17 - LUCA

"You look scared, Costello," Zara murmured, cocking her head to the side.

I couldn't believe that this was happening.

Just my fucking chances.

The first and only time I'd ever been in love…

And it was the sister of the woman who had been murdered.

I felt so fucking terrible in this moment. So fucking terrible.

Zara stared at me with such anger, such hatred…

That it was like she truly believed I was a monster.

The Grim fucking Reaper.

"Z – Zara…" I whispered, convulsing.

My whole body trembling into a frenzy.

Knowing that there was nothing I could possibly say or do to rectify this situation.

She wouldn't believe a word that came out of my mouth…

Not after what she'd just read.

"Got anything to say for yourself, Costello?" she gritted through clenched teeth, her eyes welling with tears.

Keeping her hand firm on the gun, pointing it straight at my forehead.

Any second now, she could pull the trigger…

And my brains would be blown out all over the floor.

I would be dead…

But in a fucked-up way, I couldn't blame her.

I knew that I was no good for her from the jump. From the second I fucking laid eyes on her.

Maybe this was the price I had to pay for the fucked-up life I lived.

For all of the people I'd killed…

All of the hurt I'd caused.

All of the pain I couldn't undo.

Maybe I was stupid…

Delusional…

A fucking fool…

To believe that happily ever after's existed for bastards like me.

For criminals like me.

I could feel Evelina's words burn into the back of my mind, as I remembered her walking in on me fucking a broad the night I shot down Tariq Iqbal.

"You bastard," she whispered coldly, slapping me hard across the face. "You deserve everything that's coming to you. You killed your father. Don't you ever fucking forget that. A man like your father dead, and a monster like you alive… It isn't right. It isn't fucking right."

I screwed my face, burning. Feeling utterly and completely at loss.

"I've been dancing with the devil for too long, and in the end, I got burned," Evelina mourned. "You had your chance with me, Luca. You're going to die alone. Die miserable. Die with nobody loving you. You push everyone away. Ruin every good thing that happens to you. I'm going to find a man who treats me right, loves me for who I am. Doesn't expect me to conform to a world I know nothing about. Doesn't treat me like a cheap whore, or sleeps with other women, while claiming to want to be with me."

She turned on her heel, making her way out of the room, her eyes bloodshot, her face swollen. She stopped at the door, and turned around for a split moment, looking at me dead in my eyes.

"One day, you're going to fall in love with a woman, and she's not gonna love you back. And you'll realize that no amount of money and pittance you have to offer is ever going to make her feel the same way about you," Evelina murmured. "How can anybody love you? How can anybody love such a pathetic excuse for a man? You deserve to die."

And then she walked away, leaving me dithering in her wake.

Knowing that she was telling the truth.

Knowing that she was right.

Knowing that she meant every.

Single.

Word.

It was like my fate had been written from the fucking beginning.

Evelina had predicted my future.

Predicted my misfortune.

And I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't fucking breathe.

"Zara, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," I trembled.

I didn't kill her sister. I wasn't responsible. In fact, I'd tried to avenge her. By killing her husband for leaving her alone there…

By allowing Fizz to kill Massimo.

The motherfucker responsible for shooting her and her kids.

But I knew that she wouldn't believe me. It was the fact of the matter that I was part of the Cosa Nostra.

I lived by them.

Stayed loyal to them my whole damn life.

"Zara, I know you'll have a hard time believing me, but I didn't kill your sister," I convulsed, my eyes fogging with tears, needing to fight my corner. Not being able to bear the thought of fucking losing her. The only good thing that happened to me in my life. "I love you. I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I would never kill innocents. Never…"

"ENOUGH!" she screamed bloody murder, sobbing manically, as the gun shook in her hands. "You lied to me, Luca! You fucking lied to me! You didn't tell me the truth about anything! You know so much about me… Yet I know nothing about you. Nothing about the real you."

She trailed off her sentence, quivering, her tears pit-pattering onto the floor in tiny little droplets.

The sounds echoing across the room.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Causing every single one of my hairs to stand on edge, as I watched her dithering, in her shaken, psychotic state.

"I didn't kill her, Zara. You have to believe me. I wouldn't lie to you. We've been through so much… You have to believe me…"

I mourned, feeling utterly and completely at loss.

"How can I believe you?" she seethed, rattling, her voice dropping to barely below a whisper. "When you killed your own father?"

I felt my heart stop inside of my chest, as my eyes continued to fog with tears.

Knowing that I deserved every.

Single.

Word.