Secret Place Part 1

I laid in my bed happily. It was time for bed, but I had to write in the journal. The last thing I wanted was for me to forget.

The last person before me never continued his journal, and I would not do that as well. I leaned up and took the pen and journal off my side table.

I reminisced on the day, then flipped over to write about it in my journal.

This morning I woke up with those roots Granny talked about. I wondered what the purpose of the roots were, for it was pure fire. It had calmed down since night has fallen, but I was on the verge of the tears throughout a lot of the day.

It's a burden holding your emotions in. Knowing that you are going to die was such a weight, because as much as you may want to just wallow in your own mourning, it just always felt so urgent. You could have said it was like I had to get this done right now or I really had not wanted to disturb this energy. It felt like that, that I had to make sure this good energy. Those lovely moments had not fallen away into mourning.

Having the strength to push through was now a regular part of my life and I had to admit, I was proud of myself for that.

Yeah, there's a part of it that helped keeping me going. Falling into your own grief can be so terrifying. You felt lifeless, basically death, while you're alive, but it's mostly heavy. It's like walking around with a certain resistance in the air, like you're pulling yourself forward, but some invisible thing is pushing you back.

That's how I felt today. Don't get me wrong. I still enjoyed the day. I wanted to have fun today; I got what I wanted. But it was also really hard.

Like after hugging for a while, Bella took me to this little secret nook, a place in the forest hidden by tall grass and trees. On my many trips with Joel, I had never noticed this place.

Thinking about it, I can reason Joel had not known this place. It was a fitting possibility, considering Joel never mentioned it to us. If he had seen this place, he would have, because I saw some wonderful things there.

I just had to tell you. It was a little way from her backyard. We had to walk a bit. And Bella was so excited to show me this place that she ran at full speed with such energy and I felt bad for not being able to match her energy.

Joel would have laughed at me, but his imaginary laughter was tolerable to his actual one. I mean, it's not her fault; she didn't know that I was in physical pain. Guilt seeped in just thinking of the prospect that I felt about pulling down the energy of the surrounding people.

I wanted the energy to remain high and positive.

Anyway, when I finally came upon this place, I thought the tall grass and trees were already pretty cool since it gave off these vibes that reminded me of swamp. No water was nearby to back up my assumptions, just the dry landscape.

I was not prepared for what came next.

We parted the grass and entered. It seemed to be a garden, but it was grander, like some little secret forest. Blooms of different colors and shapes, the smell of the flowers, snuck into my consciousness and sent me on a high.

It was amazing. The grass was a light tinge of green, dewy with its gentle pose. It smelled strong and had my nose sniffling with its amazing aura. I was so happy that we went there. It was like the garden of serenity or something.

There were pink, blue, white, yellow, purple, red, orange, and indigo flowers. It was stunning. When we first arrived there, I saw the biggest brown rabbit I had ever seen in my life. It was half my size. Bella introduced me to the rabbit as Sir Phillipe.

I laughed when I recalled this memory and continued to write.

Back then I said, "I mean, who calls a rabbit Sir Phillipe?"

"I do," she said. Her thumb gestured at herself. Bella's head went up in pride. I had to admire her, but the name was weird. I looked down at the rabbit.

Its mouth moved like it was eating something. Either that or it was smarting at me. Then again, I cannot be sure about the expressions of a rabbit, so who was I to judge.

I motioned to the rabbit. "You take care of it?"

She nodded her head and agreed with a curt moan. "I found him once I found this place." She waved her arms up and turned in joy. "This is his home."

I stooped before it and rubbed its head. "Sound more like your home."

Bella chuckled. "Yes, it's my special little place."

Sir Phillipe whipped its head from under my palm and ran off. I called, "Hey." Bella laughed as I jogged after it, then I regretted my decision. I should have run, because that rabbit left in the dust and gone just like that.

Curses, that rabbit was fast. I saw it disappear behind large light pine-colored petals that were huge and I had this odd compulsion to sit on.

Stepping up to them, there was this lingering scent that almost made my eyes closed. I had to shake my head to refocus on the task at hand.