23| That kiss.....

It seems pretty difficult to put away with what happened last night at the bar. I know and I've been trying, trying, trying and super trying to accept it that it happened out of our own free will.

My mind is recalling, replaying and recapping every scene of it but my heart yearns for more and more and when I mean more.....I mean something deeper than that.

I....I just find myself behaving strange after the god-damn thing. I don't know if I was expected to have it but....I enjoyed every moment of it.

And if you ask me what that was.....?

(Flash back of last night)

We got to the bar safely. It was kinda warm in there, well, maybe Dexter remembered my body temperature. He was actually right when he said lot of people weren't at the bar at that hour, yet, it was still pretty busy. Waiters and waitresses everywhere, running to people's aid for their orders.

I won't lie but I kinda like the way he held hands with me and walked me in with the other hand keeping itself warm in his front pocket as he tries to avoid the cold from outside.

He was the one who actually asked me to put on something thick before we left his loft. And I was only wearing a thick beautiful long coat, colourful beanie, red mittens, dark blue jeans—yeah, yeah, I'm a jean-mom. And socks getting the best temperature inside my boots. He was only on a woollen scarf of many colors, which was tied nicely around his neck, a thick dark jacket, earmuffs which was resting itself on his ears, grey sweater pants looks gorgeous on him and then, a pair of boots too.

It was snowing everywhere and he had to headlight till we got to the bar. If you ask me, winter is never my favorite season. But I love it for Christmas. I prefer summer, though.

I've never been to a bar or clubhouse before. I don't usually do this kinda things, you know, hang out on scanty basis. Alyssa is the one who usually forces me to go out with her and it's still not my thing. But today, I left my family and kids at his loft and head out with him just to have a drink.

We took our seats from the counter. He just tapped his fingers on the counter and the bartender recognized him. They exchanged pleasantries and I begin to wonder how they knew each other since he told me he wasn't a club-person.

Seems like the expression was written all over my face, so he began to answer without getting a verbal question from me. "Okay, don't get your mind twisted, Cyrus, Maverick and I usually come here less when we're jobless or have nothing to do entirely."

"So, he is actually a guard or a royal entitled person in the palace, right?" My question hasn't been answered fully.

"Who? Colton?" He chuckled. "No. Actually, he recognizes me and my friends coming here often, so we go with the flow."

Ah, is it?

I shook my head slowly, pretending to understand a word he said. Though, I adore his foreign accent. I'm talking about Colton's foreign accent and the way he spoke fluent English.

Everything was going smoothly when our drinks arrived. I enjoyed the electronic-pop music played on the background and I just find my head moving slowly in accord to the song, while I tangle a strand of my hair in my finger playfully as I hummed the song while getting a view at the people in the bar.

Some were busy interacting, some shamelessly making out on their own—I literally took my eyes off that one with speed. While others were whiling away their sorrows by dancing. So I kept my eyes on that one. Especially when the DJ increased the volume of the music.

It got to my vibe and I wanted to join the entertainment but with my personality, am not that brave. Even this drink is not an alcohol yet, I'm scared to finish the whole bottle, thinking I'll go home drunk. I don't want Dexter to see the tipsy side of me. I bet he'll use it to make history when we get home, except he's not like grandma.

"Wanna dance?" Dexter's voice chimed me out of my trance.

"Huh? What? No, no, am good." I say, shuttering the words as I look away and took a big gulp of my drink.

I can hear him chuckling, "You really are shy, aren't you?" I didn't answer. Well, yeah, I am. Especially in front of a guy. "Well I'll take that as a yes and that won't stop us from dancing."

Huh? This guy gat to be kidding me.

Me? Dance? In the wildest dreams of my life. Even me, I'll be shock to see myself dance for just one day. "I never dance." I find myself speaking out the words.

His brow edge upwards, then I look around to avoid his direct gaze but that was when I realize that it wasn't just a bar but a clubhouse. My eyes bugged at him for not smelling it coming when we first entered.

"Care for a dance?" That's the only thing he could say, winking and grinning as he stretch forward his hand to reach mine.

I hid it with myself, still not having the nerve to join the people on the dancefloor. "Dexter, I'm not—"

"I know, but there's no harm in trying, right?"

My lips parted and I wanted to say something to cover up that shit but nothing, absolutely nothing could drive out of my mouth in defense. I just stammered and stammered, it was in silence then I gave up.

My heart pounding like I was heading for the courtroom as I took his hand in mine.

"Your palm is so cold. I can feel it under the mitten." He says as we walk slowly to the dancefloor like couples on suit and gowns.

All I did was gave him a weak smile. Oh my nerves are burning dead and melting down like my soul is gonna leave me. I've never danced out before, except I do it inside my room alone with myself codedly and secretly.

He was in allign with the song as he began to move slowly, intertwining his five fingers with mine and the other rested at the small of my back. I just hid my face away and move, rhyming with him.

"You see? Perfect." His voice so deep and soft at the same time.

I blushed. My shameless cheeks that couldn't stop turning themselves red every now and then whenever he slurred. I could have hid my face in my palms but how can I do that almost all the time? It's embarrassing.

"Triana, I don't know but I kinda like your way of life." He started. We're still dancing like kings and queens. "You're different. Your personality is a gift, you should appreciate it."

I just nodded, cupping my chins as a smile falls out.

What was he trying to say? That being shy or timid was actually a gift that deserve thanksgiving?

Maybe I should tell that to the skeletons in the cupboard if only I have one because....he just spilled me around unknowing to me and cover me in his arms tightly like I was gonna run out of my snare.

His arms literally crossed under my belly, keeping me in his embrace with my back facing him. I could feel his warm breath on my nape, sending chills down my spines.

Holy moly, I've never felt like this before. Even in my last marriage, I'd be lying if I said I have. It felt.....so different. Just his breath on my neck and am acting like an earthworm with salt all over its body. I don't want this moment to end as I snuggle into his embrace, actually using my body language to tell him how much I want to be in his arms. We remained in that position for minutes, still dancing slowly. And I loved as his body was like a huge towel covering my back and shoulders.

Just then, my phone buzzed in my pocket, purposely spoiling my sweet moment with Dexter. I tried to ignore it but I guess Dexter felt the vibration as he jolted, pulling away. I had no choice but to groan inwardly at the mother-fucker who's dialing my line at this hour.

Oh, speaking of mother-fucker... Hehehe.

It was mom calling by the way when I saw the caller ID. She quickly hung up, and I guess she's contemplating whether to talk to me or not. Instead, she just did a text.

WHERE ARE YOU? AND I CAN'T FIND DEXTER TOO. BECCA IS SLEEPWALKING.

I annoyingly rolled my eyes off the phone's screen.

Seriously? Was this why they called to spoil my mood? I know my daughter very well, when she's done sleepwalking around the house, she'll find her way back to the room again.

I sighed and Dexter's brows creased on it. "Is everything alright, Triana?" I smell worrisome in his tone.

"Not really," I say, keeping my phone back to it's place in my pocket. "It's just a silly thing going with my daughter, Rebecca."

"Sleepwalking again?" Jesus, how does this guy manages to know everything like a genius?

My eyes still fully wide open at the shock and I gasped, "How did you know about it? It was grandma who told you, right?"

"Mrs. Winter didn't tell me anything, I just saw her doing her usual thing the night before yesterday. And I assume you were unaware before she stepped out of the room." Yeah, maybe I was. Busy sleeping and dreaming about my crazy fantasies with Dexter.

We were supposed to step out and head home by now but because of our silence, especially when I never said anything in return to what Dexter said, we stood frozen like a chicken on a particular spot. Busy staring into each other's eyes like we want to see our deepest secrets.

Just like that, kept going, and going and going and going and...boom. The most expected happened. He crashed his lips on mine, gently taking it into his mouth and I never rejected. Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing closer as I demands for more.

Mmm, it seems like we're both enjoying it. We never stopped instantly as I allow him savour my plumpy lips. Moans began to escape my mouth as he ravish my mouth deliciously.

Uhmm..... I've been waiting for this to happen since this morning. I wanted to take the lead but got embarrassed. But right now, I don't think we both are. I'll call us shameless and I expected someone to tell us GO GET A ROOM YOU TWO. It was normal to do things like this in here. I saw people doing it before now and I never thought it'd got to my turn. With the loud music on the background, it was very hard for anyone to hear me moan. Everything I felt in the kiss was covered, blessed and soaked in passion, love, affection, pleasure and.....pain.

I believe the pain side was us doing this when we are literally not supposed to. Though we had an arranged proposal, but we're adults and we know what we want. As for me, I want this and I want to enjoy every moment of it. Savouring it to the fullest. I'm not regretting it at all because for the past one month, my heart has been craving hungrily for it and I can't continue deceiving myself anymore.

He bit my lower lip as he pulls away when he couldn't feel my breath. And I exhaled sharply before opening my eyes to meet a pair of JetBlue eyes staring deeply into mine.

I won't lie but that lips of his was a vanilla cream on top a strawberry and chocolate ice cream. I wanted more. I needed more. I've never been so needed like this in my entire life. If his lips could taste so good and dashing like this on mine, then I wonder what I'd feels like if we go deeper. I'll just pass out, wake up, pass out again, wake up and it'll continue like that. And I swear, I won't let go of that moment. I'll just pray it doesn't happen somehow because if it does... I'll make sure I pin him down not wanting him to move an inch at all.

I saw the regrets in his eyes. "We shouldn't have done that," He says when he parked his car outside his loft. With us still in the car. "It's my fault, I'm sorry. I crossed my boundaries."

Before I could process what he said or give response to any of it at all, he opened his side of the door and walked out, leaving me to myself.

I opened my side of the door, slowly walking out. I shut the door behind me and only got a view of his retrieving back as he walks into the loft with both hands in his front pockets. He didn't spare a glance on me whether I was out or not but I know he sure knew I was out because he heard the door shut.

My hand found itself touching my lips again and then my brain reversed back to the kissing scene at the clubhouse. Somehow, I was supposed to smile about it but, yeah, I thought about his regrets.

Did he loved it and was actually pretending not? Or he truly regrets it? I wanted to know but I wish I was a genius like him who could read people minds especially mine.

(Flash back ends)

You can see how difficult it is to get over with what happened.

That kiss...

There was something tangible about that kiss that I've never felt before and I can't help the fact that I need more. It just keeps driving me crazy everytime it reflects in my head. Causing me the reason why I couldn't sleep last night. I bet he won't have a good night too.

We both were into this, we did it together and it was a realtime makeout. We should know what we want. I still want more of him but all he could do was regret it?

Huh, I'm not going to bullshit that moment just like that. I'm going to make up for it and it has to be him or no one else.