I was very nervous waiting under the clock tower in the city square.
How did it come to this?
I checked the time on my phone and it was one thirty in the afternoon.
Did I come here too early? Would this make me look too keen?
I really didn't know.
It's not that I'm not used to hanging out with friends. I've always had friends, not many, but there were always a few in class that I am on talking terms with. In middle school, there were two girls that I was actually quite close to, and we used to go over to each other's house to watch movies together and stuff, as well as cram for exams.
Then there is Juno, and my brother Kristo. Neither of them ever treated me like a girl and we used to do lots of things together when we were young. We went exploring into deep forests to look for some obscure bugs, played football on the dirt-covered school playground, and of course, a lot of video games. As we grew up I became less and less sporty and shied away from outdoor activities, but we still played games together a lot online.
"Hi, Nanaka"
I got yanked out of my train of thoughts as someone called out to me
"er..?"
"It's me, Tasha"
"Oh, hi"
I was terrible at remembering people's names and faces, and when I did remember that I found it hard to match them. It was extra hard because I'd only seen my classmates wearing school uniforms so to see them outside of school wearing casual clothes and different hairstyles made it very difficult for me to recognize them. Anyways, so this is Tasha. I'll have to remember her name well now.
"Are you the first one here? Did anybody else come yet?"
"Er, no. I... I got the time wrong and ended up coming early. Silly me."
That was a lie. I was so paranoid about being late that I arrived half an hour early at the meeting point.
"er… you are early too?"
"Yeah I had lunch with my mom nearby and we finished early. She dropped me off here and drove back home"
"Right"
"It's like the first time we get to talk right?"
"Yes.. nice to.. meet you?"
"haha. We've been in the same class for a month now and you say that"
"Sorry"
"Nah, nice to meet you too. You always seemed a bit hard to approach in school but seeing you outside like this is pretty cool"
"Thank you"
"So you and Mina are good friends? I was a bit surprised when she said you will be coming today too"
"Er… yeah"
"But I hardly saw you guys hang out together in school"
I was about to say Mina came over to my place once but wasn't sure if that's something she'd like to let other girls in the class know.
"We chit chat and had lunch together a few times. You know she's always friendly with everyone"
"That girl certainly is!"
"Yeah"
Man, what do I say now? If I keep talking about Mina it would make it look like I don't have any other friends except her, but if I stop now this conversation will just hang in the air, and each second ticking by will make me more and more nervous.
"Hey, Tasha--!"
I saw a girl running across the square waving at us – who was she again…? Man, I'm really bad with this.
"Hey Mara!", Tasha replied waving her hand too.
Ah, I know this girl. She sits a few seat in front of me. Let me try to be friendly.
"Hi Mara", Yes. I said it first.
"Oh hi Nanaka"
"Nana, please"
"Ok, hi Nana"
:giggles:
"What's up?"
"You were so brutal the other day with Juno"
Ah, that's right. Juno and I don't exactly hang out in class but it's not like we pretend we don't know each other. We were playing dodgeball in the sports class and Juno being Juno, kept on targeting me. But although he was pretty decent at football, he totally sucked when it comes to throwing a ball. So once I managed to get hold of the ball, I proceeded with my revenge and landed three or four full-force smacks on his face, which everyone thought was hilarious. Juno too actually, he's a good sport.
"Yeah that was ruthless", Tasha chimed in.
"Gees, we were just messing about"
"I heard you guys have known each other for like forever?"
"Yeah. We went to the same elementary school and he's also a good friend of my brother"
"Oh, you have a brother?"
"Yes twin brother, but he goes to another school"
"I see"
Just as I was trying to come up with something more to say – I found it increasingly hard because now there were more than two people – Tasha and Mara started talking to each other about one thing or another. I was trying to keep track of the conversation but soon gave up as they were bitching about some other girls in the class and I didn't want to get involved in that.
"Sorry to make you wait"
Mina finally turned up wearing a very feminine floral dress, which made her look mature and cute at the same time. She was dressed like totally differently from when she came over to my place a few weeks ago.
"Hi, Mina", we all greeted her at the same time.
"So shall we go straight to the cinema now?". Mina asked us straight away.
Tasha pulled out her phone from her handbag and checked the time.
"Yeah let's go. I wanna get some popcorn and fizzy drinks"
"Yay. Let's get caramel", Mara said cheerfully.
"No, I want a salty one", Tasha had a different taste.
"er… we can all get our own?", Nana to the rescue.
"No", they both answered at the same time.
"Huh?"
"It's more fun to share the gallon size"
I don't know how sharing a one-gallon size is different or more fun than getting two flavors of equal amounts, but I wasn't gonna argue.
The movie itself was okay. A typical rom-com that revolved around the main male character being dense as hell and the female lead being cancer-inducingly hesitant. Plenty of misunderstandings between them, which somehow all got resolved in the last 10 minutes of the movie, and then it was all a happy ending.
"That was really fun wasn't it?", Mina said cheerfully. I thought somehow she looked more cheerful around these friends than when she was with me.
"Yeah, it was! I was like dying at the elevator scene", Mara replied.
"Damn right! That was hilarious"
As Mara and Tasha were talking about what scenes they liked, Mina looked over at me and asked.
"How about you Nana? Did you like it?"
I was about to say I'm actually more of an action/thriller movie fan but thought better of it.
"Yes, it was great"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it"
Am I imagining things? Although I thought just before that Mina looked more cheerful when talking to Mara and Tasha, at the same time I felt like Mina was giving me a kind of smile that she doesn't give to them.
"Let's go to that desert café now. I'm so hungry"
"Mara, you are always hungry", Tasha pointed out with a giggle and then asked me,
"How about you Nanaka? Are you coming?"
Why is she asking me? If we are in a group I guess it means we are all going together? Isn't singling me out like telling me to read the room and go home?
"er… sorry, I have to go help my mum with something", I ain't gonna stay beyond my welcome.
"Aw… that's TOO bad", Tasha made a sad face and immediately turned to Mara to continue talking about some random stuff I had no interest in.
"Nana, are you okay?"
Mina asked me, gently putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to do something at home"
"Ok then. I'll text you later"
"Right. Er… have fun guys"
"Thanks!", what is Tasha thanking me for? For going home?
Man, this is why I don't like hanging out with people that I don't know very well. All these paranoid thoughts and insecurities fill my head and I just don't know how to deal with them. I'm gonna go home, take a nice hot bath, and play games till I sleep. Oh well.
As I said my byes and walked away, I turned my head to glance at them once before I disappear into the crowd. I don't know why, but I expected to meet eyes with Mina then.
She didn't look my way though.