Season 7 Chapter 4

The silence was briefly broken by the clinking of cutlery as neither of us spoke. For the first time, I hesitated to start a conversation with my brother Leo. Though it was my idea to invite him to lunch, intending to discuss the issue with King, I found myself at a loss for words. Being twins, I believed Leo would understand King best and be the ideal person to reach out to him. However, when I saw Leo's disheveled appearance, and the dark circles under his eyes, I couldn't muster the courage to bring up the subject.

Leo: So, how is school? (He finally broke the silence as he spoke in a weak voice devoid of emotions. But still forced a smile over his tired dried up lips to reassure me. His shoulders were slumped from exhaustion.)

Me: Its good yeah….we are qualified for semi-finals. (I smiled as I spoke)

Leo's: Congratulations. (He says before covering his lips as he yawns) I apologize for my poor etiquette. (He says before drinking a sip of water to keep himself awake.)

Me: No….its fine….uhm….(I sighed) You don't look good…..what's wrong?

Leo: Nothing, just exams are coming. (He says shrugging) So not getting enough time to sleep.

Me: (I sighed in relief) Just exams? Come on bro, you are smart, you don't need to worry for a mere paper. I am sure you will pass with flying colours. (I grinned)

Leo: (he looks at me coldly) Easier for you to say when no one has any expectations from you. (He sips waters) Life is different for me, our parents have high expectations from me. After all, I am their oldest child. Tsk sometimes I wish I was born as the second son, then I could have wasted my time like King. (He grits his teeth with his eyes filled with jealousy)

Me: (I lips trembled hearing his words. It felt like he was shooting draggers and reopening my wounds) Right…..(I murmured lowering my eyes)

Leo: (he realises his mistakes as he glances at me) I-I am sorry! (He stammers getting anxious) I didn't mean it that way! I….I am just too stressed out right now.

Me: Yeah….I understand. (I smiled faintly) Its fine, I have already accepted the fact that it doesn't matters to our parents, if I don't exists.

Leo: No….that's not true! (He denies while hesitating) I am really sorry…..(he bits his lower lip before standing up) Maybe we should meet some other time…..I am really sorry…..(he keeps repeating the same words)

Me: (I grabbed his hand and stared at him) Sit.

Leo: But…..(he felt embarrassed of his actions)

Me: (I glared at him before frowning) I said, sit down, Leo Elizabeth. (I commanded)

Leo: (he hesitates but sits down eventually) I am sorry…..I didn't mean to hurt you. (He covers his face with his hands feeling defeated) It's just…..

Me: (softening my voice) Just what, Leo? Tell me what's really going on.

Leo: (after a long pause, he sighs deeply and lowers his hands) It's not just the exams. It's everything. The pressure, the expectations, trying to be perfect all the time... Sometimes, it feels like I'm drowning and there's no one to pull me out.

Me: Have you looked at yourself? (I said pinching the bridge of my nose feeling tired) You already look defeated. How are you going to put up with expectations when you are so....

Leo: Unorganised? (He raises his brow)

Me: Tired….you seem tired and stressed out. (I sighed) Do you believe that will help?

Leo: You won't understand…..its really hard to manage life when you are scared of disappointing others. (He bit his lower lip)

Me: And why do you need to live up to others expectations? (I raised my brow) You choose to become a medical student. They might expect you good marks from you, but did they ever force you to lead a life that you never wanted? Our parents might be negligent but they never forces us to do something against our will.

Leo: (he tapped his feet feeling anxious) No, its just the unseen forces. I can't explain to you, but I have a responsibility to live up to their expectations. Anne, I can't afford to disappoint them like King.

Me: Do you hate King?.... (I asked) Even though he is your twin brother?

Leo: (he laughs bitterly) Hate? I despise him, I am jealous of him. Here I can't even meet Adelina because of our exams and works, and there he changes his lovers like clothes. That bastard is leading a carefree life while I am trying to put up with expectations. (He clenched his fist feeling annoyed).

Me: You really think so? (I frowned) Everyone have their own problems in life, just because you are facing some issues doesn't mean you can assume that others are leading a better life. (I sighed before running my fingers through my hair) Sometimes…..I also feel jealous of Angela. But do you know what makes you and me, different?

Leo: What?....(he asks)

Me: Unlike you, I don't let my personal feelings affect our relationship. (I said before smiling) Brother, I know that life is hard, but don't give up. These are the challenges that helps us grow. Be positive, I know you can do this.

Leo: (he sighs) You are right….I think I have been overdoing myself. But you know….everything is so overwhelming, there is tough competition. And….it makes me feel anxious…..

Me: I understand. (I smiled while squeezing his hand softly) Maybe you are feeling more anxious because of lack of sleep?

Leo: What do you mean? (He raises his brow)

Me: I mean, take care of your mental health first, if you want to get good results in your paper. (I pulled his cheek) Along with studying, a good lifestyle always works. (I winked)

Leo: Yeah Yeah…..my lady philosopher. (He laughs while speaking in a sarcastic manner) I will take care of my health, happy?

Me: Mhm….yes. (I grinned knowing that I can't do anything more except for motivating him. For some reason, I felt helpless, and useless, but couldn't express. It looked like, I was not much of a help to my siblings and they have started to hide things from me.)

Leo: Anyways. (He looks at his watch) I need to leave now. (He stands up and squeezes my cheeks) Take care. (He smiles)

Me: I will also leave now. Take care. (I smiled as I stood up. The waiter walked towards us with the bill as brother Leo paid the money before we left the restaurant.)

It was late evening, I sat on the soft grass of the old football ground with a cigarette in between my fingers. The smoke raised in the air, spreading further, before mixing up with the surroundings. It is a full moon night, the sky is clear, with stars twinkling like a diamond jewellery. The soft wind blew against my face, making my hair float. As the ashes fell between my feet, I kept staring at void, my mind ran at the pace of a rushing river, filled with countless thoughts and doubts. Each puff of smoke seemed to carry away a fragment of my worries, yet the weight of them lingered. The tranquillity of the night contrasted sharply with the turmoil inside me, creating a strange sense of calm amidst chaos.

As I sat there devoid of any emotions, Maria gave me a silent company. She settled beside me, enjoying the scenario without asking me any question. As if she was waiting for me to start a conversation. After returning to my room, the first thing I did was to call Maria. Because….she is the only one who can understand my concerns and inner turmoil. Its been few minutes since we positioned ourselves in the open field. Maria started coughing as the smoke reaches her nose, I sighed glancing at her before throwing away the cigarette.

Me: Sorry. (I said hugging my legs together)

Maria: Would that cigarette solve your problems? (She said still coughing)

Me: You can stop now, I already threw away the cigarette. (I sighed) No need to continue your fake coughs, you will hurt your throat.

Maria: Yeah right. (She says in a sarcastic tone) at least fake cough works.

Me: (I buried my face on my legs) I am a terrible sister.

Maria: You really believe that? (She asks)

Me: (I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes down) I've failed as a sibling. I didn't see the signs when my siblings were going through tough times, they don't even share their problems with me anymore. I wasn't there when they needed me the most, just because I was busy enjoying my own life. I feel so selfish and pathetic. (I bit my lower lip) I don't even know what's happening in their lives now.

Maria: How is it wrong to enjoy your own life? (She frowns) You have received this opportunity after lots of hardships and happiness doesn't last forever, so why should you let it get affected just because of your siblings' wrong life choices?

Me: (I looked at her in disbelief) What are you saying? Its my responsibility!

Maria: You aren't their parents, even they know that. (She sighed) Anne, we are at a phrase of life where we fall and stand back again. You can't protect them like babies when you, yourself are vulnerable. And what is wrong with your siblings keeping secrets when you do the same? (She glares at me) when was the last time that you shared your problems with your elder brothers? Or had a proper conversation with them? Why do you think they need to share their issues with you, when you don't do the same?

Me: (I bit my lower lip) I…..I think I fucked up. (I said with a bitter smile) I feel….our relationship has become detached over time, maybe we aren't as close as before.

Maria: That's natural. (She says staring at the sky) There are many things that people will hide from you, be it friends or family, no one is bound to share every thing they are facing, there is something called privacy and boundaries, and you need to respect that. You can't just jump into helping someone when they didn't even ask you. (She runs her fingers through her hair before moistening her lips) If things go wrong, they will just blame you for their misery, so its better not to help unless they want to be rescued.

Me: So, what should I do then? (I pressed my upper lips against my lower lips as I stared at her face) I cannot just be a bystander when my siblings are facing challenges.

Maria: Let them grow, let them face life. If they ask you, only then grab their hands. (She smiles) Your brothers are older, at least have faith in them.

Me: Do you…..(I hesitated) Do you also hide things from me?

Maria: Maybe. (She grins)

Me: Don't you trust me? (I stared in her eyes, anticipating her reply, as my heart pounded fast)

Maria: I do. (She smiles) But….not everything is to be shared with everyone. Sometimes, you need to deal with things yourself, before you can finally open up.

Me: You know, you don't really need to deal with everything yourself. I can help you. (I smiled)

Maria: pfft. (She laughs softly) look who is lecturing me. Anne, why don't you fix your saviour syndrome and work on yourself first, before helping others? (She says standing up)

Me: Hey! I don't have saviour syndrome, you know. (I frowned feeling offended)

Maria: Right…..even delusion is there. (She sticks out her tongue mockingly) Might as well go for a check-up. (She smirks)

Me: Bitch….(I hissed before pouting)

Maria: hm….what are your plans for the upcoming vacation? (She asks)

Me: I thought of returning home for a while. (I sighed) I realized that I don't even know what Angela is doing nowadays. So thought, I should spend some time with her.

Maria: Want me to accompany you? (She blurted out)

Me: Why? Your family is here, it doesn't makes sense for you to go there. As far as I know, you didn't really had friends in Japan. (I raised my brow)

Maria: (she hesitates) I thought I would meet the team.

Me: Don't lie. You already know that the team has been disbanded and you never really liked anyone beside Hana sis. (I frowned)

Maria: Uhm….I will meet Hana sis?.... (She says while running out of lies)

Me: She is busy. I want you to stay back here and bond with the team while I am gone. (I said finally standing up) I can notice that you aren't putting efforts to understand the other team members.

Maria: Tsk….Whatever. (She says before walking off).

I stood there sighing, I knew that Maria still had a long way to go before she could finally find a place for herself in the football club. But it felt like she didn't wanted to put any efforts. I wanted her to feel belonged, instead, she was still like a duckling who only knows to follow its' mother, and that mother was me in her case.

To be continued....