End of semester

After the talent show, things went back to normal, if it was normal.

It was just like after she had that misunderstanding with Juno at the cinema. Mina avoided me completely and this time around I knew what it was like so I didn't even bother torturing myself about it. I made no effort to contact her, and I made no effort to approach her again. I just felt numb to the core of my body and felt like I became a walking zombie.

What is this feeling? Or rather… what is this lack of feeling?

When things went wrong before I was hurt. I could feel the real pang in my heart. It hurt to think about her and it hurt to look at her. But now when I gazed at her from across the classroom I felt like she was somewhere in my distant daydream.

I was alone again, and it was okay. Juno bothered me for a while trying to probe what happened but I had nothing to say to him. He then figured I must be brooding over something and just left me alone as he does in these situations.

Will I ever reconcile with Mina again?

But isn't this really unfair?

I had nothing to do with what happened before, and I had nothing to do with that Juno bastard. I'm me, Nana, your friend – I'm not Juno, why are you avoiding me?

What wrong did I do to you? I was there trying to support you, but why did things have to turn out this way?

Every day was gloomy and lacked meaning and purpose. We were nearing the summer break and the end of the semester exam came and went. I failed hard and was forced to attend supplementary classes all summer.

Welp, there goes my first summer of high school life. It didn't matter to me anyway. Not like I had any plans to have fun…

Then suddenly I got the message in the evening of the last day of school before the break.

"Are you free now?"

It was Mina.

"Why"

"I was just walking past your home"

Pfft. As if.

"What gives?"

"Could you come down for a bit if it's okay?"

"What for"

"I want to talk to you"

I thought about just ignoring her then, but I had to be honest with myself, I did want to see her again. It will be the first time we talk since that ill-fated talent show day.

"Gimme a minute"

I just sluggishly dragged myself out of my room to leave the house. I saw my reflection in the mirror, I looked like a mess, but I didn't care anymore.

"Over here!"

When I got out of the apartment building and walked towards the playground, I saw Mina standing on the top of the platform where the slide tunnel started.

"What are you doing up there?"

"Come!"

I don't know what she's thinking, but I zombie-ed my way to the slide.

"Don't come up!"

"But you asked me to come? You want me to come or not?"

"Come, but don't come up"

"What you want me to do?"

"Go stand by the end of the slide tunnel"

"What for?"

"Please….?"

:Sigh:

"Ok, I'm here"

"Kneel down in front of the slide"

"What are you up to?"

"Please…?"

Well, whatever. I did as she told me to do.

"Now close your eyes"

"Ok"

"You ready?"

"Ok"

Then I heard a bit of noise and something soft and fluffy crashed into me.

"Whaa-?"

When I opened my eyes I saw a big teddy bear giving me a hug.

"Er… is that you?"

"I'm behind, help – I think I'm stuck"

That made me laugh. Mina slid down holding the big stuffed bear and moved its arms to hug me, and the bear was so big and she was so small I did not see her behind the bear. And now she was stuck in the tunnel with her way blocked with the bear.

"I'm thinking if I should just leave you like this"

"Not fair! Are you gonna abandon the bear?"

"You abandoned me though"

That just came out of nowhere and I instantly regretted saying it.

Mina was silent and wasn't saying anything. All I saw was the big face of the poor bear.

:Sigh:

"Right here you go"

I pulled the bear out and Mina got out of the slide.

"Thanks", Mina was fidgeting and pouting.

"So what's going on?"

"I wanted to come to apologize. I know I haven't been right to you for the past months. I didn't mean to be so mean"

"You were not mean. You just ignored me the whole time"

"Isn't that mean?"

"It would be mean if you did that to your friend"

"Are we not friends…?"

I didn't know what to say, so I just picked up the big bear and gave it a hug.

"So what's up with the bear?"

"I wanted to give this to you"

"You dragged it all the way here?"

"Yeah it was hard"

"Pfft"

"Hey, why are you laughing?"

"Oh sorry, I just imagined you carrying this massive bear and walking on the street"

"Heh, I guess I must have looked stupid"

"Yes, very stupid"

Then I gave the bear a tighter squeeze.

"Are you just gonna stand there and hug the bear?"

"I guess I will bring it home. Thank you"

"So… can we talk now?"

"Right, let's put this kid on the bench and sit on the swing"

We walked over to the swing and sat there as we always did.

"Can I ask you something?"

I told myself I don't care anymore, but there were things I couldn't help but ask.

"Sure."

"Why were you avoiding me?"

"I'm sorry"

"What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Then why…?"

Mina didn't reply and just looked down to her toes.

"I don't know"

"So just like that? No reason?"

"Sorry, I was being selfish again… why am I always so selfish.."

"You surely are"

"Sorry"

"And like a child. Always throwing tantrum"

"Sorry"

"And cruel. Cold and cruel"

"That bad?"

"Yeah, and…"

"and what?"

"-cute"

Again, that just came out of my mouth unintentionally. But it made her laugh and the mood between us got a bit better.

"Sorry Nana, I want to make it up to you"

"Right"

"I know you will be busy with the supplementary classes over the summer. I'm going to a study camp as well. I don't think we can see each other for a while"

"Is that so"

"So you can take this bear and think of it as me. You can hit it when you are angry, hug it when you want to hug it, talk to it if you want to talk"

"I see now"

"Nana"

"Hm?"

"I missed you"

"Me too"

This time it was Mina who got up first and hugged me. It was always me doing this every time we had our chat on these swings.

"I'll get going now"

"Should I walk you back?"

"I'll be fine"

"Ok, have a nice summer"

"You too. See you in the new semester"

Then I brought the bear back to my room, flopped it onto my bed, and hugged it tightly till I fell asleep.