Cara's life story 2

She couldn’t read his expression in the moonlight, but his silence was

very telling.

“Why does it matter?” Julian said at last, a strange sort of tension in

his voice.

“I’m just curious.” Would he lie? Would he tell the truth? What was

the truth?

“I told you—he got homesick.”

“Stop lying,” she said.

Another long, heavy silence.

“It’s personal,” Julian said tersely. “It’s between me and Sebastian.”

She clenched her hands into fists. “I’m the mother of your child. It

doesn’t get more personal than that.”

“It’s different.”

“How?” It was a struggle to keep her voice calm. “Or is there

‘personal’ for Sebastian and ‘personal’ for the rest of us unimportant people?”

“Don’t be ridiculous—”

“I’m sick and tired of always coming third,” Claire whispered.

“When Sebastian left, I thought things would be finally different, but you’re too busy

moping and pining for him to pay me much attention. We’re having a baby

in less than two months, Julian. A baby!” Her voice cracked. “Don’t you care?”

He sat up and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing his nose against her cheek. “Don’t be silly,” Julian said urgently. “Of course I care. I’m very excited about having a kid. I’ve always wanted a family, you know

that. It’s always been my dream.”

Cara inhaled shakily. “I know. But sometimes I think…Sometimes I

think it was just a childish dream. A pretty future, nothing real. Like like a beautiful trophy you take out of the case on special occasions to admire, not something you want to use every day.”

“Come on, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?” Cara smiled humorlessly. “You know what I’m afraid of? That when the baby is born, it’ll be an afterthought for you, too. Something that’ll always come after Sebastian and—”

“Sebastian left,” Julian bit off, removing his hand and pulling away.

“He’s not coming back.”

A laugh broke from her throat. “Tell that to yourself. You seem to be

the one unable to accept it and move on."

Julian said nothing. Cara wished she could see his face, although a

part of her was almost glad she couldn’t.

“I’ve never asked,” she whispered, looking at her hands. “I never

wanted to be the sort of girlfriend who asks her boyfriend to ditch his friends for her. But maybe I should have. Because your relationship with

him is…was…too much. Too disturbing. Too intimate.” She chuckled.

“You know, sometimes I felt like he was your boyfriend, and I was not going to be the one to give birth to your child.”

“You know I don’t swing that way,” Julian said tiredly.

“That’s the only reason I’ve never asked you to end your relationship

with him.” Cara bit the inside of her cheek. The truth was, she hadn’t

thought she stood a chance of succeeding.

“Where are you going with this?” Julian said. “What is the point?

Sebastian left. You can be happy.”

Cara slumped back against the couch. “How can I be happy when

you’re depressed?”

“I’m not depressed,” Julian told her, without much feeling.

Cara snorted. “Sure. You just barely sleep, barely eat, and play

me like you don’t give a fuck anymore. But no, you aren’t depressed.”

“I’m not depressed,” Julian said again, as if repeating this would

make it true. “I’m just…I just have to wait it out. It will pass. It will. Sebastian said so."

Cara cringed at the desperation mixed with belief in his voice. Sebastian said so. What had she gotten herself into? Where was the dream of mating with someone she loved, did he even love her anymore? She was afraid to ask. Afraid of the answer she’d get.

“You miss him,” she murmured, clenching her hands together.

Julian laughed. It was a horrible sound. “Miss? I don’t miss him.

I…” He trailed off.

When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible and full of

resentment, “I just feel empty. Incomplete.”

Cara bit her lip. God.

“It’ll pass,” he whispered hoarsely, grabbing her hands and squeezing.

“It will. I promise.”

His grip hurt, but she didn’t complain. “Okay,” she said with far more conviction than she felt. For their child’s sake, she had to believe in that.

And if he ended up resenting her that because of her and their child he couldn't be with the one he loved, if he ended up leaving her, then at least she'd know she got something out of the love she had for him.

Her hands went to her stomach.

She would know she got a son that she would love, cherish and care for. And in turn, he would care for her.