The night before

:Ding:

Must be Mina. I always felt happy when I receive a message from her.

"Are you free now?"

"Yeah, what's up"

"I'm on my way home from practice. Can I drop by your house?"

What do you mean drop by, her home is like in a totally different direction. I guess it meant she had something she wanted to talk about with me.

"Sure, when will you come?"

"I'm on that playground now"

Well, that was unexpected.

I hurried to the door to leave the house, but just as I was going out I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror by the front door.

This feels somewhat unpresentable.

I ran back to my room and changed my tracksuit bottom to short jeans, a new clean t-shirt, and wore a baseball cap to hide the big mess that was my hair.

"Hi ya", I greeted Mina trying to look as casual as possible. In truth I was so happy that she came to see me, especially considering that tomorrow was her big day.

"Hi, sorry to call you out with such short notice"

"How you've been?"

"Busy"

"Yeah I get that"

"Sorry I haven't been able to hang out with you much these days"

"I've missed you, but it's okay", I beamed her a smile. Everything was okay now.

"Thanks"

We swung back and forth a bit on the swing. I had so many things I wanted to talk about with her but suddenly I didn't know what to say. Well, let's go with something safe,

"So, tomorrow's the big day, eh?"

"Yeah"

"Are you nervous?"

"A little"

"Let me think -. You should be getting good rest tonight yet you came all the way here to see me, something's bothering you?"

"I wouldn't say bothered, but just wanted to see you before tomorrow"

"Are you that nervous?"

"Not so much about performing anymore, but there's this other thing.."

"Shoot. I'm all ears"

Mina looked up to the sky and seemed to formulate how she was going to say it.

"I will confess to him tomorrow"

"What?!"

"Yeah.."

"Why all of sudden?"

"Is it a bad thing?"

"No no, sorry, that's not what I meant... It's just that you have not talked about him for so long now so it all feels a bit sudden. Did anything happen?"

"Hm.. how do I say this... it's been dragging on for years and tomorrow just feels like the right day to do something about it"

For years… so she's been like that through all those years...

"I don't exactly know what happened, but good luck"

"Did Juno say anything to you?"

"No, but I found out he was also at the regional finals of the music competition, so figured maybe that's when you first met him"

"I see"

"Do you mind telling me what happened?"

"It's a bit embarrassing"

"It's okay then"

"No… I wanted to tell you. That's why I came today"

"Take your time then"

"You see… like I said, I was very weak back then. It was when I was in year 6 so I was 12. This was gonna be the last competition I attend as an elementary school kid and if I won it I would have gotten a recommendation to go to specialist music school"

I just sat there and listened to her tell me the story that I more or less expected although I did not imagine the full details before.

"I was in the practice room before my turn and there were a few other kids there. I think maybe there were like five before me. I was going to sing, but some kids were there to play flute, piano, violin…"

"So yes, the violin"

"Yeah.."

"And what happened? It was just like that?"

"I was getting so nervous and started to feel dizzy, and eventually collapsed. My memory of it is hazy but I remember this boy ran up to me and asked me if I was okay, if I needed anything"

"Right"

"I was being selfish. I told him I wanted to get some fresh air. He tried to help me get up but my legs were giving out. And he carried me to outside the concert hall and sat me on a bench"

Yeah, Juno was already pretty big and strong for his age around that time.

"But that wasn't the end. He got a wet towel for me to wipe my face and stayed with me till I got better. Then he helped me walk back to the concert hall just in time for my turn"

"That was very nice of him"

"Yes… I went immediately to the stage and gave my best, but I think my voice was a bit shaky, and didn't do as well as I could, so I ended up getting the second prize. My mom was disappointed because everyone thought I would win, but she was nice about it and comforted me"

"Your mom's very nice too"

"She is.. and then as I was leaving the hall I saw the boy that helped me before near the gate. I wanted to go over and thank him but realized he was getting shouted at by his mom"

Yeah, Juno's mom can be a bit fiery.

"I don't remember the exact words but I knew he was getting scolded for missing his turn to perform. It was probably as important to him as it was to me. Maybe music school future was on the line for him as well"

I doubted Juno was aiming for that considering how much he liked other things like football and I never knew this interest of his until recently, but I do remember him having a pretty hard time with his mom in the first year of middle school.

"I felt really sorry because he was just trying to help me. But I was so scared of his mom and couldn't approach them, and felt like I shouldn't butt in. Although he went out of his way to help me.. and then he noticed I was leaving the hall and our eyes met. He gave me such a kind smile that seemed to say 'I'm glad you are okay'. Then my mom rushed me out and that was the last I saw him.. till this year that is"

"I see… that's how it started"

"But I realized I'm very selfish.. all these years, I didn't actually regret that I caused him a problem"

"Oh?"

"What I regret the most is that I didn't get to hear him play the violin. I would have if I didn't faint as he would have gone on to perform before me. I always wondered how the music played by someone so kind would sound"

I could imagine how it must have been for her. From what I've seen from her so far she is very sincere, both in her kindness and in her grudge and regret. She must have felt grateful and guilty at the same time, longing to see him but feeling like she has no right to see him. Considering she went to an all-girls middle school these feelings were probably amplified over the years inside the echo chamber of her heart, with no other boy of interest to take over the empty space.

"Sorry for blabbering on.. I just had to get it out…"

I stood up from the swing and bent down slightly to embrace her petite frame with my arms.

"It's okay. It must have been hard.. and a shock to see him again in the class this year"

"It was…"

There was a brief moment where it felt like she was going to shed a tear or two, but she pulled back and recomposed herself.

"I don't think he got to hear me sing that time either. He was probably somewhere getting scolded by his mom. So tomorrow… I want to listen to him play the violin again and I want him to listen to me sing again. After that, I would like to tell him how I feel"

"You go, girl. You have my full support"

"Thank you, Nana"

I felt exhausted after returning to my room. I was so tense listening to her story and now I was laying on my bed feeling restless, a thousand thoughts flying around in my head but none of them were comprehensible.

I hope it all goes well for her tomorrow.

Juno, you better not disappoint her.