Questions

Sagrika turned her head after hearing her name being called out by her professor, she had recognized him at first glance but had not had the courage to face him and reintroduce herself.

*She had been blessed with everything in her life, good looks along with intellect, fame in her profession, an apparently perfect family, love, wealth as well as health but not courage! Courage was the only thing she had always lacked, she had been an escapist all her life; the only pact she had followed was that she and her problems didn't like each other, so they need not face each other. Despite being the elder sibling, she would invariably end up running and hiding, while Swara was her hideout- she had been her shield…*

Noticing Sagrika’s blank stare, Dr.Maheshwari assumed she had again gotten lost in her thoughts; he cleared his throat and said, “I said, it's nice to meet you Dr. Sagrika, don’t you think you have some explaining to do?”

Sagrika was brutally yanked out of her thoughts even though the accusation had been mild; she somehow gathered the energy to speak and managed to stay upright even though her knees were buckling underneath her. “It’s wonderful to see you again, sir. I don’t know what you are talking about…” She said this to change the topic by feigning ignorance, thinking he might be asking about Manya’s outburst; after all, Sagrika had been his best student and he had always treated her like his own daughter.

*She had once again entered the land of thoughts and was wondering how she had been adored by everyone she had met, but her own daughter loathed her. She was unable to cross this chasm that had formed between her daughter and herself- she knew the reason Manya did not want to come back. She knew she would never be able to gain her daughter’s trust again, but she had not given up hope: she was still rooting for the day she would talk to her Minni and try to clear things out...would she ever be able to do that in this lifetime?*

Dr.Maheshwari looked at the changing expressions on Sagrika’s face as he was deliberating his response, then spoke again, “Yes, you do- you still owe me an explanation for why you resigned; most importantly, you quietly submitted your resignation while I was abroad. After you left, you cut off all links, you changed everything: your address, your phone number! Where on the Earth have you been? And now, I can officially proclaim that it indeed is a small world- I ran into you after all these years, when I am back in India only for a few days for a project. Now tell me, I just asked you something.” He completed his last sentence with an authoritative tone in his voice.

*Sagrika was well aware of her teacher’s temper but the circumstances had been such that she had felt as if she had no options available. What was the use of her being a psychiatrist when she hadn’t been able to treat her own daughter, how could she confidently offer someone else help? Did she even deserve to be a doctor?*

She tried to speak, with her voice shaking, “S-sir actually, the conditions developed in such a manner that I could see no other way. I didn’t want to bother you at that time while you were busy with one of your biggest research projects.” She was aware she had offered a half-baked lie and it would be detected within seconds, but she still wanted to try her luck.

The doctor looked at her with a hint of annoyance mixed with concern and said, “Done with the story? Now spill! And this time the only truth will do, or else be prepared for a volley of questions with my rapid fire speed- it’s up to you.”

Sagrika had understood that she couldn’t hide the truth for much longer, but she was still hesitant, even a little embarrassed.

Sensing her uneasiness, Dr.Maheshwari patted her head and said, “Child, you know that you can discuss anything with me, right? I am just like your father; and it’s important you tell me because it is related to your daughter’s health as well. So please speak out everything you think is relevant, without any hesitation.” He then folded his arms and gave her some space, patiently waiting for Sagrika to explain.

A drop of tear landed on Sagrika’s cheek, betraying her again- but this time she wasn’t sure why she was getting emotional: on behalf of the daughter lost to her, or the mention of the fatherly bond she had shared with her ex-mentor many years ago.

*She looked at the face of her teacher again and felt the same mixture of respect, awe and affection for him that had been there in her college and professional days, she did look up to him as a father figure after all. After evaluating the emotions present in her mind in that instant, she decided to open up to him about the trauma that Manya had been suffering and why she couldn’t even bear to look at her face.*

Keeping her eyes on the ground, she began, “Manya was thirteen years old when we lost my younger sister- her Massi; and somehow, she ended up thinking that she died because of me. This caused her great distress and led her onto a path of hurt and grief from that day onwards: in the initial days she was scared of me, which further morphed into anger in her adolescent mind and now exists as fury and hatred. This is the story.”

Dr.Maheshwari looked at her with empathy and replied gently “I’m sorry for your loss. As far as I know, you never learned how to drive and I was told during Manya’s diagnosis that her Massi passed away in an accident; were you the one driving the car?”

“No, no. I still can’t drive, nor was I driving that day- but I don’t know who told you that she died in an accident! The fact is, she died due to the accident but the death was not on spot but during her treatment; she died after ten days from injuries sustained during the crash. But, Manya thinks it was my fault because the poor thing was too young at the time to understand the complications.”

“Oh! Actually the young man in blue had given me this information, strangely enough, he forgot to give me his name! Regardless, your answers are giving rise to many new questions in my head, but this is not an appropriate setting for that conversation. How long are you in the city for? I want to set up a proper meeting. And tell me, how are your parents? Are you going to visit your family back in Kolkata?”

Sagrika paused for a second and spoke without giving away any emotion, a flat note in her voice, “Nobody is alive.”

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