Chapter 109: Busnsilmul (Lost & Found)

I made my way to see both siblings the next day after a long previous days of talking, arguments, food and even more talking until Hwi told me that he would think about it, only to be told that Yeon had already left as soon as her brother went away on another mission for something she wouldn't tell me about. But from the look on her face I could tell that she was up to something again. And I hadn't seen her or heard from her in a month and now she was gone again? What was going on? Did I do something wrong? Why wasn't she coming to see me? Didn't she know how much I had missed her? Didn't she miss me at all? Why was she running away from me? There were rumours of her whereabouts flying all over the place once the villagers had discovered exactly what the Seo's had done in the palace...and I tried, I swear that I tried to stay away from her at one point in time...after everything that I had put her through, but her absence was torturing me until I could take it no longer. I needed her by my side if I wanted to breathe, eat and sleep again. Her constant presence around me that I once had doubts about and even ashamedly doubted now all haunted me in almost every single waking moment that I had. Every single day I could hear her footsteps behind me like when she used to follow us before her memory loss, or her calling out to me to try some new dish that she had invented in the kitchen or her serving me tea every evening as her way of checking up on me I had now realised...she only wanted what was best for me, and the only thing I could do to repay her kindness was with was to distance myself and dared to think of another woman who was never mine whilst Yeon was suffering 100 different torments that I had no idea about. I abandoned her emotionally when she was always there for me no matter what mood I was on or what I was facing...even if I didn't deserve to get her again, I had to at least try to repay everything that she did for me...and simultaneously try not to get caught up in my anger that was only growing day by day. She had every right to leave my side...so why was I this angry about it? Why did I feel so immensely different about her compared to everyone else? Hwi needed more time but I knew he would come around eventually like he always would so it was natural that he needed more time to figure things out but why did I feel...like I was entitled to Yeon? Like she was a possession of mine? I had made myself different from my father in all aspects and I actually genuinely respected women but Yeon...maybe it was because I knew her almost for the entirely of my life and the fact that she chose to stay by my side.

"My Lord!" Hwa-Wol wouldn't help but to let out a small scream when she saw me waiting for in the dark. I had already gone through her things to find any trace of Yeon after she had done a day's work in the brothel helping the madame since she now had a man and continuing being a kiseng was out of the question for her. "Do not call me that, it makes me very uncomfortable." "But...didn't you want..." "I do not want people in my circle addressing me as such." "But... I am not..." "You are part of the man's life who saved me in the war and follows my best friend around, so you are a part of my circle. And do not give me any nonsense about your profession and how the law forbids our class to mix, you had no say in being born into this brothel just like I didn't get a say in my own birthright and how my father used it against me." She shot me a grateful look and I gave her one in return as I invite her to sit down next to me. "Thank you for the gifts my lord, but it is too much...I cannot accept." "Do not worry, I am not courting your or bribing you. You received these gifts that I have not spent a penny on as a gesture of good will, because you already know what I want, do you not? And you know that I have the power to help the man who saved my life by returning the favour to him righteously; he is a hard working man who is trying to set up his own business to buy your freedom, buy a home for you and have an income for the family that you want to raise, isn't that correct?" "My Lord..." "Hwa-Wol listen to me, I know that you know about my past with hai and that you have helped care for him on your man's behalf. And I have no idea what Yeon has told you about it, but I am sure that you know how my mistakes came about, right?" "It was your father's fault." "And I'm sure that you have witnessed yourself how much I have protected Yeon, looked after her myself and provided for her?" "Yes." I went on to tell her the same fears that I told Hwi about Yeon being away from me and it honestly didn't take much for me to convince her to keep me informed about Yeon's movements, her letters, her secret visits home and so on. I wanted daily reports about her so I knew when the best time was for me to swoop in.

"Hwa-Wol, I want your help with one more thing. Rest assured, if you help me with this, I will give you enough money to buy your freedom. But as you know, Yeon isn't the only person I am worried about..." "You want Moon-Bok to spy on Hwi for you, don't you?" "The third prince is a regular in this place isn't he? And he has been for some time, isn't that correct? You are more aware of his personality than anyone else, and you must know that no matter how much he favours Hwi today, he could turn out to be his enemy tomorrow due to his paranoia. And you know if that happens, Hui-Jee will be heartbroken and that Moon-Bok will most likely follow him in death after everything that he owes him, all the men will." "My Lord?" "Bang-Won is trying to distance us since we are on opposing sides in the court, and he will most definitely do everything he can to kill me, if not now then later. He may even use Yeon as hostage again and force Hwi to kill me. As for the men he brought with him, they have all gotten promotions right? He will either entice them to follow him or kill them with Hwi if he disobeys him. Then what happens to the women here? To you? Your friend? And even Yeon?" I was only telling Hwa-Wol the truth, even if it came with a little manipulation by using her man against her. And I knew that Hwi wasn't stupid, in fact his intelligence that raised amidst my father's plot really took me by surprise; he knew everything I was saying was true as well, he just didn't have a way out since now all of his enemies were going to use his own sister against him for probably the rest of their lives.

"...so only if you have Yeon as your concubine, no one can use her against Seo Hwi?" "Who said anything about taking her in as a concubine?" I didn't even realise that I had said that out aloud until I saw the shocked look on Hwa-Wol's face that actually made me blush for the first time in a long time. "What?" "She must really mean a lot to you for you to do so much just to get her back." I smiled at her words but in my heart I could not forget the anger I had against her as well; only if I had Yeon by my side would I get all of the answers that I needed about my past so I could move on with my future in the palace, and...

Even then I still didn't fully understand how much she had affected me until I personally started hiring people to follow every single rumour to find her. I felt cold again like I always used to and it felt like time had completely stopped. In one of my loneliest and drunken days I somehow managed to draw a picture of her as best as I could and I kept it with me at all times. I had to show them in order to find her as I knew that Yeon always wanted to keep a low profile about her father. I didn't even know if she would use her name or not but I was beginning to loose my morals everyday that she had left. I was becoming numb, dark and even beaming shadow of what my father once was which I feared the most. I couldn't go on like this and loose everything that I had worked my entire life for my own personal issues...if only I saw her once then maybe I could begin my senses...yes...just once glimpse of her should set everything right. And that was if I could manage to leave my home in peace. Da-In had nothing to do all day but to cause trouble from the minute that Yeon left. I still hadn't made her my wife like I promised, I was too busy going out of my mind missing Yeon to pay attention to her and even her family had been around to see me a few times, highly upset that I had notably failed to save my father and his reputation. And they weren't too happy that I was spending my money on vices in the gibang instead of food and other provisions that my home needed, but it was the only way that I could carry on and try to get news about Yeon. Sooner or later, she couldn't take it anymore and she left of her own accord...just in time for me to bring Yeon home...

I had my men searching for Yeon every single day until I finally found someone who they said looked like her a lot. I got on my horse straight from the palace and I rode into a nearby village into an etiquette class for women that her brother had apparently placed her in. I could already imagine the bored look other face after everything she had just done...but what I wasn't expecting was her new look at all. I had to blink a couple of times to make sure that I want't seeing things but she had already changed her entire appearance again; her hair was loosely tied, her clothes fitted her slim figure perfectly, and she barely wore any makeup which actually didn't make a difference at all. She had become more tan like her brother since they both hated being indoors, and it just accentuated her features more that I had never even noticed before. She had a cute button nose, dark eyebrows that really highlighted her fair skin which was just so soft like silk. And she always wore a flowery perfume that was perfectly subtle that always caught my attention. I immediately called out to her once I made myself known to the madame and the other women who looked flustered to see me but I couldn't even look at anyone else. She well and truly captured me the minute she laid her soft eyes on me that showed nothing but kindness and empathy.