nodded his head to me in farewell.

I said goodbye to them and went into the church. I hadn't been here as long as I had been without Kate.

As I walked further from the entrance, I had a view of the hall. There were several rows of pews in the hall. A carpet ran between these rows, leading towards the stage, which rose higher with each platform than the previous one. On the first platform stood a podium with a microphone.

Father John stood next to the podium reading the Bible. Father John was about 70 years old. Thanks to my father's good acquaintance with him, he officiated our wedding, which I was grateful for.

As I approached Father John, I called out to him without getting up to him.

"Hello, Father John," I addressed him.

"Oh... Greetings, James. It's been a while since you've been here. Where's Kate?" he asked.

"She's with her parents right now," I replied.

"Did you have a falling out?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. But I hope that everything will be sorted out and we will be together again," I answered.

"Then I will pray for your reunion. Family is a sacred union approved by God. It cannot be stained by infidelity and disrespect towards each other. You must respect and love each other," he said.

"I will do my best to make everything right, Father John," I said respectfully.

"Since you are here without her, did you come for work?" he asked.