Behind the scenes - What made him 'him'

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AN:- So the 'Behind the scenes are just gonna be my attempt at fixing or telling some stuff that I kinda left out, honestly you can just skip these parts but read them or just give them a quick peek

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•Behind the scenes after he died•

I've seen and read(red) too much stuff

Well, I always just went 'it's fiction and not real' but dying and finding out Gods exists just puts things into perspective

'If gods are real doesn't that mean everything I watched and read is real?'

'What about Eldritch Gods?'

'What about myths?'

'Are they real too ?'

'Does magic exists!?'

'What about Vampires and werewolves and other things ?'

These are the thoughts that go through my head as I'm talking to this ...'God' who's talking shit about reincarnation and stuff while I'm acting

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•Kind of a present-past thing Flashback •

(Basically he's telling his past to audience like how a narrator does with time pause and him speaking )

If you're thinking how I'm doing this

Thinking different things and keeping a conversation going ?

Well you just pick random skills when working in field where your every action is watched closely

Try working as a deal maker in a business corporation and you can tell when someone is faking stuff

Sure they can tell too, so the only solution is to get better

Watch bunch of psychological shows with full concentration

I suggest Hannibal(series), Elementary(series), The Mentalist, Sherlock Homes and many more

After that you can just go to any random place where you can sit or stay for a long time and observe people and try to figure things out

Like 'where does that person work ?'

'What kind of things happened to make a face like that ?'

You get the point

Now what made me like this ?

Well Aizen may have influenced me too much

I watched anime while I was a kid

I was just searching for interesting things to watch when I found anime

And boy that just opened a new world for me

Sure I watched DBZ and Naruto but on CN so I didn't exactly knew what they were called

It was later that I found out more stuff like that exists

And then I watched, every time I finished my homework or everytime I was free I watched

I liked Bleach, especially with the background music and the cold AF moments

Then I saw Aizen, acting like that

Mf went from nerd to a badass in just one moment and me being a kid thought that was way too cool, then I realized 'I have glasses too so I can be like him'

Sure the idea seemed cool at that time and I had fun

Faking tears when I wanted to get away from ass whooping from parents and running to grandma

Acting like a idiot or a happy-go-lucky kid in school to fool everyone when I was wearing glasses and acting like a totally different person outside with them

Heck some kids from the class didn't even recognize me

And I went 'why not mess with people more?'

So I wore different masks everytime meeting new people

For some I acted like a clam and collected kid,

For others acted like a cry baby, for some as a cheerful guy

Sure I had my fun seeing their expressions when they realized all they saw was a lie

Just switched to different masks after some time

After some time it kinda became a habit to fake things when meeting new people

I did it so unconsciously that I actually forgot I had fake masks and acted as if everything was natural

I had no friends cause even the kids who grew up with me didn't know where I lived, now that's just fucked up

I always acted chumy with everyone, but that was only in school, outside? No one even recognized me

Heck mfs didn't even contact me after leaving middle school

Well kinda my fault but who cares

It wasn't until I was 16 that I realized something was wrong

I wore too many masks

I had too many masks

So many so that I lost my original self

Things suddenly became dull

Sure I had my doubts when I acted out of place for most moments when I was 12 but chose to ignore it and the result ?

Me at 16 dead inside trying to find my true self

I didn't feel anything

I faked emotions too

So much so that I couldn't even cry when someone close to me died

I just... had that blank look on my face as if trying to find the right expressions for the situation

I always looked in the mirror and made different expressions every morning like adjusting a mask

Somedays I acted cheerful, others I acted quite like a introvert

Now imagine my surprise when I actually felt sad for first time after almost 2 years while watching anime

Hotarubi no Mori E hit harder than I thought And the fucking song just made me break into tears

(AN:- You can be King again from 9 years ago)

And it was just a trip to sadland after that

Kept finding more and more heart breaking anime and I cried ...a lot

Kimi no Nawa, I want to eat your pancreas, your lie in April, a silent voice

Those just hit right where it hurts

Sure it hurts but I also felt alive for feeling something after a long time

But then I realized being too emotional can also backfire

I felt too many things and emotions kinda got amplified after suppressing them after all this time

I cried easy, I got angry easily and I....fell in love easily

Well almost fell in love, sure I spent my time with her, we laughed, we talked....it was nice

But after a while she just broke the news that she was suddenly engaged cause some guy's family helped her family out and as a deal for her hand in return

I mean it wasn't anything romantic time we spent together, just hanged out for a while, it was my mistake, I got too close thinking things will be fine while she treated me as a friend

Like I said 'almost'

I was on the verge to the road of no return, good thing I held on

But that momentary heart break just put me back where I was all those years ago but with a little change

I kept the masks and changed them at will, the only difference, I didn't lose myself in the process

Sure it was difficult, switching personalities on whim

But I did it

Everyday I looked in the mirror and stared at it for a while before beginning my day

And it worked

Now I could keep the masks and switch them naturally without anyone realizing anything wrong

The emotions were still amplified alright and now imagine what happens when I get depressed ?

Me on the edge of the building just siting there while watching everyone

'What happens when I jump?'

'Will anyone even care?'

'What about my family?'

'Will they get sad ?'

'Will anyone come to my funeral?'

Intrusive thoughts like this just kinda got amplified to the point where I actually tried to off myself but barely stopped

So as the result to try to calm them,a knife to throat ever night before sleeping to clam down, weird I know but it worked

I knew I needed a anchor to hold my emotions down

Sure I watched anime and I analysed the shit out of them

Like how their powers work or how to apply them more effectively and efficiently

How the politics worked in them

Sure it's fiction but it did have some logic....well most of them did

Not like those fucking weebs who memorized even the pubes of that character

Like why the fuck would I care about some fictional characters birthday ?

Do you even remember your parent's birthdays ?

(AN:-You can skip this part cause this just some random preaching)

There is a reason why society kinda shunned them

When was the last time you actually tried something and not like nobel award winning shit, just normal stuff like going out, hanging out with friends, running or just walking around the town enjoying the breeze

Sure not everyone's having it that bad but still for those who do, atleast try going out

Trust me it gets worse

I spent 3 years in my house doing absolutely nothing and almost went insane ....I think I still am but that's not the point

The point it is it will get worse and worse to the point that even taking a step outside will give you a panic attack

Good thing I subconsciously knew what will happen, so I started going out more, didn't just talk with someone or something just strolled around randomly, went on random adventures and hikes once in a while

That didn't exactly cure depression but it helped

-Back to the story of the flashback-

Like I said I analysed everything

How some particular powers worked, the principles or mechanics behind them, their advantages and weaknesses

But that wasn't enough

So what was the best option after that

Novels

A lot of novels

And I read, for almost 3 years,the same 3 years that I kinda locked myself in my house resulting in me becoming a introvert

But I got bored, after some point the plot just kept repeating itself...sure I found some legendary stuff and good ones, but the frequency of finding them got less and less

So had to read more stuff and I found fanfics good stuff too

And I learned a lot of stuff that I didn't knew before

Sure they were just theories or ideas of what the writers thought but hey whatever keeps me sane works right ?

Again back to the topic as to how I'm keeping my thoughts and actions separate

Well....if I had to put it in simpler terms, it will be something like a Watered down version of Parallel Mind

I called it Watered down cause I can't exactly think 2 separate things at the same time but I can divide them between Auto and Manual Mind....kind of

Auto Mind means I don't think about the stuff I'm doing, it's like how you automatically know that 1+1=2, you don't think just do it

It kinda works like that

I mostly used auto mode for everything from daily interactions to walking, eating and working

It's kinda like a preprogrammed process

Every action is on reflex avoiding corners, dodging stuff and all that

Unless the situation calls for it it's in auto mode

In Manual mode I think....about everything

Every small action, breathing patterns, unconscious actions taken by others, calculating everything in my mind

My thinking process becomes fast that I can't even talk properly

I read(red) this some while ago that some scientists or some doctors have bad handwriting or stutter while talking

That's cause their body can't keep up with their minds

The same with me but on a smaller scale

The words I want to say are already long gone before I can say them

As a result I stutter most of the time

So to avoid that I go through various scenarios in my mind again and again and again and again until I'm sure I won't make any mistakes

•Few minutes before he died •

(AN:-He's narrating and thinking at the same time and putting '' can get confusing...well not like it's gonna make it any better)

And now I'm walking down the road going home after a long tiring day ....not exactly but it was a annoying day

So walking down the road....but something is different

People are avoiding me

That's definitely weird

I'm the one who dodges people who are about to crash shoulders while walking

It's like a reflex

I almost have a close to zero presence

Well I found ninjas cool so made a habit of walking quietly without making a sound and it became a habit and good one to jumpscare someone

But now people are giving me space to walk, sure if it was any normal day I would've just shrugged and continued but this is definitely weird

Everyone was acting a little chumy at work too

Even the Baldy James and that guy hates me to the core almost like I stole his wife or something....I might have actually.....anyways

This is weird

And now that I look around....

Why the heck am I in a complete opposite direction of my house ?

Even if I'm in auto mode this shouldn't be possible

It's almost as if someone ....controlled my unconscious ...actions.....Fuck! Someone did it like putting a suggestion in my mind and something as a trigger

I knew it ! I knew something was wrong with that baldy today

Now that I think about it He did repeatedly try to tell something about a new Cafe in this area and me being hungry and thinking about cold coffee was probably a trigger ?

•At this time ROB paid the Fate Reader to change his daily path to stage the accident •

Now that I know about it ....do I go there

Hmmmmm.....

Might be something interesting let's go and take a lo-

*Sounds of people screaming and tire screeching/braking sound with horns*

Is that a truck ?

Do I dodge it or just see what anime bs I'll go through .....Yeah right ain't gonna happen

And I dodge the truck ....

What the fuck?

Did the Baldy seriously plan this ?

Oh I'm about to enjoy what I'll do to that slimy egg tomorrow

°Time rewinds and he's back in the place from where he jumped °

Wait why am I here again didn't I just dodge it ?

And why can't I move ?

I think before looking at what looks like a lady in black coat looking at me with anticipation

Like she's waiting for me get hit

And then something clicked like a blurry image getting clear

And I smirk a little while hiding my face

Waiting to die by it

I'm gonna enjoy this ~

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•Which Brings us to the moment he's been talking to the Light Thing•

So the question is can this God tell what I am thinking let's act different and think different

I ask about the draw/roulette while thinking

'You are dead ' on repeat

And the God just ignores it

Even if it can hear me it's just gonna ignore it

So don't know of I can fool em or not

Now let's see what power or cheat I can get

Let's just hope it's not a system

The fate of system holders is always and I repeat always bad

It just forces them to get stronger one way or another

Ok it's spinning and is dangerously getting close to system section

Comeon just a little bit, just a little.....and yes!

It landed on powers section

Let's see which power

-Saitama's physique

.....I mean it works ?

But there's a loophole right there

It just says physique but didn't specify which

If they just want to fuck around with me they'll just give me the body/power he had before training

But his powers were never anything related to being Invincible or something

They're just Growth and Adaptability on a insane scale

So that's solved, will work on that later

Now let's see what world I'm going to

-Marvel (MCU+ Comics)

Okay....that could've been worse

Imagine getting dropped into some random world with zero knowledge about that world

I mean I know I read and watched too many anime and series but I don't know anything related to games .....

I mean I know the mainstream ones but not others

Basically I know the plot or lore of some but don't know much

At least I know the plot of MCU

Comics are debatable cause I only know bits and pieces from reels and short videos

So fingers crossed on this one

Welp will figure something out

•When light hugged him•

But why the heck is the so called God hugging me ?

Hmmm.....I feel something weird

Like I've been locked or something

It almost feels like I've been shac..kled.....

Wait did she just !?

I knew something was wrong !!

Motherf*ckers just you wait

Imma kill everyone oneof y-

•Light suddenly kissed him•

....okay apologies accepted

But still won't forget this

I look at her for a bit before she tossed me in

....Bitch you for real?

That's it imma spank you next time I see you

And I close my eyes only to open? No wait I can't open them

So I'm a fetus?

Can only feel warm and comfy

Oh and the things I said about spanking and all

Well....

I lied

I'm gonna kill everyone of them....for no reason

That is until they give me a reason to justify that

.....To be continued