Regrets

I was not in my right mind as I followed Jordan into his car. And even as he drove me to my motel room, I kept staring into space, unable to recollect or coordinate my thoughts. I had literally lost my mind when I heard what Jordan told me about Daren attempting suicide. I still could not believe my ears. I had been aware of Daren showing some signs of obsession, but I never imagined that it would get so bad to the extent that he would contemplate suicide.

My heart broke as I remembered the last time we had met. Daren had been on his knees and with tears in his eyes, begging me to ignore his mother's wish and give him a chance to fight for us. I had ignored him and walked away, leaving him to my friends to send him off. We had not parted ways on a good note, and it crushed my heart as I thought that that would have been the last time I would have seen Daren if he had succeeded in taking his life. The last time, and my last memory with him would have been the sourest! In our happy days, we had such great times together. I liked him a lot at some point, and I knew how much he loved me. And yet, my last memory of him would have been horrible if he had really died. It made my soul ache, and I wanted to cry out loud, but I held myself together because of the cruel man sitting beside me. If he heard me cry, I was sure that he would probably make fun of me.

I couldn't blame Jordan for being so hard on me after all. This was all my fault! I was the reason why his little nephew had attempted to take his own life. I couldn't blame Jordan for hating me so much. And even though I still didn't understand how him getting married to me would fix anything, I felt too guilty to ask him about that. So I sat in the front seat of his sports car as he drove me to my motel, where I was supposed to pick up my things and return with him to California at once, as he had instructed. I couldn't protest. After he told me about Daren, I had no will left in me to protest whatever he demanded of me. I just did as he said.

The car pulled up in front of the motel, and Jordan had to tap me back to reality before I realized that we had arrived. My eyes were wide open, but I was still out of my mind. I roused awake and hurriedly began to get down from the car.

"Do you want me to come up and help you?" Jordan offered.

"No! No, thank you." I said. "I can handle it. I didn't bring much luggage. It was just a three days trip, I didn't park much." I rambled nervously. Then I turned around and quickly walked away before he could say anything else.

When I got to the room, I hurriedly began to pick my things from all over the room where I had left them lying around when I had been hurriedly getting ready to leave earlier. I picked them up and threw them into my small box which was lying wide open on the narrow bed in the room. When I entered the bathroom to fetch my toiletries, my eyes caught a vision of my image in the bathroom mirror, when I reached up to fetch my toothbrush. As I stared into my reflection, I was suddenly overcome by a nagging feeling of guilt, sadness and regret. Tears filled my eyes and caused my nose to hurt as I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't hold it for long. I finally gave in and bent over and cried. I stayed like that for a long time, bawling, shuddering and panting in agony. I don't know how long I stayed there, but for a moment, I had forgotten all about the man who was waiting for me downstairs.

I was still bawling when I suddenly felt a presence, and I quickly looked up. Jordan was standing by the bathroom door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long." He drawled. "One would think that my nephew was dead already, seeing you like that." He said.

I quickly jumped to my feet and wiped my face with the back of my hands.

"I was... I was just finishing up here. I came to get my toiletries." I stuttered. "I'm done now."

Jordan leaned off the wall and began to walk towards me in slow strides.

"Tell me, pretty. Why are you crying?" He asked, still maintaining his drawl. "Why are you so heart broken and shattered? Why were you bawling as if your life source had just been taken away from you? Is it because you fear that you are about to loose your big chance of joining the Rockshire family, or are you crying because you really love my nephew Daren?" He said as he came to stand in front of me. I looked up at him, I wanted to get annoyed and howl at him for still being so skeptical and accusing me of being a gold digger even at such a critical moment. But I couldn't afford to be angry. Instead, I broke down again as tears flooded down my face.

"Can I see him?" I said, putting my hands together in front of him in sign of a plea.

"What?" Jordan asked. He looked surprised and taken aback.

"Daren. Can I see Daren please? Just once, let me see how he's faring. Please, take me to him. Let me see how he is?" I begged desperately.

Jordan stared into my eyes for a long moment. I couldn't read the expression on his face, but there was something of surprise in his eyes. Then suddenly, he lifted his hands and cupped my face in his big palms. I was startled.

"Did you not hear me the first time?" Jordan said, clenching his teeth. "I told you, I won't have you longing after or crying over another man while you are engaged to me! Not even my nephew. I won't have it!" Then he reached his thumb up my face and wiped the tears. "This should be the last time I see you like this because of another man. If you must ever cry again, let me be the reason for your tears. You get me?" He said. Then without waiting for my response, he let go of my face and began to walk away. He paused halfway out and spoke over his shoulder. "Wipe your face and meet me at the car. Don't keep me waiting again! We have a flight to catch." He said, then he walked away.