Act I

I spoke to her for the first time one evening, she was visiting a friend, until that evening I had only studied her, she was neither fat nor thin but if I had to decide I would say she had shapes, long brown hair, brown eyes and a face that didn't go out of pattern made her look normal.

That evening I decided to find out more about her, I had found the perfect opportunity, she was sitting in a corner and seemed lost.

-You want to dance?

-Sure!

I took her hand and we went to the dance floor. We were totally out of the dance, but we loved it, it felt weird in a good way. I was looking at her face and wondering what she was thinking, she was taller than me, she was looking around not at me, I don't know why. In the end she gets tired and we decide to stop dancing for a while.

I'm officially getting to know her.

- I'm David!

- I'm Elena, Elena Szasz!

-Hmmm and what do you like Elena?

-I like animals and anime.

- I like anime too.

-Yes, what are your favorites?

-Top three are Kaichou wa maid-sama, Code Geas and Death Note.

-I saw the first episodes of kaichou wa maid-sama.

-You don't know what you're missing...

I had found someone who had the same passion for anime as I did. I felt blessed. I instantly thought of the time when, in the future, we would visit Japan together, especially Akihabara, the mecca of anime.

I was happy, my heart had begun to beat strongly, she tells me to let it rest a little. During this time I surprise my senses with alcohol and cigarettes. They say that these are vanities, but everyone is full of vanities. Alcohol was my vice. It gave me a state of peace, of spiritual liberation.

She didn't like it, she didn't like me drinking or smoking, she thought I was a delinquent. I don't let her push me away, I play the jester, I've worn it all my life, I'm pretty good at it. Sometimes I think though that it became my face and then I ask myself: ,,What was my face?,, The only thing that comes to mind is that I never had anything like that, that I am just an empty shell.

I calm her, I receive the name of a fourth of a quarter of a gentleman. I thank her, I tell her that I am satisfied with anything, but I am not... I am greedy, extremely greedy.

I stick to her, I make things up, analyzing her nature and thinking what she would like to hear...

I was delirious, exaggerating in gestures and stories. Her bright , clean nature , without of vice, attracted me like fire. I was the insect that when it sees a fire can only go towards it and die. Too bright , too hot and I too dirty and dark.

She had conquered me, I wanted her ardently. I wanted to bite into it until there was nothing left. Every time I want to bite someone, it's because I feel close to them, the bite is the proof of my affection at that moment. When I delight in vanity I tend to become more open, loving nature to everything that surrounds it.

I had to stop these habits, I had to get away a little. I told her I was going to the store, I had run out of drink. I go out into the light of the night, groping in the semi-darkness, my head full of a thousand thoughts...

I drink beer, dark beer, it's my favorite of beers and cigarettes to make sure I don't run out.

On the way back, I see the stars, I pass a bridge, under this bridge a river crosses, it's so soothing, it calls me, I sit by the river, lie on the grass and start drinking and smoking thinking about the beauty stars and how bright they can shine even if they are alone, even if the next star is billions of years away. It is said that most of the stars that we see in the night sky no longer exist by the time we look at them, they are long dead and yet so bright.

-What are you doing?

-I was waiting for you.

-I'm glad.

I had found her in the place where I had left her, she was still there, she was supposed to leave the next morning. We fell asleep on a couch, my head touching hers.

The next day before she left I bought her flowers, roses. The moment she saw the flowers she was pleasantly surprised.

- You said you don't know how to surprise a girl!

-That's right, but this is the thing I felt I wanted to do.

-Thank you, they are cute! As she tells me this she hugs me.

I stayed like that for a few moments ...

Before she left we agreed to keep in touch.

As I watched the car drive away, a feeling of emptiness and abandonment was trying me! How can one moment feel so much and be overwhelmed by it and then nothing, as if it never existed, only the memory remains.

It was the week before Easter. The image of Szasz appeared in my mind every day. I want to see her but I had responsibilities. I had to be a support for my brothers (my parents had died, I was studying acting in LA, and I lived in New York), I occupied my time with chores around the house, so I didn't have time to think. Every day I sent her a message saying ,,how are you,, and every day she told me that,,,good,,. Every day of that week I drank and smoked to stop thinking.

My body was numb, the fact that I was busy helped me only a little. I couldn't forget , I was possessed by her idea.

On Easter, as the eldest in the family, I went to light a candle at the grave of my parents and ancestors. The connection with the past left me with a sense of stability, of continuity.

I feel dizzy, the next thing I remember is that I was on a stretcher and there were several people around me, I was in a hallway, the light was diffused, I didn't know what was wrong with me, I fell asleep. I wake up and realize I'm in the hospital.

I never liked the white walls and the smell of medicine, they always foreshadowed something bad...

After a few minutes the doctor entered.

- Do you know how you got here?

-No, I just know that I was at church, lighting candles and praying and then everything went black.

-Sir, you passed out, someone noticed you and called 911, that's why you're here.

-I understand.

-Sir, do you have someone who could come to the hospital for you?

- I have no one, I'm alone!

-I understand, well sir you are dying!

-What!

- Yes, sir, from our analyzes it appears that you have a tumor on the brain, you can die at any moment, that's why it is necessary to do an operation, with this operation there is a chance that you will survive, they are very small, in proportion to twenty percent to succeed, they are better than nothing.

-And if I don't do the operation, I will sure die?

-Yes, sir.

-I would like to think a little before making a decision...

- Of course sir, but remember the sooner the better.

After saying this he left me alone.

I couldn't believe it, I was dying, the one with so many dreams, the one who hoped to reach Broadway, to leave something behind me, a legacy in the world of theater and film...

,,Ooh providence I know I have no talent , I'm poor and ugly, I've never had anything and I've always lost, but I've worked hard to become who I am today, I'm only twenty years old, an acting student, I struggled to get here, me the one without mother and father, me the one with family responsibilities, me the one whose hardships only strengthened him, now when I feel that my dreams could become reality...

Why do you want to bury me, haven't I suffered enough? Didn't I pay for every mistake? Are you telling me that everything I've done is in vain? Ooh God then why are you still left on this earth? Could I not have been born and thus not have known the pain? Ooh you providence, Ooh you universe, Ooh you karma when will you return...,,

While I was saying all this, I was walking around the room, raising my hands in the air, hoping that the heavens would listen to me... I stopped by the window, it was a clear, cloudless night, the moon and stars were shining brightly as if in spite of me, the fact that I will soon die out. I burst into tears, my legs tremble and I drop to my knees, I cry passionately, I cry like I have never cried before. I cover my face with my hands, I try to calm down, but it takes me even harder, streams of whole tears run down my cheek.

I cry choked with hiccups as if I were only a few years old, shame on me, an adult crying like a baby. We all die, but I felt that I was going too fast, that it was not my time yet. I curse the heavens, I tell myself that Nietzsche is right, God is dead, and in this world of solitude I am alone.

" I will fight, I will do the operation, but before I die, I have to live"

After a few moments the doctor returns.

-Well what is your answer?

- Doctor, I want to do the operation, but not now, but in three days!

-In three days? Why then ?

-Because doctor, I want to live in these three days as I have never lived in my entire life!

-I understand, that's how we'll do it then.

The doctor leaves. I was free to do what I wanted, so I call Szasz, tell her everything and ask her if she wants to spend the next three days with me. She accept.