WILLOCK 68

"Have you found Ezron?" I asked.

"South city, near Tigris. He is selling corn and has a bakery there. You shall find him," the spy I had sent told me.

Currently, it has been already two days after the ballroom. Father has already handed me much of the work in the Lake, and it seems he has already changed much of his belongings into my name. I guess I am finally really getting married.

"The priest wants a seminar, your lordship." I just nodded. The father, of course, he has to give me lectures on how to raise my children into the Christian way of life, and how to act as a man as I embark on this journey of marriage. It was always guaranteed that both the man and wife shall be given teachings separately until the day after marriage when they shall finally be baptized into the new awakening of their life. My schedule was the tightest I had ever found myself in. I had so many paperwork to sign, in addition to knowing how many swords the smith men had made, how many that would be refurnished, knowing how many people had not paid their taxes in this small town, in addition to knowing all the workings of the hotel. It seemed like a timetable of events that I needed to follow, and now the father. Why do we need any teachings anyway? I had not confessed my sins in more than ten years to seven down the line. If I am to confess today, then I shall be lying to him, because some sins are not chosen to be outspoken in public. It might lead to me ending up in the most agonizing debt, so I will just do the seminar and be taught about the livelihood of Christianity and values. After, come back fast and set a boat to the Lake of Tigris to meet Ezron.

I feel Ezron knew the lands of Wales better. As you remember, he had stated to me once that his father used to take him on various adventures, meaning he knew all the shallows and depths. Additionally, he was no royal to walk on a horse, meaning all adventures were on foot, hence they had to master the road quite significantly to avoid getting lost or falling into the hands of some unrealistic barons who want taxes from anything they find in their lands. I guess I shall first deal with the collectors.

However, to be truthful, I am quite anxious and not knowing. I know, at this point if someone was in my place, he would be searching for the Barons to help him with ideas and at least to formulate a strong bond. There is nothing worse than ruling over Barons who do not seem to have a liking for you. You set yourself into doom if you do so, that thing I learned from father. Every time the Barons in Bavdon seemed not to agree with his decision, he sure never found even the slightest peaceful sleep. He was always embracing his beer as he awaited hearings in every parliamentary sit. Anyway, who knew I would ever have so much consideration and involvement in government issues? I always thought that father would just give me this Lake of Tigris, and brother would take over as Duke. Oh my, and the Viscount had sent me a signal that I am to meet him exactly today in the city square store, near Times Square, to speak and have some one-on-one talks. The day was sure to be busy. Or should I postpone my trip to Wales? But I had already paid the boatman and gave him the perfect time. I sure would not make it. I sure would not. I guess I shall go tomorrow, or I should write to Ezron. Maybe that would be easier, so that when I finally arrive there, he will not be surprised by my unexpected visit. I shall have given him an idea.

"Tell the guards to prepare the carriage. We head to London."

"What about the boat? It is yet to arrive."

"Here, take this. You shall give it to the man and make sure he delivers it to the person," I had already crafted a letter to be given to Ezron.

 Ezron 9924: WALES. From Willock, the Duke's son.

I write seeking a word. I hear you arrived safely in Wales. I too did. 

Apologies for leaving abruptly, but my fate was aligned and my stars were on a different course than yours.

I seek a word the day after tomorrow evening at an inn of your choosing. 

Privacy should be kept, brother. I write no more.

 I believe it is you I am in speech with. I have much to say, but a lone letter, not sure of its sail, is not the most private of message deliveries. Greet ma, tell her, I shall be back soon. 

Willock.

I believed I was precise and clear. However, I did not want to spill all the beans, for maybe the Ezron they thought to be maybe he was not. After giving him the letter, I headed to the room where I slept, took one of my warm coats, for I knew my return today would be the most ambiguous and strange of thoughts. When I suddenly saw the piece of paper near my lantern's midnight light, I had spent the previous night writing to her. I hope she loved the first piece I wrote. I believe this is better. It stated:

I was in fight within myself, but with you all my fights turned out different. 

Are all the princesses worth fighting for? I believe yes,

 Because you are the fight in heights above my sights. 

Forever grateful, love, My princess, 

the only reasons I seek not to fall asleep this nigh' 

 Willock.

I had made a word unto her that I shall put the steps of showing her what kind of love I have and the type of person I was. I know at some point when I am too busy and tired, the nights of writing will be gone, but at least she will have seen the part of me that overly embraces her presence and sees her in the light that maybe no one else has ever. As for me, no one else looks at me in the eyes as she does. It almost feels like a dream, a dream that I seek to never wake up from. I dread the days when those eyes never look at me. A part of me shall die, and I shall be left in the utmost hollow of sadness and pain, the pains that only mankind who can't get over the woman of their dreams always walks by with. I know that pain, that pain where breathing feels more like thorns on your ribcage, the pain where anything that would ease it will become the first taste on your breath, despite how toxic and unwanting that thing should be. I felt that pain, that time when she left me in that hotel with Amir, she crashed my walls. Maybe someday, I will tell her, that night was the worst night I had ever lived, and I hope never to live such kind of life, never should, and I pray no one should.

So, I took the piece of writing, placed it in a well Duke-edited white envelope, and set out. It was time to meet London.

The journey to London was never long in comparison to London and Bavdon. I called out to the carriage man, and after he set me in the large cathedral in the middle of London, I gave him the letter and told him to make sure it reaches the princess's guards, who shall deliver it to her. I knew he had his own love interest in one of the princess's guards. It was horrible thinking about two men having the same interests and love for each other. It just felt despicable, or maybe I was being too inconsiderate toward them. But what makes one lose feelings and not enjoy the tenderness of a woman's body? However, I never judged him, I did in my brain, but I never acted as if I knew anything. I just wanted to keep it as that. If he were to be known, his sentence would be far worse than a bastard's. At least for bastards, they could somehow get away with it, but for these other love interests that defy even nature's yearnings, society does not forgive. They are stripped naked in front of all the women and men in London, set on a horse-drawn carriage with their hands tied, and pulled like lifeless pieces of trash. Later, they are given a trial to test their intimacy with a flower girl, and if they cannot find themselves interested in the girl, their fate is none other than being burned alive. I wondered why this guard would accept to take this type of risk. If Father knew, he would surely torment him in the same fate as others. Honestly, I never condoned such behavior. It never made sense to me. Even on my educational journeys, I kept away from men with such unethical behaviors, but I still handled them as my brothers and as humans. I just never wanted much engagement with them. Maybe I was suddenly being culturalistic, but I guess there is no bigger picture other than that. Maybe someday in the next century, they shall be given the free will to walk on the streets without fear of being banished, tarnished, and alive set on fire. Maybe, just maybe, but not today. Anyway, as long as the guard gave me the services I needed, whatever he needed with his free time was not much of my business. I just hoped he was more careful. I might not be able to save him from societal wrath. They really do not forgive such acts. They really do not.

I met the father in the cathedral, doing his fatherly duties. I had not gone to mass for some while. Ever since my leave for Iraq, I had become fond of the Islamic culture to the extent I was starting to get drawn to switching cultures, but Father would be really sad if I were to do such a thing.

"Your seminars start in a few. Visit the next room to wash your sins." This meant I was set for confession. May God save my sins, but I am not to confess some sins, especially that of the kisses. The kiss I gave the princess, the fact that we were alone, were the things these fathers looked for and canceled most weddings. They would state that the couple were not ready for loyalty or they sought much time to enjoy their youths. I just hope the princess does not dare say that. And if she does, no one, even the church, can stop me from marrying her, even though it means visiting the churches in Wales to be married, I shall, even the king can do so. However, all this happened when mostly the bride was found not innocent, and I knew the princess was. Those were the things they were always taught: innocent. Why was I nervous? It was always something that happened to me in the face of the confession room. It just felt like God was looking at me in the face of a man. Maybe those were the reasons why I hated doing this, but I needed to do it for the princess. Okay, I am scared it won't work out. This priest might be weird.

"Father," I stated, before I started heading to the room, and he turned.

"I seek not to confess today. I shall make mine after my wedding day. My sins of being a bastard seize my pleasures of confession. I am already a sin by default," I stated, and I saw the worry in his face.

"My son, why say such words?"

"I am a sin, father. All confessions can never wash away the person I am. They can never. I am born of sin. I am a sin... so please don't make it hard for me to confess on the sins I never took much part of confessing and making," He looked at me, came closer to me, placed a hand on my head, made a little prayer, and then stated, "May the Lord wash you from the weights this earth beseeched unto you. May the Lord give you peace in all that you think of. May the Lord have mercy unto you. May the Lord protect your next chapter with abundant and prosperous harvests, may none of your descendants carry the burdens as your shoulders do. May you find peace. May you find peace." Afterwards, he asked me to recite the Our Father prayer and then sent me right out to the seminar.

I guess when I'm nervous, I try my best to evade the uncomfortable situation, unless it involves a woman. How can you ignore the discomfort of wanting a beautiful woman, and the nervousness of seeking ways, ideas, and charms to make her like you and capture her attention? For me, it is always with the princesses, it is always them.