The Forest Of Doom

"Those fucking *cough* bandits," said Liu as he lay injured on the ground.

"What kind of seer are you?" said the woman who lay right next to him. "You could have warned us."

"Ah, bitch, please. I didn't feel like stating the obvious," said Neon, also flat on his back.

All three lay in the middle of a dense canopy of trees. There was a break in the canopy from which light entered, and they were lying right in that little circular patch of grass in the forest with their heads pointing at each other.

"Of course, there were bandits. There are always bandits," said the seer.

"No, there are not," the lady retorted.

"There are. Name one time when something important is escorted or shit and bandit don't pop up," the seer responded in kind.

"Now that you *cough* mention it, damn," Liu spoke in a weak, whispery tone.

"All three of us fell to our doom. How are you even alive?" asked the lady.

"No martial art doesn't mean weak," replied the seer.

"Am not cough make it, will cough I?" asked Liu, still spewing blood.

"You okay?" asked the lady in a concerned tone.

"Yea, this won't ah kill," he responded.

All three of them lay there in the Valley of Doom.

"You should count yourself lucky you are down here. You would be more doomed up there," the seer remarked.

"How is this better? Please enlighten," she asked in a satirical tone.

"Jeez woman, they are bandits. They would do horny stuff, don't you think?" said the seer.

"We're going to die here," she sighed.

"No, we won't. I took the money with calculations. It will take about 30 days to get there, though. You did not specify a time limit," Neon said, looking rather proud of himself.

"We are in the Forest of Doom in the Valley of Doom," a reminding tone this time.

"I know that woman, let's go. Can you guys move?" the seer ordered as he got up.

"In a bit," both of the others replied in unison.

***

"Alright, here it comes!" shouted Liu as he came running towards the other two.

A giant rhinoceros chased him. This rhino wasn't just humongous. It was as if all possible parts of its body had turned into blades. Liu ran like a madman, with his tongue sticking out and barely clinging to his breath.

He ran off the little naturally made stone ramp that was located beside the little stream of water. He jumped off the ramp and pulled onto two ropes from both his arms. And then fell down into the water body below him.

The giant blade rhino followed. It also jumped off but due to his massive size, that of a medium-sized cottage, he destroyed and damaged and wrecked all the trees on his way here. Though not that many, as the density of trees was not really that great, the giant rhino jumped all the way to the other side of the stream and slid and dug itself into the ground as it tried to stop itself from moving.

"That does it now," the seer murmured as he grabbed hold of a rope and jumped down the branch of the tree he was on.

Just as he did that, a thin net-like wall rose up before the trajectory of the rhino. The net was made of very fine lines of cold iron.

The rhino, unable to stop itself, passed straight through the net, cutting itself into fine rectangular blocks.

"Yo lady, cook this while I rescue our friend." He waved at a slightly higher terrain to his left where they had set up camp. There, the lady sat knitting more of those cold-iron nets.

At the edge of the river was Liu, stuck on a rock drowning but not flowing any further. Neon picked him up and put him to rest in the camp on the hillside where they made their camp.

"How much longer?" a lifeless voice of a maiden echoed from outside the tent.

There was their employer lying face flat on the ground in front of the campfire on which they were attempting to cook that rhino.

"We are eating rhinos now. Why? Tasteless, meaningless, lifeless, worthless," the lifeless voice continued.

"For a spoiled brat, you sure stayed up for long. A normal spoiled brat would bitch or get killed by now. You aren't cringe, not cringe at all," Neon said, looking down at her as he stood beside her.

The face that was faced toward the ground now faced the seer's feet, and the eyes looked as far up to the seer as they could.

"It's all your fault we are stuck here. I blame you." Her eyes were filled with rage and her voice was one of unending torment. And then she burst into tears and started crying.

"Come on brother, don't be like this. You made her cry again," Liu commanded. He no longer seemed like a man who was almost drowned and dead a while ago. He walked up to her, and he pushed Neon away with one hand as he bent to her. He picked her up about halfway and then placed her head on his chest while he was still on his knees. The head continued to sob away.

"Come on bro, what happened to that little bonding session? Bros before hoes. Remember," Neon retaliated to the absurd defense that had been put up against him.

Liu glared. Neon spread his arms out and shook his head. It basically translated to "That's how it is, huh? Seriously." He then turned around, parkoured up a tree, and then disappeared into the canopy.

"Damn, not being cringe is a good thing. Just when I think things aren't cringe, they suddenly become cringy. Fuck man. My neck. It will break from that shitty love-Dovey crap. Ughhh," the seer talked to himself as he bounced from one branch to another.

It wasn't even a few minutes before he decided to turn back towards the campsite.

"Gah, I apologize. I didn't mean to be mean. But she has some grudge against me or something," Neon said as he approached Liu, who was now taking care of the cooking.

"No, she does not. You are a freaking seer. You should know that," replied Liu.

"Well, I don't want to acknowledge cringe when I see it. Chalk it down to a character flaw, ok? Keep me away from those cringy, shitty emotional nonsense things," responded Neon. "Where is she, by the way?"

"Ah, she went to take a bath... I think," remembered Liu.

"She went for fucking what?" Neon snapped.

"What... I do... well," Liu was shaken by Neon's sudden burst.

Neon quickly grabbed him by his arms. "Where?" He asked.

And to that, Neon got no response.

"ARE YOU STUPID? Well, seer prediction time, everyone," Neon yelled as blood surged through his brain.

"I predict with my big brain her getting kidnapped by a monster" still in rage but he said that in a joyous tone.

"EEEEEEEYYYAAAHH" A scream echoed.

"AND THERE IT IS. BOORAH"the seer yelled as soon as the scream was heard. It was almost as if he celebrated it. For he jumped and punched the sky as he yelled.

"I swear this happens every fucking time. Lone girl bathing. And it's naughty-naughty time for whatever."