Season 3 Chapter 15

I kept on staring then sighed before finally walking towards the restaurant, I opened the door and walked in quietly, and went to my room then locked the door and stood in front of the mirror. I stared at my reflection blankly, I bite my lower lip as I could imagine Julie's crying face in the mirror image, I grabbed my paperweight out of rage and threw it towards the mirror. There was a loud sound of shattering of glasses, I panted trying to calm my anger. I could hear knocking sounds outside the door, I took a deep breath calming my mind before finally unlocking, Naomi stood there with worried expressions. She stares at me then glances at the broken mirror and paper-weight.

Naomi: Are you hurt? Is there something you want to share with me? (She asked while raising her brow)

Me: I am sorry for breaking your glass …I will compensate for it. (I said in a guilty manner)

Naomi: (she sighs) That's not what I meant. Anyways, do me a favor, go out, have some fresh air. Calm your mind then return. Till then I will clean this mess. Now go. (She tried controlling her anger before leaving)

I freshen up, and stepped outside of the restaurant. I wandered around for some time, "I hate this…I hate myself….I hate myself so much!", my inner voices screamed. "I never wanted this…I never wanted any of this bullshit!". I felt like chopping off my tongue, I was confused with my own actions, it was the first time in my life that I have hurt someone innocent with my words and it felt worse than beating people. I never realized that simple words can be sharp like glass and make someone bleed.

I kept on walking aimlessly to clear my head, soon I crossed nearby the supermarket, where I saw Julie's mother struggling with her shopping bags, I hesitated for a second and scanned around only to notice that Julie wasn't there with her. I rubbed the back of my head sighing and pondered if I should approach her or not. Unfortunately I failed to watch her struggle and decided to give her a helping hand, as I hurriedly approached her and grabbed two of her shopping bags, she stared at me confused.

Clara: Uhm…my child, do I know you? (She felt suspicious)

Me: Uhm…not really maam, but….uh…Julie didn't come with you? (I said indicating that I am an acquaintance of Julie)

Clara: Ah! You must be one of Julie's new friend. I am fine dear, those bags are heavy, I can carry them on my own, so please don't trouble yourself. (She replied while trying to take the bags from my hands)

Me: I….I really want to help you out. Don't worry, I am strong, and these bags aren't even heavy for me. (I said in a polite manner)

Clara: If you wish so, please go ahead. I don't want to bother you with my problems. (She sighed then smiled) Thank you. (We started walking towards her house) I wish Julie has more friends like you.

Me: (I hesitated hearing her words) Maam, it's better if you don't wish for such things. I am not a good influence for your daughter.

Clara: Uhm…can I ask you something? (She hesitated slightly) By any chance, are you Anne?

Me: Y-Yea…but how do you know? (I looked at her surprised)

Clara: Julie told me about you, she described you as someone with sharp eyes like a sword, blue iris like an deep ocean…skin like snow….hair like woods and strength like a warrior. Yeah that's pretty much what she said regarding you. (She giggles) she keeps on speaking about you nonstop, I feel happy that she finally made a friend whom she admire so much. To be frank, I always wanted to meet you. (She says while she stops walking)

Me: Maam…(I stared at her face while standing there) I don't know what Julie has told you regarding me. But….I…I don't want to end up corrupting her….so it's better if you ask Julie to maintain distance from me. (I sighed there was a hint of sadness in my eyes) I am like a devil, who's hands have committed awful sins, so….(my voice trail off before I could complete the sentence)

Clara: (she pats my head) My child, everyone have a good and a bad side. Last thing that a devil would do is regretting their own actions. You are just a human, we commit mistakes, we learn from it, which makes us grow. There is nothing wrong in being sinful as long as you regret your actions, and try to be a better person. Your eyes are clear like a lake, it reflects your innocence and wisdom, I don't know who have hurt you, but I pray that you will get over it soon and move forward towards a better life. Unresolved traumas can be like a poison, it eats us slowly from inside, my child, its fine to reach out for help, asking for help doesn't make us weak. (She smiled)

Me: (I nod slightly) I will try….

Clara: As for Julie, I have noticed some changes in her since the day she met you. (She caresses my cheek) she has become bit stronger than before. She has started standing up for herself , though, she still has a long way to go. I know, whatever you have done, it must have been for her wellbeing. And I also realize that it hurts you more than it hurts her, to act like a bad person in her life. My child, I know that you are worried about her, and you are trying your best to toughen her up. But in the process, don't end up being a villain to yourself. I know that kid is emotionally weak, and because of that reason she gets bullied by others. (She says in a concerned tone)

Me: No…maam….you are wrong, Julie is emotionally strong, she just need to sharpen herself. She has a high EQ, she understands other problem, she is innocent and naïve which becomes a big issue for her own self and others who are close to her. She needs to understand, that the world is filled with dirt, and there is no place for innocence in adult world.  I…I just don't want her to get hurt by other people, that's it. (I bite my lower lip while frowning)

Clara: I feel, it can go both ways, Julie needs to see, that the world is not as innocent as she feels, and you need to understand, that not everyone are bad. It's really complicated, nothing is black or white, it's grey. I feel, Julie is too optimistic while you are too pessimistic in your ideologies. Anyways, we are almost there. (She said while we continued walking)

There was a long pause after that, her words ran through my head, it gave me a mixed emotions, my thoughts were clouded, I didn't understand how to react about her philosophy anymore, it felt logical but I hated to admit that she is right regarding her analysis about me. Somewhere I started getting jealous of Julie. How can she have a such a sweet mother? I mean…..I am just jealous….

 To be continued...