CHAPTER 13: Scarf

YAGAMI RESIDENCE

Light stared at the doorknob of his house, and his eyes ended on his arm where the mark of the handcuffs was still slightly visible. He had to ask Lawliette to let him off, even for the night, since his mother and sister would be very worried. Someone would just have to follow him to see he went straight home.

And indeed, Light entered his domicile (although the hotel felt more a bit like it now) only to see his mother and sister's worried faces, and they obviously had a lot of questions for him. He sighed; he was thoroughly not in the mood for this despite making exactly this as an excuse. They were staring at him, but before he could say anything, his mother started with that 'tone'.

"Why are you getting home so late lately, Light?" His mother asked. "And don't tell me it's a project again."

"Yeah!" Sayu nodded. "Surely, even Todai doesn't want to stress-out their students so much! Tell us the truth, nii-san!"

And once again, he sighed. "It looks like I cannot lie to you two…" he said, feigning disappointment and the other two nodded firmly. "You see, I…have a girlfriend now, kaa-san, Sayu. But I assure you I was late because of that just today. The other days really were work nights for me."

And they gaped at him in surprise and he took the chance to just shrugged and walked to his room.

"EHH!?" Tell me it's Lawliette-neesama!" Sayu yelled and for a split second he paused his movements. He continued walking and ignored her.

Lawliette and Girlfriend. Two words he really wanted seen together. Heck, he even thought they would before he could finally kill her. He immediately cleared his mind when he felt something twinge inside him for the nth time that night. He could only be thankful that he such control over his mind.

"What about dinner?"

"I had dinner at the hotel." He yelled back stoically. It wasn't a lie, anyway. He heard his sister squeal and he shut the door immediately and went to his desk to glare at it.

But then some silence passed and he heard Sayu exclaim: "Did you see the mark on his hand?!" A pause. "BDSM?"

Of course, his demure mother would raise her voice. "Sayu!"

Sayu was not supposed to know something like that.

Well, at least they shut up afterwards.

.

"Are you sure you want to kill her? It would be so boring."

That was Ryuk, muttering some more nonsense as soon as he sat back down on his desk. And yet Light could sense something else there. What was it…? Unease?

He shrugged. He was not in the position to waste time prying about a shinigami's twisted thoughts. Lawliette left him no choice. He needed it done immediately, for if he failed to suppress his… thoughts… then he might not be able to go through with this endeavour at all. He wrote everything he needed to write at a pace he hadn't even used before.

Slow

It was so slow… and he didn't even notice an hour had passed by, forcing him to write the whole thing again.

In the end, he wrote everything until the final line. Mukahi Lawliette. Suicide at 12:00 midnight.

"But why midnight?" The damned death god asked over his shoulders. He seriously needed time for peace and quiet—alone—and the death god was not making anything any easier for him.

Light let out a deep breath and answered. "So no one will stop her."

It was a good plan and there was no way to link it to him. He would be rid of his arch enemy and he will be free to rule his new world. It was perfect! Indeed it was! Yes...

"Ah." Was all Ryuk uttered as he stared blankly at Light… who at the moment, was glowering blankly at the note and gripping his pen with mixed emotions – some of which Ryuk knew all too well.

Ryuk grinned, easily dismissing some past memories as a human, and continued to gape at Light's uncharacteristic expression of desolation as he looked at the note. His eyes were blank, posture extremely low, and everything was downcast.

'Well, this is new.'

...

Yagami Light woke up from his tiring sleep, lethargic and miserable. Not that he'd admit that, of course.

He sighed in self-disapproval. Did he really think she was the only person who could… entertain him to the point he felt like this now that she was dead? He didn't even think he needed fun so much. How could he miss those deep eyes, and that smile that could only be seen by a few people with extremely clear eyesight…?

If that wasn't the case then, was he really attracted to her that way? If so, then maybe he really should have waited for her to fall for him and at least, surely, those unnecessary feelings would disappear.

Right?

He pushed away the thoughts and went to the bathroom for a supposedly nice and long bath. It was cut short at the advent that one's mind wandered a little too easily inside that room, making it harder for him to forget about her. He begrudgingly grabbed his towel and dressed up. But then—

BAM!

As if by impulse, he punched the wall's ceramic tile. It appeared that his glare had never disappeared since the previous night, and he saw that fact in the mirror that was coincidentally placed right in front of his face. What he saw troubled him deeply.

He let out a deep, deep breath and massaged the root of his nose. There were very few things that he regretted, and this one should be one of those situations where he would realize that he need not regret it, after all. It was the best course of action, and for it was true that he harboured some kind of feelings for her – keeping them a little longer would prove to be counter-productive. He realized a long time ago that she was the one maintaining his humanity. At some point, that had got to stop—especially since she was the major threat on his life and to his dreams.

So Light being Light, he had composed himself and went down the stairs for breakfast. He knew breakfast was going to be especially good that morning – he was closer to his goal after all. But he was not even on the lowest step… when he saw her.

A wave of fear, terror, anxiety, and delight swept past him.

He winced. Delight?

And there he thought he had composed himself already. And yet he, in all honesty, wanted to run to her and embrace her whole being.

His eyes twitched when he heard Ryuk laugh out loud, actually helping him shake away that very disturbing urge that he passed through him like a wave. It was so obvious that the damned shinigami had been waiting for his reaction once he saw Lawliette alive and well.

"Light." She smiled and he coolly (well, sort of) went down the stairs and smiled back as if he didn't just attempt on killing her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Gomen ne, Light." She replied, and he stared at her to continue. "I wanted to apologize for saying all those weird things last night at the hotel. And then I went out of my way to rudely ask you to leave me alone, too…"

Yes. It was just after he swore she had to die did she say that. Indeed…, he killed her. Which went back to the question why she didn't...

He acted all nonchalant as they ate breakfast, with Sayu pretty much talking for the whole time.

"So… Lawliette and Onii-san~" She grinned. "Since when?"

"Since when, what?"

"Have you two been dating?" She asked bluntly making them both gag. Ryuk muttered something about a camera.

"We're not."

"But weren't you two together last night?"

"Well, yes, but how did that mean we're lovers?"

"Sayu… don't ask misleading questions."

"Eh? Bu—"

"I am very popular with the ladies, you know." With Sayu imagining her nii-san's version of :ifyouknowwhatImean:

"Oh." The three women uttered simultaneously. Somehow he got a little annoyed that Lawliette was with them on that reaction, even when she was obviously aware of why the misunderstanding happened in the first place.

Several minutes passed, and Light excused himself. He said he was going to take care of his things and they went to the university together. Lawliette said there was no rush, it was still early anyway – and Light couldn't help but wonder if she actually got some sleep.

The instant he closed the door of his room, he immediately glared at Ryuk. "Is there possible exemptions in the suicide rule?" That was, the cause of death of any human being can be suicide.

Ryuk shook his head. "It worked on 4 year olds; I don't see why it wouldn't on the little girl."

He raised an eyebrow. "You killed four year olds?"

"Not me."

Light ignored his suspicious shrug and concluded that it must be her name. Could she have given him a fake name? Why? There was no reason to give such at the time they had met. She wasn't even a detective then.

He frowned and dismissed the thoughts for now. He needed to appear normal with her and thinking of why she did not die would not help. They left the house that morning with still plenty of time to spare.

She paused her steps and looked at the direction of her late mother's house and he voiced out what she wanted. She gave him one of her largest grin, a surprising 1 centimeter wide, and walked towards the house. He blinked when he noticed that it looked much better than before.

"You're maintaining it?"

"Of course I am. With or without inhabitants, the Mukahi household will remain presentable."

"Maybe the inhabitants' relatives should be, as well?" But then after finishing his snide comment, he blinked at a realization. Mukahi… was her mother's last name?! He shook them away for now, he needed to clear his mind again – and that he did, almost effortlessly.

"How rude." She pouted at his comment, but then smiled fondly afterwards causing him to recoil. "I kind of missed that part of you."

"The insulting one?"

"The genuine one."

"…"

"You know what they say about Friends and Best friends?" He didn't speak. "Friends are nice to you, best friends are honest – no matter what. They sometimes insult you for no good reason at all, and yet you won't feel the least bit offended."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you got demoted as a friend all those weeks ago."

"Isn't that what Rokko called 'friend-zoning'?" He asked not particularly fond of using such words. But… he really wanted this conversation to continue.

"But I'm implying you're one of my official best friends, now."

He scoffed. "One? How is that the best?"

"You may have a lot of bests."

"Best friends." He repeated and then grabbing her waist to pull her towards him.

"You very well know I don't want to be just friends with you, Lawliette." He said in an uncharacteristically playful tone of voice.

He was glad to say that he's quite proud of himself for being able to do this now when he was just in such a shaken state several minutes prior.

If only he could hear his thoughts clearly amidst that loud sound of heartbeats, then it would have been perfect. But then she placed her hands on his shoulders and stared at him determinedly straight into the eyes, almost making him stutter.

"I won't. Even if I wanted to say it."

"Why?" Did that mean she actually felt something for him, too? When she didn't answer, he held her tighter as if to force her to speak.

"WHY?" He repeated.

"Because I don't think I deserve to – not when I know I don't have full faith in you yet." He felt his grip on her soften, and he can only hope his expression didn't give too much of him.

"Gomen ne. Light."

"…"

"Let's go now. We're going to be late."

They walked in an awkward silence when Light decided to open a conversation. It had been bugging him lately, anyway. "Where are your bodyguards?"

"They became ninjas." Ryuk commented flying gleefully behind him. He ignored him and looked at Lawliette who was pondering how to word her answer.

"We sent them back home." She said. "I'm allies with the Japanese Police now remember? Well at least some of them…" she paused, looking at him. "There was no reason to keep them away from their families."

He ignored whatever she was trying to say to him by implication and asked another thing that had been bothering him. Now was his chance. "Speaking of families… why are you using your mother's last name?"

She stared at him for a few seconds before focusing her stare to the asphalt pavement. "Because even Watari had no idea what my father's real name was…"

"Oh." Was all Light could say…, feeling quite relieved. And only because he'll be able to have fun a little while longer. But even if he harboured temporary feelings for this girl, he still needed her dead. So far, he couldn't see the possibility of her succumbing to his ideals—even when he did make her fall for him for good. This would lead to her imminent death.

He wanted her so much, yet there was no way to keep her. Not only will she not side with his beliefs, but he also felt so normal around her. He shook the thoughts away for now and told himself it was a necessary sacrifice for his pending victory. He was certain that, soon, he would get rid of these… troublesome feelings and will be able to focus on his cause.

How ironic that now that he finally lost the main reason he kept her alive – that was, making her fall for him, even when she never explicitly admitted it—he found out that he didn't know her name. The Death Note followed the patriarchal philosophy, it seemed. And it was impossible to find out her last name by himself; especially since nobody else knew either – he would need the eyes. Indeed… he'll be using that 2nd Kira, after all.

He was still going to kill her, he told himself again. The only difference now was that he didn't know her name. So he was just going to keep play with her, make erase her doubts, while getting her name in the process.

And of course, getting her to say those three words would be a bonus he would want to receive.

...

TODAI

It was another day in Japan's premiere university, and it will probably be Lawliette's last for a while. Not only did she need additional safety precautions due to a more powerful Kira, she needed more focus now that the Kira case was getting more complicated, and the death god and BB issues wasn't making things any easier. To hell with sanity. Besides, she believed she had gotten used to this already. She had already seen too many people dead.

And so, she decided to keep awake the whole day to maximize the experience. It was a day like her first where she did her best to see the school through her parent's eyes – which was hard since she barely knew them. Watari told her a lot of things, but surely they were somewhat different during their younger days.

She recalled looking onto their files in the college and saw that both of them, unsurprisingly, were the top students although her father was a bit smarter. He went by the alias 'John Smith', a common name, and apparently it suited him. Watari said that he was a very strong man – both in will and brawn. And he fit that stereotypical blonde look the name gave to most people.

He was an incredibly intelligent man, more so than Watari had obviously anticipated, for no one can hide his identity from Watari for all those years he had worked under him.

Hence there she was—watching every one of her friends as they chatted nonchalantly and waited for a chance to tell them that she wouldn't be showing her face in the university for quite some time. She observed them at first though, and noticed Takada was acting a bit uncomfortable and it worried her.

"Are you alright, Kiyomi-san?"

"A—of course I am, why wouldn't I?"

"I'm not sure." She shrugged. "Ignore me."

Light narrowed his eyes at Takada. She better not say anything to Lawliette—

His thoughts were cut off by the sight of Rokko staring at him worriedly. He remembered their conversation during their first class.

Light's eyes twitched at the memory.

He was just staring blankly at the board, bored as hell, when he felt a nudge from beside him and a piece of paper appeared in front of him. He mentally shook his head. Passing notes was too childish. But seeing that Rokko would not stop prying, Light shrugged, and decided to play along.

'Light'

"Are you alright?'

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Isn't it dangerous to be involved in the Kira case?" He frowned and crumbled the paper. Rokko asked again the moment class ended. That time, he actually replied.

"Who told you that?"

"Nobody. I just concluded it myself from what my uncle said as a 'harmless' mission. Many of us know how many times you helped the police in the past, and it won't really be a surprise to see you involved."

"What if I say you're jumping to conclusions?"

"I'm not. I saw from my uncle's (and maybe some of your) actions that you were being extremely alert. It was as if you were watching out for something. I thought it would be interesting if it was some sort of trap for Kira." At that moment Light was reminded that Rokko actually scored as one of the top 100 passers in the university. Matsuda's lack of thought may be to blame, but Rokko did not exactly act out his intelligence. If only he acted more civilized than maybe he'd believe him.

Then again, Lawliette didn't look her part either. "What if it's another case?"

"Nah. Uncle blurted out once that he's taking part of the investigation." Light remained impassive, even if he was calling Matsuda a useless idiot in his mind.

"Didn't you just say that he didn't tell you anything?"

"I was just messing with you. Ha-ha. You just looked so serious that I wanted to help ya' a bit." He coolly turned to his smirking companion and begrudgingly sent a fake smile. He forced the twitching of his eyes to stop, and unconsciously tightened his grip on his unknowing pen.

Rokko was particularly kill-worthy that day, and so he had to tell himself he should not kill innocent people. But Rokko was seriously getting on his nerves. But then, he wouldn't need his death note to shut the guy up. He had more than enough brains to handle that, the guy was just so annoying that he wanted the quickest way to get rid of him.

Keeping him busy with Takada, for instance. That thought made him wonder why they couldn't just leave him and Lawliette alone. It was so evident neither of them had a chance so why not settle with each other? They had been doing it for weeks on end already, anyway.

But when their overlapping breaks neared its end, Lawliette went for an announcement. The two nuisances were just standing up and were getting ready to leave when she said it.

"I will be going back to England for a few weeks."

"EH?" The two exclaimed, while Light pretended to be startled.

"Why?"

"My relative is sick and wanted me there… I won't drop out, of course, I already told the administration."

"When will you leave?"

"Tonight."

"Wa—So soon?"

"Hai." Then Rokko and Takada looked at each other. Rokko couldn't speak while Takada sighed and held Lawliette's head.

"I see." She smiled. "We'll miss you." Rokko, on the other hand, acted opposite to the brain capacity that he had.

"But we haven't even gone out alone yet…"

"Save it, Rokko." Takada uttered. "I wish we could skip this class."

"Why shouldn't we?"

"We have an exam comprising 40% of our gr—"

"So?"

Lawliette smiled sadly. "Go to class you two. I'll return soon enough."

"Darn it…"Rokko muttered and walked to her and then boldly kissed her in the forehead, "Don't push yourself."

She smiled, partly oblivious to the other two's stares. "I won't."

...

Light and Lawliette let a few minutes of silence past before they actually utter anything. The two of them cleaned up after their food, and it was Light who started the conversation. "I didn't think you could lie so well."

"Well, I had to." She said, comprehending that snide tone in his voice. "What do you propose I do, then?"

"Genuinely don't push yourself."

"Oh. I thought you were talking about my trip to England."

"…that, too."

"Ehhh Light slipped up? Gehe."

'Go away Ryuk.'

"Light?" He blinked as he returned to was pulled back to the conversation, and then flashed a smile as he listened."Thank you for worrying, but we both know we need to end this case as soon as possible."

"Yeah and killing your health in the process is the way to do it."

"Light—" she was cut off by Light placing his hand on her scarf. He actually aimed for her cheeks and maybe kiss her again. But it was not like him – it looked desperate. And he could swear he wanted to punch all the impulses passing above his head.

"Why do you wear this every day?"

"Since when did you wonder?"

"Just now."

"Hmn…" Lawliette sighed and looked at her scarf. Light could tell the sadness that he saw so many weeks prior was there. But they were much closer now, she decided to open up by a bit. "It is a very important item to me."

'Obviously.' Ryuk commented flying closer to them to have a more intimate watching experience. Light tuned him out.

"But to keep it with you every time?"

"This used to be my best friend's." She stated, holding the dangling part up. "He used to wear it like I do."

"Is this the same person as the one who told you about Death Gods?"

"No."

An eyebrow rose, but he decided to continue pushing. Simply because it was obviously one of her weaknesses. "Where is he now?"

"He's gone."

Silence

"I'm sorry to have asked." Lawliette only smiled at him in reply. "That was the last thing he wore?" He asked lightly. It wasn't lame, but it made him sound like the apathetic person that he thought he was.

"In a sense, yes." She whispered, and her expression told him she entered her own little world—the one he had yet to enter. Then he saw her eyes jolt by a bit and he could see terror in the orbs that many would describe as blank. She remembered something.

His hand moved on its own and, for some reason, his palm found its way on her forehead. It slowly slid down her cheek, and ended up on her chin, simultaneously holding her head up. He quickly realized what he was doing so he automatically just put his elbow on one of his leg and let his face rest on his free knuckle. "What is it?"

Lawliette looked at him, evidently a bit startled under his stare. "This scarf." She said and her eyes looked away a bit. She soon let out a sardonic chuckle. "It was what he used to kill himself."

He flinched at that. "And you're fine with wearing it?"

"I tend to look at its journey with him and not its end." She said simply, "He had been a great friend when he was still alive—albeit a bit stressful—and I have no intention on letting him die."

"Isn't he already dead?" He asked in unfazed scepticism, and she just chuckled.

"You know… Watari once taught me that a person only dies when he is forgotten."

"I still don't see why you're being so sentimental to the point of discomfort."

"Actually, I've worn this so often that I feel uncomfortable when I am not wearing it." She smiled. "And…" she paused and looked at his straight to the eyes, as if a target. "Sentimentality is not always a bad thing you know."

He did not answer. He just let his palm move up and cupped her cheek. He didn't notice he was temporarily indulging in her warmth, despite her cold pale skin. She smiled sadly and touched his arms. "You're so warm." She said and then looked at him seriously.

"Sentimentality." She repeated. "It was one of the things that made humans… humans.

"And I suggest Light-kun don't try to push it away so strongly."