WILLOCK 60

Father's worry had taken root in my thoughts, and I had forgotten that I needed to pick out my suit for the ballroom. Days had passed; it all became work, and I had actually asked the guard about his son, to which he seemed very open. He stated that the man had not yet left Iraq; it seemed to have been a productive adventure for him, and he sought not to be disturbed by queries of return. Yes, I would agree with him; Iraq was one country that sought no prejudice on being black or white. They loved you regardless; the only thing that floated in the airs of the nation was the split between religion. The non-Muslims stood no cut; they just seemed a threat. It was maybe something, but I was actually treated well, being Christian. So maybe sometimes religion never impacted me, but I heard statements of it. I had also somehow started standing in line of their wears and costumes; their colors seemed beautiful, and I loved them.

However, this evening, we should be in the King's palace as the ballroom party starts exactly at seven, meaning we have to leave earlier. I still had not gotten my clothes from the tailor; hence, I needed to reach the markets as fast as possible. Sister had already arrived, and brother's suit seemed to perfectly fit him. Father was already hasting them, and I was just waking; he would surely be mad on realization that I haven't taken my bath and not even had time to pick my clothes.

I'm not really—I mean, I'm not the lazy type, but things had clouded my mind. I had to hand over most of my workings and teach my brother much and most of what happens here. The fact that I was leaving for some palace, I had not yet intended or had ideas of staying, seemed really not to be part of my bargain. Scotland has always been the King's birthplace, but I shall choose Wales, as I'm quite familiar with the likes of Ezron and his mother. I know much of the country in comparison to the area I don't.

I leave the house through the back door, as I want no one to realize that I am not set. Take one of the horses and leave for the marketplace. That tailor was sometimes one of a kind, but she seemed to be interested in my speeches. I would stay at her place until she prepares dinner; we eat, we converse, and then I leave. I knew she sometimes wished I would stay for the night. She had nice eyelashes, nice fingers, tall and slender; I liked her. She was beautiful, but I just did not have much liking for being someone who has casual relationships. I felt she was sad when I told her about the ballroom, but sadness is part of the human experience, and sometimes we can't always get the things we love; we have to lose them.

I always wonder why I usually have a lot to say about sadness. It is like a part of me is buried in it, buried in that feeling, as if it never goes away. It is always somewhere, but I choose to ignore it because the best thing I wanted in life is happening to me: to find someone, and I found her. She alone was my happiness. I know how sad it is hearing someone state that someone is their happiness, but she is, and heaven knows how heartbreaking it would be if she were to leave. I surely would never live with it; it would haunt me, even more than being a bastard haunted me.

"Hello, dear lady, Willock here. I've come for my suit," I state, and she comes out, smiling. She always had that smile when she heard my voice, or maybe she always had that smile.

"Now you marry," she stated as she asked me to get in. I wanted to tell her that time was running, and if I am not to leave now, father would surely be mad at me for it. From Bavdon, it was something of three to four hours. I knew father wanted us to rest first. I wonder why when heading to the viscount we took a longer route; we actually slept in the wilderness. I guess those guards were on something; the road we used has never made sense to me, as I never traveled in it ever since. I just assume they maybe never knew that road well.

"Yes, it surprises me too," I state as I follow inside, and she closes the door a little.

"Your suit will be the best of all," she states, not even looking at me. "They will love it. I hope you love it," she adds, which makes me smile.

"I hope she likes it."

"You love her much," she states.

"I have always. I always told you."

"It's always hard to let go of someone in love with another," she states, then apologizes as fast as she says that.

"Is something the matter?" I ask.

"No, I am just happy you connected with your happiness. I still seek mine," she stated. This lady was a little older than me; she was knowledgeable, but anyone would take her for a young person. She just had a young person's face, and she was quite the type who did not mind anyone's age.

"You shall... you shall find yours, trust me," I state as I reach out to her, and raise her chin. She seems to be fighting tears. "You cry... are you hurt... did I say something of hardship?" I state, rambling as I have no idea what to do. Sometimes it's hard for a man to help a woman in tears; you feel helpless.

"Here is your suit. It is well ironed. You should leave, pay me later," she states, ignoring my statement.

"Is there something the matter?" I state, forcing myself near her. She was quite short; she muttered nothing. After her long pause, she did something bold, no lady had ever done to me. She raised her heels, pressed her lips on mine, and then tightly hugged me. Hell, I knew this was wrong, and I wished I did not kiss her back. But all these emotions, all these emotions I have always bottled up, they just seemed to explode at the moment. Some hours, I will be dancing with her, some hours, I will be dancing with her. This is what started ringing in my head, but it will be too long, too long. This girl always looked exactly like her, and I found myself pushing the girl into the nearest wall. I knew it was wrong; these were the wrongs I tried hard to stay away from. These were quite... I told my reasoning brain. I found my breathing heavy, and then I heard a wide open of the door...

"Brother…! Hahahaha/…, brother.., enough of good times, let's go,…" Hell, I jumped from the girl very fast, took my suits, and left. I suddenly hated what I did; I felt like punching something. What was wrong with me, I questioned myself. She kissed me, but I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. I just—oh God, why do I want to ruin things when they are perfectly ending my way? Why the hell? I heard my brother's laughter still ringing in my head. I knew hell; it was me on his lecture table. No, I feel what he always felt. Sometimes, women— I always heard when men stated 'women,' they always talked about ladies, and God knows what I would have done. God knows how I would face the princess, knowing my sins—hers, innocent, mine hectic, especially being the day of the dance, to be introduced to all. But I needed to keep all this guilt behind me. I will face myself right when this day ends, maybe tomorrow, or maybe never. But she just—she just made me feel like I was doing it with the princess. I thought of her, and then I just ignored the guilt, never mind. I shall state my course and make heavy apologies to the girl. But I can't tell the princess I did something like that. I just can't. I will tell her maybe when we are happily married and have some children, or maybe I shall never, maybe I will never. But how many men do the same thing? Here again, justifying my action, I took the horse and freed it. Let me face the party; I'mma make the best dance and the best piano beating ever. I have to let this go.

Brother had already arrived; he waited for me. I did not dare to see him. Went into the room, took a shower, wore my clothes, asked the barber for a haircut. I needed to look neat, and then suddenly I saw beauty in shaving like the style they shave in Iraq. And so I just did that, slick shaved my hair, like some Latino man, and left for the carriage; we always traveled with my brother.

"Don't question," I stated after some quiet travel.

"Where did the loyal Willock go?" He asked.

"Shut up, brother," I stated.

"Aren't you the one who always makes statements about women, and look at you doing it during your ballroom, doing your ballroom."

"I said shut up!" I shouted, until I heard the guard in front ask if everything was fine. "Say not a word to anyone," I added.

"How long has it been happening?" He asked.

"It has never happened, brother," I stated, and I knew he already had his answers. He was always suspicious of us, the way I waited for him in that room as he laid down his women.

"Brother, you know much of me, as I should know much of you," he stated.

"Charles, she put her lips on mine, and then the hug," I stated.

"Brother, have you never?"

"No, I have. I just—it's just different."

"Don't you fear her grace stating you have the skills; women like the experience." It almost felt awkward that my brother was telling me this. There is a lot to giving a woman pleasure in bed, but I knew that was where a man's masculinity esteem lay ground. At that point, a woman could make you lay low or elevate yourself to the highest mountain peaks. I knew, I always knew I know. I have seen pictures of the weird styles, and I have known that one needs to be overly confident and not get ahead of themselves. But I just hope my first time with her won't be a disaster; I just hope. But I sure will be nervous, especially the fear of not making it to the extent of her liking. I guess I need experience.

"Okay, how, where.., the experience?" I asked Charles.

"As you have already messed with the tailor by making her have feelings, that will be hard. You can't let her have you, brother. Nothing is worse than a woman being obsessed with you, especially one whom you have no liking for," he stated, and then after a long silence added, "I know someone. I know one who will. She might almost kill you, but it will be worth it."

"What do you mean by kill?" I stated.

"She will teach you what a woman needs. You don't want to disappoint the princess," he stated.

"What's the climax of a woman?" I asked.

"That's never for me to answer. I know she will do that for you," he stated, and I found myself thinking of nothing but the princess and me. I had never thought of her naked, and remembering that kiss, I somehow thought of how it would feel with her lips on mine, and I felt the rush of blood. I just have to stop thinking of her, or else I might not control myself when I see her. She suddenly became everything. God, Princess Diana... there's always something about princesses