Chapter 1

SHE SAT ON the windowsill, staring at the blanket of black and gray covering the sky that mercilessly pelted her glass window with heavy rain droplets. She mulled over the raging storm brewing inside her heart for so long since she lost him, which made the thunder outside seem pale in comparison. Her midnight-black hair flowed over her shoulders as the silhouette of her shapely figure showed against the dimming sky, in her dark room. She heaved a tired sigh, lightly batting her perfect lashes. Emily Lockwood was a real beauty at her age, but the ghosts of her past mentally tormented her. Trivial things caused her to fluster, as though she lost herself somewhere. Emily’s train of thoughts was interrupted when she heard the door creak downstairs, indicating the arrival of her mother, the only person left for her to consider as a family.

"Emily! Come downstairs, I got some news for you", her mom called.

Claire Lockwood, Emily's mother, was a tall, elegant lady with defined features and shimmering blue eyes. Few blonde stray curls escaped the low bun her hair was tied in, framing her face as she unwrapped the woolen scarf around her neck.

Emily went to her mother’s study, tapping twice on the ajar door when she saw her mother talking to someone on a call with her phone nestled between her ear and shoulder as she scanned through some documents. With the gesture of her mother beckoning her to come inside, Emily sauntered inside and patiently waited for her mother to be done with her call.

“Yes, this will be the last case that I will be dealing with at Serenity hospital. I will be ready to shift to Minnesota in four days approximately and by that time I will be done with that patient’s treatment. Of course, I will let you know the further details.” Ending the call, Claire turned around to face Emily, pulling her in an embrace. “Hey sweetheart”

''Hey Mom", Emily greeted her mother, hugging her back. “We’ll really be leaving in four days?” Emily questioned the last bit of information she overheard from the phone call.

''Yes sweetheart, we will be shifting in four days. You know I have stalled our shifting for almost four months since my marriage, because I had some pending appointments, and you were not ready to leave this place. Your father has patiently waited all this time, and I don’t think it is fair to make him wait any further. We must move, Emily, we must start somewhere new where you can let go of that baggage of the past that is burdening you. Also, I got a wonderful job offer at Cleveland hospital. Claire said getting straight to the point,

"Mom, can you please stop forcing Mr. Stephan to be my father? He is my stepfather and that is all he will ever be. No one can replace my dad. I’ll appreciate it if you keep this request of mine in your mind as of this moment." Emily stared blankly at her mother folding her arms across her chest. “And the past that you’re calling a baggage are memories of my father, which will never be a burden to me.”

''But-" Claire started, but Emily cut her off,

"Mom please, can you not make it any more difficult for me than it already is? I am happy that you found someone who makes you happy. I am reassured that you are not in a depressed state that you were in for the past two years since dad died, but please do not impose your husband to be my father. I cannot accept that because I cannot give such a treasured position, which only belongs to my father, to a random stranger that you decided to fall in love with. Why do we always have to argue over this? Can’t you please try and understand me for once?” Emily gritted out.

"Alright, I’ll remember this and there’ll be no more arguments over this topic anymore. I’m no one to impose something on you which is against your liking." Claire nodded, taking Emily’s hand, tapping it gently with her own. “Now that this discussion is over, I want you to start packing your belongings, so that nothing gets left behind.”

“Can’t I just stay in this house? I will be eighteen this year which technically makes me an adult. It will just be like an early moving out with the difference being that you will be moving out while I stay back here.” Emily pleaded, gently grabbing her mother’s shoulders.

“Emily I honestly don’t have time or energy for these kinds of jokes, and if you’re being serious, then we don’t have anything more to discuss on this topic because my answer would still be a no, no matter how many times you bring this up.” Claire huffed, removing Emily’s hands.

“Why don’t you even consider it even for a moment Mom? Why can’t I stay back? You can just easily move on with your life and you will not even have to look back at your past if I am not with you. You will not be reminded of anything if I am not around, and I will get to relive all the moments I spent with dad. Mr. Stephan will be more than happy with this arrangement because he will be relieved to not have me live with you guys. He already hates my guts and considers me a pain in his existence.” Emily bitterly spoke.

“George does not hate you; he is just a reserved man and with time everything will be okay between you both. And, how can you even say that about me leaving you? You think if I leave you behind, I will be happy and at peace? You are my daughter Emily! I love you and care about you more than anyone else. You want me to leave you here all alone, so that I get to experience the repeat of that incident of yours last year? You do not even agree on seeing a shrink for that and you consider yourself an adult that can maturely handle herself alone? Please, Emily, no more discussion on this topic and I mean it. Both of us are shifting in four days and that is final.” Claire raised her voice as she exasperatedly spoke.

“How can you even mention that incident? I told you it was just an accident. I did not mean for things to turn out that way. It happened because I was not in the right state of mind to think clearly about anything. I thought you understood me, but clearly, you did not. You never do.”

Emily lowly spoke as she spun on her heels and hastily ran towards her room without saying or hearing anything more from her mother. She just could not tolerate anyone taking her father's place. Why can't her mom see that Mr. Stephan clearly did not even like Emily? It would all be sorted if she were to stay back. And how can her mother mention her therapy when she knew what it did to her?

Mr. Stephan was nothing like him, her father. Emily thought about him, about his death, about his blood-smeared face as the images of that horrible night flowed through her mind. Her vision blurred because of the tears that brimmed in her eyes. She thought about her mother who seemed to have died with him. Her mother who never smiled after his death, her mother who forgot to live after him. Her mother's second marriage to Mr. Stephan somehow seemed to have given her another chance in life with her lost smile finally finding its way back to her face after her marriage. Emily knew that she could not afford to lose both her parents. She had to try for her mother, for her happiness, she just had to try — even if it meant living with a person trying to take her father's place. She wiped her tears as she started packing her clothes and books. Flipping through one of the books, a Polaroid of her father holding her five-year-old self slipped from one of the pages. She could feel the warmth from the smile of her father who stared back at her. She turned over the photograph to see the neat cursive handwriting of her father,

No Guilt can be bigger than your will to live

May 14, 1996

At that time Emily did not know what her father meant by that. She just took that as another one of her father’s quotes that he wrote on the back the Polaroids, a stack of which he left in Emily’s possession. If only she knew what it meant back then, she could have prevented the tragedies that were to unravel in future.

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