A Pure Knight’s Natural Enemy – Chapter 9

RPG economics are, at the best of times, [a joke]. You'll waltz through each new area, slaying monsters who seem to always carry an adequate amount of pocket change for their threat rating, and then go to the nearest population center to buy the newest upgrade to your weaponry and armor that seems to always escalate in power in a way that coincides with how far you are from the ruined, burning remains of everything you grew to love as a child.

No wonder that the burning hazard of a town was razed to the ground if all they had to defend themselves were [wooden swords].

Still, that's not even the start of it: Recovery items rendered obsolete by the steadily leveling white mage? Check. Inns that charge a nightly rate that can be up to hundreds of the price of what you first paid for after your family, friends, and neighbors were put to the sword? Double check. Secondary or even tertiary currency that can only be used in certain places for limited edition prizes that are put there mostly for bragging rights? Triple check.

Being so rich that the amount of gold you carry should collapse into a black hole bigger than the one the redeemed party member casts as a signature move?

Check. Oh, does it check…

It's like inflation isn't even a thing for these people! Come on, even I know that the government can't print unlimited amounts of money without some very bad things happening! And what is it with the pricing of items? How is life-saving medicine so affordable when you're a scrawny level one, yet so country-bankrupting when you start needing elixirs? How would anyone other than the main party afford to buy even a goddamn HP-replenishing [apple?!]

So, like most fans of RPGs, I've often toyed with how to tweak the genre. What would I do differently were it in my power to do so? How would I, Kazuma Satou, objectively smart person according to a magical piece of paper I recently got my hands on, handle all those things that keep niggling at me while playing through the classics of the genre?

Other than by adding sex scenes, I mean.

Obviously, that one is a given.

But Tifa's unrestrained bounciness aside, and going back to the actual topic of this perfectly cogent masterclass in game design, we've already established what a mess it is for the main character to accrue untold amounts of [useless] wealth just by wandering around and doing what comes naturally to the unnatural ecosystem. Each murder, each slight contribution to the ongoing genocide of entire species, adds a bit more to the physically unlikely mountain of gold the character carries around on their solitary shoulders (given we still don't have a loot-splitting mechanic), and that's kinda redundant.

Among the resources a character needs to build up their own power, wealth and experience points tend to be either the main ones or the [only] ones, so it's entirely superfluous that both are acquired from the same source (enemies) and through the same procedure (murderhoboing). It also introduces thematical and aesthetic inconsistencies when the local fauna is discovered to have been killed while taking a leisure stroll to the bank to safely store their entire life savings so as to better secure the future of their children.

Do not fret, recently orphaned baby goblins; you soon shall be murdered as well.

Anyway, wouldn't it make more sense if the resources were acquired through more engaging means? Yes, quest rewards tend to include hefty amounts of gold, because nothing says 'I'm grateful for your unpaid labor' like actually being paid, but those are, when all is said and done, even more superfluous, as they rarely amount to even a fraction of what the player typically gets just by annihilating any encounter on their way to the quest location.

So, what would an alternative, better method be? Job minigames? Eliminating entirely the concept of pocket-change-carrying monsters? Being only paid through quests? Having uses for wealth other than acquiring ever more powerful equipment? Opening a brothel?

…

I fear that last one tends to work better as its own game rather than an add-on mechanic, but experimentation is definitely needed.

Still, it's not like there aren't examples of games that try such a novel approach. The Rune Factory series manages to be engaging in having the monster-fighting and business side of the game be both entangled and separate, and it makes for a refreshing breath of fresh air. Truly, I think the genre could benefit from more innovative takes on the subject of wealth acquisition.

That is, of course, when we are talking about games. When talking about reality…

"Is there…" My eyes water while trying to count the number of zeroes printed on the bill Luna just handed me after Megumin's latest attempt at making local maps obsolete, and then I try to have my lips match by nervously wetting them. Because consistency is important in the portrayal of one's character. "Is there some kind of legendary monster we can slay for a quick cash grab? I don't know, are mermaid tears expensive or something? Because I'm pretty sure I could make a mermaid cry…"

"Oh, yes. There's been talk of a legendary beast roaming near Axel, all but begging to be taken advantage of for a quick profit," Luna says, sadistic smile still firmly in place as she takes another sip of what is presumably tea, even if Aqua's nervous rictus indicates otherwise.

"Ah. That's… great news?" I say, almost certain that no, it isn't.

Aqua, maid uniform still displaying her proper place in the manor's hierarchy, doesn't seem to disagree.

And then Luna, with glinting, nearly rapturous eyes, sets her teacup down and, going by the widening of her grin, prepares to prove my assumptions right.

"Indeed. Who would've thought that a [male orc—"]

"Moving on! What can this humble adventurer and his stalwart party do in service of Axel?"

"Glad you asked!" she states in the sincere tone of one who is definitely glad, though maybe not in the mood to share such joy. "It's recently come up that there may be a chance to explore a dungeon that has remained sealed since it was discovered, and your party is in a unique position to do so."

"Oh?" I ask, not daring to express anything that could be taken as an opening for an assassin to strike through.

"It's called 'The Dungeon of Interspecies Harmony,'" she says.

And cold sweat drips down my back. Which is a good sign, as it means the icicles are starting to thaw.

"Ah," I say.

"Indeed," she answers.

And then she slides another envelope out of her cleavage, maintaining eye contact all the way and basically daring me to look down as she does so (a dare that I, being the utterly gentlemanly orc that I am, refuse, and not just out of sheer self-preservation), and slides it across the table for me to grasp, the Guild's official seal basically meaning I already accepted this quest before I even was aware of its existence.

Luna pushes her chair away loudly enough that Megumin stirs over the sofa and beneath her hat despite her ahegao-induced coma, and the blonde receptionist slowly stands up.

And she doesn't let go of the table.

Indeed, she keeps holding onto it as she walks around it on unsteady legs, taking some pauses from time to time before reaching me and not having to lean too much to whisper into my orcish, green, pointed ear:

"Next time you fuck a girl bow-legged, [Kazuma], consider it's at least polite to check up on her the day after."

And then, the woman with an assassin's ass slowly walks out of my manor in a way that is both menacing, kinda funny, and entirely too—

"Don't," Aqua mutters. "We already are in enough trouble with her for [that]."

I blink at her.

Then at the table being lifted by my Luna-induced erection.

Thankfully, the door being slammed behind me cuts me off before I reply with anything other than a sincere, and not cheeky in the slightest, "Yes, dear."

…

Also, I feel kind of guilty at Aqua beaming this brightly at my not at all sarcastic remark.

***

"I feel this is unbalanced," I state before we enter the imposing golden double gates of the dungeon we've been tasked with exploring, the howling winds scraping at the mountain's side lending proper atmosphere to the overcrowded scene.

"What?" Aqua, perfectly adhering to her role as an Aqua, dumbly asks.

"This. This is… kinda unfair," I say.

Aqua, Megumin, Darkness, Yunyun, and Wiz stare at me.

"Why?" a mélange of feminine voices asks.

"I mean, four is a traditional number for a reason, and that's without taking into account the level-disparity, and…"

"Ignore him. He's being Kazuma," Megumin unfairly states.

Even more unjustly, Aqua, Darkness, Yunyun, and Wiz nod.

…

I think a few corrective, consensual orc rapes may be in order.

"Did it just twitch—" Megumin suspiciously asks.

"Nope! Not at all! This is a twitch-free area. Nothing ever twitches around these parts—or, indeed, these parts do not twitch at all. Not when near a monument to the friendship between our often conflicting races—"

"You still are [human], you know?"

"Alas, but those days are long past. Now only the bestial, noble savage remains, the very proof that civilization does not tame man, but merely leashes him with resentment, debts, and deadlines. And it is only when those chains are cast off that the true visage of men can be seen, in all its green, magnificently-tusked glory—"

"Ignore him. He's being Kazuma," Megumin unfairly reiterates.

"Oi," I warn her with a well-muscled eyebrow and [maybe] a slight twitch that is, in truth, merely a warm-up exercise for the behavioral correction she's all but begging for.

"Maybe we could check those engravings?" Wiz interrupts with a stuttering voice, pointing behind me in a way that seems to draw attention away from the belligerent shortstack whose fault it is that I'm once again in life-threatening debt.

Yes. This is all Megumin's fault. I may have witnessed her casting of the spell, transported her limp body to the site of the geological assault, and absconded with the unconscious perpetrator rather than let her be found lying there in a puddle of both our juices, but there ends my participation in the acts. I'm merely a material witness, necessary participant, and co-conspirator. Clearly, no judge on Earth would deem that enough to merit any kind of reparation on my part.

…

These engravings look fascinating. High art, indeed. Do I detect a hint of Mogudan's influence in the bountiful depiction of the female form?

"Welcome!" a cheerful, disembodied female voice claims as soon as I peer suspiciously at the drawings of female adventurers and male orcs holding hands with one another. "This is the Dungeon of Interspecies Harmony, and you are the first visitor to meet the criteria since it was founded! To celebrate this special occasion, please touch the gates at the same time as your (preferably female, though exceptions can be made when wearing skirts or tight shorts) partner to proceed."

I… blink at the talking door.

And dread drips down my bare back.

Before I even turn to face my companions, the atmosphere seems to cool by a few degrees.

"That's… Ishtar. That's a recording of Ishtar's voice. This is a dungeon set up by [Ishtar]," Aqua mutters in what sounds like despair.

"Who?" Wiz asks.

"Doesn't matter," Megumin outright states. "Clearly, Kazuma can handle the physical threats of the dungeon, and I shall lay ruin to any—"

"You are a one-shot. In plenty of ways," I state.

"Guh!" she eloquently replies, teeth clenched, hand clutching at the tight band of clothing restraining her enlarged breasts.

"I… I should go!" Darkness forcefully states. "I can protect Kazuma from—"

"From absolutely nothing he can't protect himself from!" Aqua cuts her off, rather vehemently turning toward the blushing blonde in a way that makes her customary short skirt bounce almost as energetically as her maid uniform does. "Clearly, no one but a goddess will do when facing the cunning traps laid by a fellow divine being—"

"I have seen your character sheet. Cunning is [not] your main strength," Megumin says, quickly turning on her fellow teammate with an alacrity that makes me shed a tear of pride.

"I… maybe we could draw straws?" Yunyun conciliatorily suggests, only for three skeptical women to turn around on her with eerie synchronicity, as if they all are eager to unleash their specials on an opponent that hasn't trained how to counter them since I first set foot on the Town of Beginners and Overpowered Weirdoes.

Wiz keeps blinking at them all in a way that suggests this, contrary to what I've been led to believe, may not be the standard way for a group of battle-forged companions to behave with one another.

Yunyun, as if she also finds the current circumstances somewhat disorienting, takes a step back while anxiously waving her hands in front of her as impromptu, incredibly ineffectual shields.

"It—it was just a suggestion! I didn't mean to make anyone angry!"

Megumin looks briefly guilty, which is a sign of character growth I didn't expect until at least three more ahegaos, and opens her mouth to, presumably, reassure her gal pal.

"Oh, you sneaky [bitch,"] Aqua says.

And, as Megumin's eyes widen, Yunyun seems to stiffen right before the heel of her mid-calf high boot catches on the edge of a grey flagstone and she trips back, arms windmilling frantically as she crashes against my chest, causing me to lose my balance and fall against the gate that she slaps with her still incredibly cute, panicked attempt to regain her footing.

"Partner selected! Congratulations, now you shall prove the strength of the bond between species!" the disturbingly cheery voice from earlier declares as golden light spirals around Yunyun and me.

"You motherfu—" Megumin calmly bids us goodbye and good luck.

And then I am standing alone in the middle of a wide corridor, what looks like bare cave rock at my back, and what feels like sadly unbare Yunyun at my front.

"What—" the Crimson Magic Clan heiress wonders, slowly blinking up from where her face is mushed against my manly—[orcly] chest[.]

"To be perfectly clear, I will back you up when you claim this was an accident," I reassure her.

"It was an accident!"

"Right. That sounds perfectly sincere, but keep practicing, just in case."

For some reason that she deigns not verbalize, Yunyun steps away from my comforting body heat (Seriously, orc's metabolisms are just plain cheating, how do so many of them even manage to get fat?), crosses her arms over the underside of her plentiful bust, and throws a weapon's grade, despondent pout at me.

…

There [might] be a slight amount of twitching. You know, around these parts.

"Let's clear this as quickly as we can, shall we?" I tell her with a perfectly steady, not at all croaky tone.

Yunyun looks down and to the side before giving me a short nod that still manages to make the overflowing top of her breasts ripple above her crossed arms and almost over the jagged, loose hemline of her entirely inadequate in its confinement-prowess top.

Then she lets out a brusque 'hmph!' and starts walking in front of me toward the archway signaling the end of the corridor, her pink and white miniskirt swaying around her thick thighs with every step she takes in a way I'm pretty sure would be intentional for anyone other than Yunyun.

… Unfair.

Anyway! The dungeon seems to be lit by a diffuse ambient light with no clear source that casts everything in a golden, soft glow, including Yunyun's bare stretch of slightly too-tall absolute territory. You know, if there's such a thing. I mean, when it comes to Yunyun, said absolute territory could go from her ankles to her waist, and you wouldn't hear a single complaint from me. Mostly because my mouth would be too dry to verbalize such heretical thoughts.

Still, this is no time to ponder the aesthetical values of the long-storied culture I left behind. No, this is a time for dungeon delving, that most honored tradition of adventurers—

"Eek!" Yunyun cutely panics in the most traditionally-abiding way possible for a maiden in distress to do so.

And, as my orcish ancestors demand I do, I rush past the archway and toward the breedable adventurer in distress.

"Wha—" I start to say.

And then the magical voice cuts me off.

"Welcome, daring adventurers, to this first trial! Here you will be challenged to unite the best aspects of your respective races, to combine your strengths so as to overcome a challenge none of you could endure by yourselves! The physical might of the orc! The keen cunning of humanity! Show me how both of them can be joined!"

And then a glob of transparent slime hits me right in the face.

With my eyebrow erratically twitching in a way that is suboptimal for further gains, I wipe the thick substance off me and…

And see Yunyun frantically trying to do the same with every blob of slime that shoots at her from the openings in the walls and ceiling, hissing steam rising off her body as…

As her clothes dissolve.

I… blink.

And then, a horrible, terrible premonition overcoming me, I look down.

…

"My kilt! The last remnants of my valiant, stalwart jersey! How dare you, disembodied voice recording! How dare you take away from me what is most pure and precious!" I shout defiantly at the vaulted ceiling above me with a furious fist shaking in righteous anger.

"Ka—[Mister Kazuma!"] Yunyun yells.

And as I turn to watch the increasingly nude girl kneeling on the floor, something slams behind me with a thundering echo.

…

I turn, and the entrance to the clothing-dissolving-slime room has been sealed by a slab of black granite with golden letters cheerfully emblazoned upon it telling me that "For the sake of the harmony between your species, you must keep advancing!"

…

I am starting to [despise] this place.

As in, uniting an orc's physical might with a human's keen intellect? Has the designer even [met] a human?! They are morons! All but the most brilliant, world-displaced of them are petty, selfish, lazy, deranged, greedy, obtuse, unable to focus on what's right in front them—

"Mister Kazuma! Help!" Yunyun, right in front of me, begs.

I take a deep breath and a step forward, only now noticing that the whole room is covered by a steadily-rising pool of slime and that the only other opening is on the opposite side of this pool-sized room, but quite a bit higher than the door behind me.

Then I lean down, pick Yunyun's naked body up, and sit her on my shoulders, with her soft thighs around my neck, enticingly brushing my ears, and her… [pelvis] softly pressed against my nape.

"Uh?" the girl whose only remaining clothing items are, [because of course], her pink tie and the white collar of her shirt, asks me while looking down at me by the incredibly adorable yet still effective method of bending over my head and peering straight into my eyes, upside down, with her still braided and twin-tailed hair falling like a waterfall at night in front of me.

The fact that her breasts are currently pressed on top of my head does not detract from the adorableness nor the sappy, purple prose-inducing feeling welling up in my chest that I can only combat through the power of dry exposition.

"Piggyback ride. That's the mystery the room demands a human's keen intellect to solve. I give you a piggyback ride so you don't drown in slime as it reaches a height taller than any human, and then I wait for it to do so so that I can easily boost you up to the next hallway"

Yunyun blinks.

"That… does not seem to require too much cunning?"

"Nor physical might."

"Ah," she says, seemingly lost for words

Then she looks at my hands clutching her ankles and reaching up to her calves in doing so and, for some reason surely unrelated to my thumbs reflexively rubbing gentle circles over the soft lines of well-defined muscle running along the inside of both legs, Yunyun blushes.

"I… I am sure I could just… swim?"

"Are you familiar with the concept of buoyancy?" I ask the woman resting her bountiful buoys over my bald head.

"No?"

"Right. You know how oil floats over water?"

"Yes?"

"This slime is more like oil than water. You can't swim in it."

"Ah," she says, nodding in upside-down understanding that shows that her own intelligence stat is also not just for show, even if slight things such as the way the motion compounds to have her chest give me a soothing scalp massage may sometimes fly over her pretty head.

Then, refusing to further acknowledge Yunyun's generally adorable behavior and specifically enticing reactions, I walk forward, thick legs sloshing through viscous fluid that, nonetheless, seems light enough not to give me that much upward lift despite it currently reaching somewhere above my knees.

And right at the tip of my cock.

…

It's… kinda disturbing. In a nice way. I mean, I never got the thing about lotion play, other than naked women with shiny, glossy skin being an objective boon to mankind, but the way the thick, transparent thing slides between my thighs, my glans dragging through it in a way that I can't help but compare to what I did to Megumin mere hours ago…

Well, let's just say I'm mentally adding a tag to the list of things to check if I ever get another stab at this whole reincarnation thing and end up in a more civilized world.

By which I mean one with Internet porn, in case that wasn't clear.

"Mister Kazuma?" Yunyun hesitatingly asks as we keep trekking through what amounts to an Olympic-pool-sized room.

"Yes?" I answer her with all due deference.

"You're growing hard," she says.

"… Yes," I answer with all due sincerity.

"Is it… because of me?"

This time, I don't answer.

Mostly because there's no right way to say, 'Well, it started being because of you, your ridiculously curvy body being naked in the most possibly hentai fashion as droplets, streaks, and blobs of transparent slime stuck to your skin and made it mesmerizingly shine in front of my eyes right before I held you and had both your sex and breasts cling to my neck and head, but I repressed that hard enough not to consciously process it so things wouldn't get awkward, yet I ended up going on a porny tangent that still managed to get me erect despite my best efforts, so there's that.'

"Mister Kazuma?"

"Gah! Fine! Yes, it's because of you! Because I am stuck inside a dungeon clearly designed by somebody who has spent too many lonely nights browsing tag after tag, hopefully not delving into NTR, with the most adorable girl I know, one who also has a ridiculously lewd body that is paired with a bright, quivering, brave smile that gives my heart a raging boner! Because I'm pretty sure the whole point of this ridiculous place is for me to fuck you senseless, and I both can't wait for that to happen and don't want it to happen because of somebody else! Because you deserve [better]! You deserve to have Megumin hold both your hands and look at you with [undisguised] love as you tenderly kiss, surrounded by as many candles as I can safely cram into your bedroom! You deserve to be [happy], and loved, and cared for, and not just used like a cumrag like I'm sure this stupid place wants me to—oh, look at that, we've arrived at the exit to the room. Let's pretend this conversation never happened."

I grab a silent Yunyun's thighs and lift her off my shoulders, turning her around to face me and switching my grip to her hips before bending my legs until my head goes under the slime, and then I jump up, boosted by both my orcish might and the slight buoyancy of the transparent, glossy fluid sticking to my entire body.

It is just enough to set Yunyun sitting on the ledge of soothingly colored stone protruding from the open archway leading out of here before I fall back down into the sloshing fluid.

"… Mister Kazuma?" the naked girl sitting with her legs dangling from the ledge asks, her cheeks about as dark as I think mine currently are.

"Yes?" I answer, because the monosyllabic thing feels like a safer option than letting my mouth run rampant yet again.

Yunyun looks down at me, her crimson eyes searching mine for what feels like forever and, going by the steadily-rising level of the slime now reaching up to my shoulders may as well be.

Then she… smiles. A soft, kind, caring thing with a hint of embarrassment and…

She's beautiful.

All right, she looks erection-inducing, what with being naked in all the ways that matter, only her remaining shirt's collar and pink tie nestled between her generous breasts being a technical caveat to her nudity. And her skin gleams in shifting, mesmerizing ways, the droplets and globs of slime still sticking to her inevitably bringing to mind what my orcish metabolism could do to her with a few hand strokes. Yunyun looks eminently fuckable.

But she also looks [beautiful].

She looks gentle, and kind, and her smile makes something inside my chest clench, because I [know] what that smile means. I know how hard it is to hold onto it when the world decides to turn you into its plaything. When things go wrong and keep going wrong. I know how easy it is to give that smile up and sink into cynicism, and sarcasm, and even anger-fueled rants at useless goddesses.

Yet…

['I—it's all right, Mister Kazuma. I understand. It's hard being alone,'] she told me.

With this same smile.

"There's a rope ladder here," she finally says, rummaging on the floor to her left before throwing it down at me.

I, rather than show how utterly unnecessary the transparent excuse at this place making any sense is by just jumping up like I did when boosting Yunyun to the exit of this room, take the time to climb up the ladder, taking deep breaths and trying to mentally wrestle my erection down all the way.

Which kind of means Yunyun is precisely at eye-level with my cock during an awkward moment when I step into the new stretch of magically-lit hallway.

"Do you…" Her eyes drift up to meet mine, the crimson shimmering in ways that manage to distract me from the glossy sheen of her breasts. "Do you want me to… help? With that?" she asks.

I slide my tongue past my tusks and wet lips that feel like they should be dry despite their recent slime spa treatment.

"No," I finally tell her, leaning down to offer her a hand.

Her smile brightens in ways that feel almost painful to look at, and her gentle fingers close around mine before I help pull her up to her feet.

Then we both walk forward, away from the slime pool, and toward whatever stupidity Ishtar came up with next.

***

"I want to pay rent," Yunyun mutters after a stretch of comfortable silence.

"What?" I answer, almost stumbling when I turn to my left to face her. Or, at least, to look down at the girl wringing her hands together in front of her bare, tie-squeezing chest.

"I… I am staying at your place a lot, and you need the money, so maybe I could just… I could move in? With Megumin? My place is expensive, and I could just contribute. I don't know how much it would help, but… Mister Kazuma?"

I am… I don't even know.

"Yunyun, do you realize this is the most helpful, heartfelt offer I've heard since I got into this world?"

"That sounds terrible," she says, head tilted, forehead barely wrinkled by the hint of a frown.

"It is. It really, really is," I say.

And then I surround her waist with fingers long enough to touch one another over her back and belly and lift her up in front of me to silence her panicked, startled 'eep' with a kiss.

"Sorry!" I say as soon as I end it. "I… I, you're… I don't know what came over me!"

"It's all right!" she says, flushed and waving her hands between us. "I just… it surprised me, you know?"

I stare at her.

She stares back.

And I lean forward, moving slowly to make sure I'm not crossing a forbidden line before I—

Before the floor opens below us.

We both scream as we're suddenly dropped into a pool of heated, pink fluid that splashes as we're violently submerged before we are pushed back up to the surface, the buoyancy of this particular pool far more amenable than that of the slime.

"Wha—" I splutter, spitting a large mouthful of the tingling, cloyingly sweet liquid through the curling fog floating over it, lit by shifting light that seems to come up from under us, surrounding our bodies with an eerie aura and tinting the hastily closing ceiling above us with shimmering lines of light that ripple across the wide expanse of now smooth stone.

"Welcome, adventurers, to your next trial!" the most annoyingly chipper voice I've heard come out of someone other than a drunk Aqua says. "Here, you will once again be tested on your capacity to cooperate, to bring out the very best in one another! And you will do so through [this!"]

A beam of golden light falls upon what seems to be the middle of this underground pool, or lake, or whatever something of this size should be called, and it shows the fog lapping up at a small protruding island with something that looks like an altar on it.

Immediately, and not because it gives me an excuse to hold Yunyun close to me, I shift on my back with her on my chest and start swimming toward the very obvious quest marker.

"Once again, humanity's keen intellect shall be tested, but this time it's a race against time itself! Will orcish might be enough to withstand the ravages of the mind-altering fog surrounding them? Will his willpower be enough to avoid bothering their partner while they look for a solution to their current trials? Will their loving bonds endure what their terrible, awful circumstances may force them to do?"

Wait, what?

The back of my head hits the rocky shoreline hard enough for me to hiss, the distraction from the [soon-to-be-dead voice] enough for me to miss a [landscape feature,] but that's not the worst of it as Yunyun is breathing harshly over me, her cheeks flushed, something that is neither slime nor pink liquid dripping down her bare thighs as her smoldering eyes look up at me, and…

"Not… like this…" she mutters.

And something snaps inside my head.

So I pull both of us ashore, and then I hug Yunyun to my chest and put my lips against hers, the archmage opening her eyes with sudden panic before…

Before she understands I'm sharing my air with her.

Look, it's a shot in the dark. For all I know, my lungs are as filled with hentai-inspired aphrodisiac as the rest of the room, but at least it's [something].

So I keep feeding her as much air as I can afford as I walk us to the altar, and then, as my lungs burn and my head gets foggy, I kneel on the neat tiles of sandstone and let Yunyun go.

She sways on unsteady feet, but the girl is, according to her stats, a certified genius, so she quickly turns around and looks at the altar, the block of stone that's about as tall as I am, and…

And gets on all fours, her shapely derriere waving at me.

"What the—"

"That's not it!" she says with sheer mortification. "I'm just…"

Just crawling on all fours [into] the opening in the stone. Apparently.

Which… makes sense?

"There's… There's a grid of nine squares in here, Mister Kazuma. One of them is lit," she says.

Oh.

Oh, [no].

"Try… try to touch the one that's lit up and tell me what happens," I tell the swaying derriere sticking out of vertical stone.

Or, you know, a wall.

A piece of wall. With a hole. And a girl's bare hips sticking out of the hole.

…

Curse you, favorited tags! Curse you and the trials you visit upon me!

"It… The light went out, but the tiles to the right, left, up, and down of it lit up."

[Fuck].

"Okay," I tell her, not at all panicking at the way the golden light dims so that Yunyun's naked, wet lower half is once more only lit by [fucking mood lighting]. "It's… It's a classic logic puzzle from my world. The idea is that you need to make all the squares light up at the same time, so you need to plan… need to plan…"

"Plan…?" Yunyun's raw, [needy] voice asks.

Fuck it.

"Just start touching them at random until you stumble on the right combination!"

"Wha—that could take [ages!"]

"And you think I can think worth a damn with you enacting a depraved fetish in front of me?!"

"A [what?!"]

"Girl stuck in a wall! It's a goddamn classic! I'm supposed to grab your hips to help you get out, but then you realize you are stuck, and my hands keep switching their grip on your lewd body, molding and shaping grooves of pale flesh with my fingers, stealing moans out of you as heat rises inside of you, as every new way for me to touch you only brings you the burningly anticipatory enigma of what I'll do next, of what will be the next thing I visit upon your helpless body as lubrication runs down your thighs, and you feel the heat of my rising cock near your—"

"I am touching them! I am touching the squares!"

"Touch faster!"

"I am trying!"

Then, as Yunyun indeed tries enthusiastically enough that her ass all but ripples as she moves her whole body in and out of the [hole in the wall], I slam my head against the stone.

It cracks.

The wall, not my head.

Well, given the way my knees just buckled, maybe also my head, but I'm in no condition to judge that.

"Mister Kazuma! What are you doing?!" Yunyun, her ass grinding against my hips, my hard cock nestled between her cheeks after my blissfully cushioned fall, asks.

So I slam my head again.

And [again].

And then the wall shatters, a rainfall of sandstone exploding back as the classic square that all fucking erotic RPG Maker creators are prone to taunt me with appears under me.

So I, eyes twitching for entirely non-aphrodisiac-related reasons, lean down [and rip the fucking thing off].

Yunyun, her midsection covered by loose gravel, her breasts, head, and arms free, turns to look back and up at me with what seems like awe.

And the panel with the squares fizzes, all of them flashing dazzlingly before it explodes in my face.

This all is punctuated by a bright, cheerful ding that incites burning hatred in my gut.

"Congratulations! You both have once again overcome your trial, though maybe you needn't have rushed so much, as the parameters state the aphrodisiac—the [debuff items] have barely had any time to work. Still, you [are] victorious, and thus you can proceed to the next stage!"

… Is divinity a crippling mental illness? Is Aqua the rule, rather than the exception? Are churches support groups for those sadly afflicted by something that would make any responsible adult pretend to be compassionate and caring about before dismissing the pamphlet-carrying guy ambushing them to ask for donations outside the subway's exit?

Should I start watching out for Eris to develop any worrying symptoms?

"Mister Kazuma?" Yunyun, cheeks bright red, eyes lidded, lip bitten, asks, demanding my attention like a time-limited jpeg on a cash sink. "I… I think I am stuck."

I look at her.

At Yunyun bent over at her waist, sticking out of loose gravel, her arms spread out before her over the hole previously covered by the recently exploded tablet, her tails draped loosely over pale flesh that shimmers with the pink light of this place in a way so eye-catching that I barely notice the rumbling of smooth paving stones rising up from the lake in a path toward an open archway lit with golden hues on the other side of this lake as the tendrils of aphrodisiac fog recede to the walls of the cavern topped with a smooth ceiling that keeps reflecting the waves of light shone on it from under the surface of the hentai-colored liquid.

I… I am no longer burning. The drug's effect is passed.

But my cock is far harder now.

"Yunyun, I think I can move the stones, just… don't move and—"

"Can't you… pull me out instead?" she says, lowering her voice.

And I have to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Are you… sure?" I ask.

Yunyun wiggles her ass, the yielding flesh caressing my still firmly nestled cock up and down as she lets go of her bitten lip and tenderly licks it sideways before offering me a shy smile.

"Mister Kazuma…" she whispers. "I think I can't get out without your… [help]."

And then pushes [back].

So I immediately grab her waist, the pads of my thumbs resting on the dimples on her back, my other fingers spreading to massage as much of her hips as I can manage before Yunyun turns to look forward, away from me.

"It… It's supposed to work better if I don't see you, isn't it? The… the anticipation?" she says.

"Yes," I croak out.

"Ah," she answers.

And she tucks her head down, between her arms, as her hips sway up once again.

I, through an effort of will that can only be compared to a Limit Break, pull my cock away from its hotdogging position.

Yunyun whimpers.

And I slide it right back between her plush thighs, the top of it dragging across closed, wet lips during an uninterrupted motion that is accompanied by Yunyun's long, shuddering moan.

"Are… Are you [sure]? You told me you didn't want—"

"I do not want it to be on [their] terms," Yunyun uncharacteristically cuts me off, a spark of spite punctuating her words before it softens back. "But I… I want you, Mister Kazuma. I want to be with you.

"Because I…

"I don't want to be alone."

And I…

I keep holding her waist, keep slightly moving her body back and forth in the ways I described to her, my grip shifting as her thighs tighten and relax over my sliding cock between them.

But I also bend over her body until my lips are right beside her left ear.

"You will never be," I tell her.

And then, as Yunyun abruptly turns around to look at me with wide eyes and I take her lips, I slide my cock back and forward.

Only, this time, it's not between soft, plush thighs.

Or, well, [it is] between them. It's just it's also [into] Yunyun[.]

Her eyelids flutter, the crimson of her irises almost erased, entirely replaced by vein-stricken white as Yunyun moans into my mouth, her tongue going limp around mine mid-kiss.

So I stop, half my cock still outside her body as I slowly lean away from soft, tender, amorous, [accepting] lips.

"I can mind break you," I tell her, remembering our first time. "But I also want to protect you."

A spark of something flashes through her eyes as bright crimson lowers back into them, and relaxed lips curl into a lazy smile.

"I don't need to be protected. I just need to be loved," she says.

And…

And I fuck her.

"Ah! Mister Kazuma! So sudden!"

"That's entirely your fault! You can't expect me to process my emotions and talk about them like an adult when I'm balls-deep into someone as ridiculously attractive as you!"

"I—ah! Ah, [fuck]!"

"Yes! That's what I'm doing!" I say with a punctuating hip thrust.

"Not that, you—[oooohhhh!] Oh, right… Yes! Faster!" she answers with clenching pressure.

"Your wish is my command!"

"That's—[hn]—not true! Not when I just asked—"

"Of course I love you! Who the fuck wouldn't when you're like [this!"] I say, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back to look at me with defiance in her crimson eyes.

"That doesn't make me happy at all! I don't want you to love me because you like my body—"

"Your body?! I like [you]! I like your courage, and your endurance, and your kindness, and your—you used your skill points to be a more caring lover! Do you understand just how few people would do that?!"

"That's… That's not true! Plenty of people use skill points for sexual—"

"Not to enjoy yourself, but for your [partner]. You… You explored an entire skill tree just in case your lover would be into something you could offer them! Who does that?!" Our flesh crashes and ripples, the loose pebbles over her back falling away with clouds of powdered stone drifting off her swaying body as she answers my movements before her back goes rigid, and she falls back on her arms.

"I—I don't—ah! Mister Kazuma! You're making me—"

"Do it! Show me how beautiful you are when you come!"

"I am noooot!" she says.

And immediately shows me how much of a lie that is.

I pull her head up once again as I slow my thrusts, keeping a torrent of stimulation going through her as we lock eyes, as her mouth keeps being open in a surprised, silent circle and her shoulder blades shake under skin lit by shimmering pink.

I keep fucking her through her orgasm, just… just drinking in how she looks. How her right tail comes undone and the braid acting as a diadem loosens as Yunyun shudders and quivers, never looking away from me as her sex seems to pull me deeper and deeper inside of her, the heat coming in waves off her skin making sweat dew on my chest, all of my new muscles devoted to holding her, to angling her body in the perfect way for her to [take my cock].

And then the silent moan turns into something else, a sharp inhalation becoming a rising howl as she closes her eyes and throws her head back, her throat taut in front of me, her entrance closing tight enough that I can't pull myself away from her.

The howl ends, and Yunyun holds herself up for a fraction of a second before her arms tremble, and she slowly lowers herself.

"Use me," she mumbles, eyes closed, mouth half-open.

"What?" I ask her in the middle of caressing her exposed cheek with my thumb.

"Use me. I want you to use me. I want you to make me believe what you say. That you want me. That you desire me. That you…"

She trails off.

And I move.

Slowly, dragging a low grunt from her as I pull out of her clinging sex until only my head remains.

And then back in.

"Harder," she whispers.

And I do.

No stones remain over her smooth back, just rock dust and what may as well be sand, so I can see her sway with me. I can see her body slither as she pushes herself up on her elbows, and she tries to shift, to better accommodate me.

And then I pull her up.

"Mister… Mister Kazuma?" she asks with a lost tone as I hug her back to my chest and wrap my right arm under her knees.

"I am using you," I tell her with a hot whisper that has my tusk scrape along the edge of her ear. "I am using you to feel loved."

As her eyes shoot wide open, as she gasps or sobs, I stand up.

And, feet spread shoulder-wide, a girl in my arms, my cock inside of her, I let out the most orcish roar of my life as I barely manage to pump inside her three times before I flood her womb with my cum until I am once again brought to my knees in this stupid place.

Only, this time it's Yunyun who does it, and so I don't regret it.

***

"We should keep going," I tell the girl curled up over my chest.

"Hmmm," she maybe agrees.

"The others may be worried," I tell her, lazily running my fingers through her surprisingly long hair now that both tails and braid are undone.

"Hmmm," she acknowledges with a close-eyed smile.

"We should really, [really] get moving," I tell her before kissing the top of her head.

"Hmmm," she answers before shifting her shoulders atop me and curling herself into something more comfortable.

And I, despairing over how uncooperative my party members always are, lie my head back down on powdered rock and sigh.

The painful smile stretching my lips is entirely unrelated to my current circumstances, though. Any suggestion otherwise would imply [feelings].

==================

Hello there! This bout of green fever is brought to you by both my own insanity and my supporters voting for it one too many times in a row until it became a monthly series. It currently has ten chapters, and the tenth one, currently on my Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/Agrippa?fan_landing=true), will be publicly released once the eleventh is written.

From this point forward, square brackets ([]) will signal segments in cursive in the original. Please, let me know if that is comfortable to read.

Also, I'd like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, Xalgeon, and aj0413. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and helping me keep writing wholesome orc rape, consider joining them or buying one of my books on https://www.amazon.com/stores/Terry-Lavere/author/B0BL7LSX2S. Thank you for reading!