CH32: To Love You Is My Choice

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CH32: To Love You Is My Choice

"You don't have to keep doing this, Zora." I said.

Her body shivered a bit.

"If I don't do this, who will?" She replied with a forced smile.

"I know what you're trying to do, but I can't give you what you want. Our relationship of Master and student is the best I can offer you."

She finally stopped what she was doing. She turned her back to me.

"Why won't you accept me? Is it because I'm not pretty enough? Not strong enough? I'll do anything. Just tell me what I'm lacking."

"You don't lack anything. No man would say you do. You are perfect. I'm the problem." I sighed. "I am a man without mana in a World of Mana. You don't understand that now, but you will... soon enough.

"The emotions you feel are because people you trust, your father... your brother, say we will be a good couple. You've taken that to be true and worked towards that. However, you are closing yourself off to better options.

"You are a strong, brave beautiful girl. From the moment I saw you, I knew you could be someone great so I trained you. Now, you yourself can see it. You will become strong... truly strong. At that time, I will only be an ant before your eyes. Why should a lioness be bound to an ant?

"When you are older, you will see that the emotions you have now are the foolishness of a young girl. You will meet people better than me, stronger than me, wiser than me. And most importantly, a person who would love you better than I ever could."

"Stop it." She said.

But I ignored her.

"Let us face the reality. I can't wield mana. I am a cripple. Even with all the training I do, the highest peak I'll reach is the Knight-rank. I may look strong to you now but I will soon reach the limit I can go. You will meet and surpass me. Being with me is no different from being with a burden!"

"Stop it!" Her mana flared out.

She turned to me with eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop talking." She sobbed. "You will never be a burden to me."

I was going to say something but she cut me off.

"I love you, but it's not because of anyone. It's because of you that I love you. I am a strong girl? It was you who made me this way. Before you came, I could hardly say a word to anyone outside my family. I couldn't take a stand against anyone. I was anything but strong! You were the one who changed me!

"You made me who I am now. So, why should I go to someone else?! The thought of being with someone else is sickening... it makes my skin crawl. I will never let anyone touch me except from you. I will kill anyone who tries!"

She released a killing intent so potent that I was caught off-guard.

"I will look down on you when I'm stronger? That will never happen. I am becoming strong because you made me strong. I will reach the Apex because of you! I will never forget the time you came here. I remember your second awakening. You would've become the strongest person ever if not for this world... if not for me. So, I will reach it in your place! If anyone dare looks down on you, I will kill them!

"I am what I am because of you. I will be whatever I become because of you. I will not share whatever I have... whatever I achieve with anyone but you!"

I felt my heartache.

The memory of that night in the field with Annabelle overlapped with Zora now.

"Yes, even though we're the same age, I am not as mature as you. Unlike you, I am naive of the world. I am not as wise as you. I am also not as knowledgeable as you. But there is something I know more than you.

"I know myself!"

My eyes widened.

She slowly closed the distance between us. She placed her hand on my chest, above my heart.

"One of the first things you taught me was to find myself... find my goals... my dreams. Everything I have revolves around you. I have chosen to give my body, soul and everything to you. I made a choice to love you, knowing fully well you might not feel the same."

She raised her eyes from my chest and looked into my eyes.

"Master... no." She shook her head. "Leo, son of Xander, I, Zora daughter of Rowland, loves you with all my heart and being. I swear on my mana and being, I will always love you forever, no matter what you do or what happens between us."

All through, my heart clenched. I was frozen stiff and couldn't move.

No...

That was an excuse, I could move. I just didn't.

I watched as the girl made a selfless vow to me. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to reciprocate.

It seemed Zora could see my inner turmoil.

She smiled.

"You don't have to love me. I don't mind. I will love you. I will always stay by your side no matter what you do. I don't even care if you love someone else. What I feel for you won't change."

"What if... what if I destroy everything you care about? C-Can you still... claim that?"

Zora smiled.

"Unless you kill yourself, you'll never be able to destroy everything I care about." Zora smiled. "Besides, you are proud man. Would you be able to even do that?"

I sighed.

She was right. I couldn't knowingly do it. I couldn't hurt her like that knowingly.

However, it didn't mean I couldn't do so unknowingly. My previous life was a clear proof of that.

"I want to do something. Don't be angry, okay? Just grant me this."

I nodded.

If I were in a full state of mind, I might have read between the lines, but the feeling of guilt from two lives overwhelmed me.

I didn't see it coming, something which was obvious would happen.

Zora kissed me.

It was a clumsy kiss and obviously her first time.

I could've pushed her away. But I couldn't bring myself to do so.

The trembling hand on my heart made it crystal clear the kiss was a culmination of all the courage she had.

'Sometimes, cruelty is necessary. However, it has to be done in the right way. If you have to be cruel, bury your heart, do it swiftly and be completely thorough. For it is a prolonged act of cruelty that becomes evil.' I recalled this saying again.

I knew... I knew if I pushed her back, I could probably put an end to the affection she had.

However, as I was about to do so.

The memory of Annabelle's corpse in the coffin appeared in my mind.

Before I knew it, I wrapped my hands around Zora's waist and returned her kiss.

We shared a really deep kiss.

A string of saliva stretched out as we pulled away.

Zora had an unintentional blushing, sultry and tempting look in her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.

I almost lost control over my teenage hormones as I had the thought to push the lass down and turn her into a woman.

Fortunately, my old soul quickly reined them in. I had already screwed up. I didn't intend to make the situation unsalvable.

It is a prolonged act of cruelty that becomes evil.

These words flashed through my mind as I looked at the lass.

Returning her kiss just now as the definition of evil.

I had given her hope... hope that there could be something between us when I knew I didn't think so.

Yet, the problem was... she was really happy right now. There was nothing I could say to her anymore. The vow plus the kiss had cemented her stubbornness.

I didn't know what to say.

"Thank you for not rejecting me. I know this doesn't mean you love me... but it shows you don't not love me either. I have hope."

"Hope is a cruel thing. It will make you pin for something you cannot have." I said.

"No." Zora shook her head. "Hope means it's possible to have what I pin for."

"But what if it's something you can't get?"

"Why are you behaving silly, Master? You were the one who told me the journey is just as important as the destination. Means is just as important as the end. Even if I can't get the result I want, at least I can find joy in the process."

I closed my eyes.

For some reason, those words spoke to me.

It was pretty much the same thing Rowland had been saying to me, but it was more impactful coming from Zora.

'Can I really ease up? Do I have the luxury of enjoying the view?' I wondered to myself once more in the last few days.

I looked at Zora.

"I understand your commitment, but I may never be able to reciprocate your feelings. I may end up with someone else. You really should give up on this."

Zora shook her head.

"I love you, Leo. That's my decision. You can decide not to accept my love but you have no right to ask me not to feel what I feel. Similarly, to love someone else is your decision and right. I have no right to say otherwise." She replied solemnly. Then she smiled, "But be ready. No matter what... no matter how long it takes... it doesn't matter if you're with someone or not, I will make you fall in love with me."

She raised her pinkie finger .

I involuntarily laughed.

"Fine. Let's see if you can do that, little lass."

I hooked her finger with mine.

"It's a promise."

Zora left with a spring in her step.

I wondered if I handled things correctly.

Was there even a right way in matters of love?

I sighed.

I keep recalling the events of my previous life. Then there was the talk with the phantom of Annabelle during my second awakening. There was also the clenching of my heart as well as the Blessing, {Bind of Love}.

I wondered if I should just give in and give love a chance.

In both my lives now, I've received the undeserved love of two wonderful women. First was Annabelle, now it's Zora. Perhaps I should give the emotion some active thought.

That said, Zora wasn't going to be my first lover.

I was inexperienced in matters of love. I wasn't even sure I was capable of it.

I didn't want to somehow unintentionally hurt the girl.

So, I decided I would find another person to love first. Perhaps someone mature and experienced in the matter I can learn from.

Fortunately, polygamy wasn't a strange occurrence in this world so I was secured in that aspect, right?

-

Anyway, I put the headache-inducing love matters aside and turned to a process I could control and understand.

I finally had everything I needed to facilitate the allocation of the Attribute points I got from my Tier advancement.

By the end of the arduous process, I should achieve true Knight-ranked strength and take a place amongst the middle echelon of the world of Arun.

Albeit secretly of course.

(To be continued...)