Out

I stayed out for way longer with Yuna than I intended, and ended up coming home at a little after three in the morning. It was my first time really drinking alcohol, and while I didn't feel sick or tipsy, it kinda put me in a talkative and light-hearted mood that I hadn't felt before - or was it just too long ago that I had such feelings that this felt like the first time?

I quietly opened the door of our flat and slowly closed it so it wouldn't slam and make a sound. I didn't want to wake Shu or Sayna up. It was dark and I just slowly made my way to the couch. It was too late and I couldn't be bothered to take a shower at this time, so I was just gonna crash to sleep. Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes, and all that. 

When my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I got close to the couch though, I saw Shu and Sayna were both sitting on it. Comically, both of them sat on each corner of the couch in the exact same position, with their legs bent and soles up on the couch, hugging the knees. But I quickly came back to my senses, there was nothing comical about this. They weren't happy, for whatever reason. 

"Uh-, I'm back. Are you guys alright?"

No answer.

"Did you guys have a fight?"

No answer. 

"Anything happened?"

"You said you were just going out for a bit", Shu spoke with obvious resentment in his voice. 

"Right, but you didn't have to wait for me"

"We were worried"

Both of them spoke at the same time.

"I'm sorry guys, but we all need some time off sometimes, right?"

"Oh, so you need 'time off' from us? Does it feel like a job to you living with us?"

"Shu-, you are twisting my words there. What's wrong with you?"

"Why didn't you tell us where you were going? Why didn't you say you would come back so late?", Shu continued his inquisition yet Sayna remained silent all the way through. 

"I was just meeting a friend. What, I'm not allowed to do that?"

"A friend? You don't have a friend, Boh. Don't lie"

"I get along with my classmates just fine"

"So you were out with someone from your class? Why don't you say who it was? Sayna would know"

Sayna was still quiet but looked at me with suspicions in her eyes. 

"It's a new friend"

"A new friend. Where did you meet him? When?", Shu continued to probe. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?", I started to get a little irritated. 

I had a very good night. For the first time in so long. I really could do without this nonsense now. I just wanted to sleep. 

"Because you are LYING, Boh. It would have been more believable if you said you were out jogging for six or seven hours"

"Come on, I even prepared dinner for you guys to eat before I went out. Why are you being like this to me?"

"Liar", Sayna finally spoke, but just this single word and went quiet again. 

"Look, I swear. I was out with a friend. We had a good time, and time just flew. I'm sorry if I made you guys worried"

I sat between Shu and Sayna on the couch. Sayna curled up a little more into her corner to get away from me, even just for an inch or two. 

"Ok, Shu. I'm sorry. Let's have a nice dinner tomorrow or something, alright?"

"Wait-, you have been smoking? And DRINKING?"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have smoked. I know you don't like the smell. I'm sorry"

"What's wrong with you?! Your smell makes me sick! And how could you drink? I ABSOLUTELY hate people that drink"

Right. Shu doesn't like that at all…

"So right, Boh, then. Why don't you tell us what you've REALLY been up to? Are you hanging out with some delinquents now? Are you falling back to your old ways?!"

"Shu! Cut it out. I just met up with a friend and that's all"

"So what friend then? Are you gonna keep lying? Come on, Sayna would know who it is if you said his name. Boh, I was first just worried about you. But now I feel like you are getting into something you shouldn't. You are suddenly doing all the things I hate. Behind my back too"

"For fuck's sake! I just met her like a few days ago, OK?! She's a new friend, that's why neither you nor Sayna would know about her. And who do you think you are? I can go do whatever the fuck I want without your approval!"

I shouted and Shu went all quiet. Sayna got up and walked back to her room, never looking back.

"Shu-, sorry, I'm sorry I shouted, OK?"

I didn't think I did anything wrong, but I knew I shouldn't have shouted at Shu like that. I felt bad that I screamed at him so I apologized. Come on, I'm being this considerate, Shu. 

"…so… it was a girl?"

"It was. So what?"

"You… started dating her?"

"Oh come on man, I just met her a few days ago. Besides, it wasn't anything like that. Not at all"

"Where did you guys go…?"

"It was actually funny Shu, you won't believe it. She took me to a lesbian cafe"

"You mean like where gay people go?"

"I guess"

"Is she one?"

"No"

"Are you one?"

"No"

"Out"

"What?"

"OUT! I want you OUT!"

"What the fuck?"

"Go away now! I don't want to see you! And here I was, waiting for you, getting all worried about you. What a fool… Just get out now"

"Hey! This is MY pla-"

Then Sayna, somehow out of her room again - I don't know since when - threw a slipper on me and it landed right on my cheek, making me feel like I just got slapped by her, sort of like a remote face slapping I guess. 

"Out"

Sayna said that and returned to her - I mean MY - room again. 

I was about to explode but quickly diffused myself. 

Fine.

I'll go out.

I don't know where to go, but I will leave.

With nothing in my hands and no plan, without knowing where to go, I got up and left the house. Last thing I saw as I turned back just once, maybe with a subconscious wish that Shu would stop me, was Shu sitting in the same position but with his face buried deep between his knees. 

I'm sorry. 

I don't know what I'm sorry about, but if it makes you guys feel better then I will leave.

After that, I walked out.