Left alone

I stayed awake for the rest of the night. There was no way that I was having a fine night rest after that episode.

A lot of different emotions coursed through my mind, and a hundred new feelings filled my body. I still had not recovered from Jordan's touch, and my body remained sensitive through the night. Everywhere his hands had been, I could still feel it there. My lips were still swollen from his strong kisses, and my center remained wet as the scenes kept replaying in my head. With every replay, the feeling returned as if it were in the moment.

I still couldn't believe that Jordan had touched me as he had. I had never imagined that he would. I kept wondering why he had done it, as I had never thought that Jordan could find me attractive in any way. He only ever looked at me with hate and contempt in his eyes. The only mild feeling he had ever expressed towards me was sarcasm. So, even though my body still burned allover with heat and arousal, the taste of his kiss still lingered on my lips, and the trails of his hands on my body still tingled, I still couldn't believe that I had just been with Jordan, to the extent of almost having sex with him.

I finally dozed off late into the morning, later than usual. It must have been late in the afternoon when I woke up, and immediately my mind was fully awake, memories returned and I was washed in embarrassment allover again. I cringed as the memories haunted me in bits, every moment came with it's own regret.

If there was never a reason why I wanted to avoid Jordan, now I had a very good one. I didn't want to see his face ever again. I was already dying of embarrassment, even though I could not see his face. If I had to look him in the eyes anytime soon, I was sure I would melt.

So I balled myself up at the corner of the bed, pulled the blankets up and sat there for hours.

I didn't know how long I had sat there, before the door suddenly jerked open without a knock. I flinched and nearly jumped out of the bed as the intruder walked in. It was ma Nana.

The old lady stood at the door for a moment, looking at me in wonder. Then she looked behind, to check if someone else was there. I think what surprised her the most was the fact that I did not relax even after I saw her walk in.

"Kallos, are you expecting another someone? Did another someone come here before me?" Ma Nana asked.

"No... No, I wasn't expecting someone else. No one came here." I said hurriedly, stuttering as I shook my head and relaxed back into the bed. Even then, I still felt uneasy, as ma Nana still held the door wide open. I hoped she would close it soon, before Jordan would happen to walk by. If I saw him, I wasn't sure how I would react.

Ma Nana saw the way I kept staring outside the door, and she looked out again.

"Then why you look with so much horror in your eyes? You keep looking out, and your eyes say you are expecting another someone." Ma Nana insisted.

"Ma Nana, I am not expecting anyone else. You should have knocked before you came in! You startled me by barging in unannounced, that's all. And I would appreciate if you stop talking now, I'm already stressed out as it is, your strained English is putting me farther on edge." I snapped. "And could you please close the door already?"

The old lady remained silent, and when I looked up, I saw how much my words had hurt her. She looked at me with sorrowful eyes.

"Ma Nana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." I began to apologize, but she put her hand up.

"Do not worry omorfi. I know you are not a bad person. You do not mean it to hurt me. You must be very really worked up, that is." She spoke slowly, closing the door behind her as I had earlier instructed. I couldn't help but notice that she was speaking slowly, so that she could be more careful with her English. It made me feel horrible.

"Your English is fine ma Nana! You don't need to get any better, I promise. I understand you just fine." I said, sincerely hoping that she would stop trying so hard and making it so obvious. I got on my feet and walked over to her side.

"No, you are right kallos." Ma Nana said, flashing me a wry smile and patting my hands. "My English must improve well now, so I can speak to you clear. I speak better when I speak slow, but if I speak fast, I get excited and speak plenty error." She replied, maintaining her slow speech. This didn't make me feel any better.

"Ma Nana, please!" I begged. "You don't have to learn anymore English, I promise. You speak just enough to communicate clearly. I think I should learn your language instead, so that we can communicate better. You shouldn't be doing anymore of that." I said.

"No kallos, you..." She began to say, but I interrupted her.

"Like this word now. You call me kallos all the time, and I don't know what it means. I have never even bothered to ask for the meaning, to learn it." I said. Ma Nana began to laugh.

"Kallos, it is pronounce as kallos, omorfi." She corrected me.

"That's what I said." I shrugged.

"No, you keep saying it funny. You say it as 'colos', that's how you say." Ma Nana said.

"Kallos." I tried the word again, but ma Nana kept laughing.

"You sound the same." She said.

"Oh please, just tell me what it means." I groaned.

"Kallos, we say it to pretty girls like you. Is like when you say 'beauty' to woman in English." She said.

"Oh." I nodded thoughtfully. "Then, what about the other one? Umm... Oma... Om... Something like that." I asked.

"Omorfi." Ma Nana said, chuckling.

"Yes! That!" I said, shooting my fingers.

"Is one word of a longer saying. 'Ise poli omorfi'. You are very beautiful." Ma Nana said, smiling up at me. "So when I say omorfi, it is expression of the saying. 'Ah! Very beautiful', that means." She explained.

I couldn't help but smile too. Ma Nana sounded so sincere in her translation, the smile in her eyes showing that she really meant every word. I didn't even realize just how much she had been saying to me in those small words. Realizing it now, it warmed my heart so much.

"I think I should learn more greek now. It's a beautiful language. Thank you." I whispered, a catch in my voice.

"My honor, omorfi." Ma Nana smiled.

We looked at each other in silence for a moment, then she began to lead me back to my bed.

"Come, kallos. You sleep for very long, yet you look so tired. As if you will faint any moment." She said as she set me down on the bed.

I did feel very tired, and drowsy too.

"I come here, severally and check on you, but you were still sleeping. You are not sick, are you?" She asked, feeling me up.

But instead of answering her question, I asked her the question that was burning in my mind. It was a far reach, but after I found out the sincere feelings behind ma Nana's words, I wanted to know if Jordan's words held any feeling too. It was a far reach, but I wanted to check anyway. Especially as I still couldn't make sense of what had happened the previous night.

"What about 'June mou'?" I said. "When the boss says that, what does it mean."

Ma Nana looked at me with thoughtful eyes for a moment, then she answered.

"It is a personalization. We like to personalize people we love. June moù is 'my June'." She explained. "People say things like that all the time. Agapi moù, asteri moù, latria moù, koukla moù. My love, my star, my adored, my doll, etcetera. It's all personalization. But not every time they mean it. Many just say it from the lips, and not from their heart." Ma Nana concluded. The last bit sounded like a warning, as if she had guessed why I was asking.

But her warning came too late.

Maybe it was in the way she explained it, or maybe if Jordan had explained it to me himself, I would have seen the lack of sincerity. But because ma Nana sounded so sincere in her explanation, even her warning could not stop me from warming up allover at the thought of Jordan being sincere with those words towards me.

"Did anything happen between you and Annax?" Ma Nana asked me, confirming my speculation that she had guessed.

"No." I said quickly, looking away from her inquisitive gaze.

"You are blushing everywhere, omorfi." Ma Nana insisted.

"Nothing, ma Nana. I promise. Nothing happened." I said.

The old lady watched me quietly.

"This don't look good, I say." She said, shaking her head.

"What?" I asked, looking back at her.

"You. You don't look good. You are blushing like a shy bride here, but when Annax left this morning, he looked angry. He was in foul mood, barking everywhere." Ma Nana said.

"Left? Jordan left? Where did he go to?" I asked.

"His main base, for business." Ma Nana announced. "Annax only come here from time to time to relax. He don't stay long here, he only stay a few days. He have many house around the country and other countries where he stay most of his time."

I went blank.

"When will he be back?" I asked.

"No time exactly. Could take months, or maybe end of year. Depends on when he needs rest from business." Ma Nana replied.

"I thought you said he does business on the island?" I asked.

"Only special partners of Annax come here, not all. This is not main business base." Ma Nana replied, then the thoughtfulness returned to her gaze. "But omorfi, I thought you would be happier." She noted.

Yes! I was supposed to be happier. I was supposed to be thankful that I wouldn't need to see Jordan for a long, long time. I had been trying to avoid him after all.

But I wasn't happy. In fact, I felt terrible, and I didn't even know why.