Chapter -3

July 10

Dear diary ,I know that I said, that yesterday was a hell. But today has been no good.

I had been stuck on my bed & informed that being being sick like this was normal .

It was normal to bleed every month. And I had just started that 'The monthly bloody Mary.'

I do not understand the point.

Aunt told me that it was necessary , that 'Monthly' was a good thing. It will mean that I can have babies.

Well, do babies need my blood to born? how , absurd!

What if I don't want babies? Will it stop then?

I can't explain how uncomfortable the diapers have been. How humiliating it was to find out I would be wearing them again !

Then again. Fred does not need to wear dipars.

Fred will not have monthly.

He is a boy .

Only girls get it.

I am not going to do this for long. I can't even ask advice to Gratel.

Because Gratel is also a guy. And I am not allowed to go outside to play till am done with the "Monthly".

I am sure that this is a sickness.

All the girls probably get sick in this age to bleed from there. Why are they acting like it's normal?

We need a Cure for this!

Besides. I don't know why I can't go outside. Is it contagious? Will the boys get 'monthly' if they get touched by a 'monthly' girl?

I have never been grounded for a week.

Is this my fault?

"So when does this monthly thing end?" "When you get wrinkles", aunt has informed me.

That was why I had a clip pinch my cheek the whole morning, so that I can get wrinkles faster.

"Stupid ,"Isabel's voice was small but not small enough that I could miss it. "What? I need it to end faster. what if I now out of blood at this state?," I had told her .

"Then, I would be dead before you" Isabel told me & yanked the clip away painfully.

"Ow !,"I have complained." Why are you torturing a sick person?"

"You are not sick, this is normal", Isabel has rolled her eyes ," I think that we have learned enough about digestive tracts for now , it is high time you learn something about female reproduction, if that is what will make you stop being so dramatic ."

Says the one who closes herself in her room in 'monthly' time.

I never knew about this 'monthly' before. I always thought that Isabella gets possessed by Satan once a month.

Even aunt is scared of her during those times.

Anyway. I am still waiting for my family to tell me that they had lied. There is just a big leech stuck there in my downstairs. My family just made nonsense story about how girls are sick forever & bleed every month for the rest of their lives just to have babies later.

Hell, aunt told me that even having babies do not stop the blood coming back every month.

Only winkles do.

I don't think that I can do this for the rest of my life .Everyone is lying about it .

Even the books .

I sobbed my eyes out yesterday over the hormones and funny looking pictures and graphs about puberty and ' monthly '. I also missed my appointment with Gratel. How am I supposed to kill someone when I am dying myself:

In the evening aunt brought me something that was murkey, d cold & bitter. I & medicines were never friends.

We would never be. But it helped with the pain and I fell asleep after that.

I could have hear my sister & aunt talking beside my bed after that.

"Finally the devil is off to dream," aunt was saying "I can not believe that Anne is all grown up now ."

"Barely," Isabel said "But we should start looking few suitors. We don't want her marriage to be late like mine."

"It's time she stops having meeting the mayor's son and starts taking classes," aunt said,"I remember when you had your first monthly, Isabel. You were so calm unlike your dramatic sister."

"My mother taught me everything before she left," Isabel said," To Anne, you are the only mother."

I can not

Isabel sounded strange.

Almost as if she was disappointed.

"I can not be a woman like Margaret .Margaret was a scholar, brilliant among her peers, but she was a failure as a mother and wife," aunt's voice was scornful," I will not fill your heads with empty dreams like Margaret would, but I would have you two live a proper life. get married to a good household & find stability."

Isabel laughs as if aunt has pointed out something very funny," Well good luck with Anne, then."

"As long as I could handle you, Isabel, Anne is not a threat at all."

"Careful," Isabel's voice drops, "Children in this age are sensitive so much."

"They say cruel things. They hurt and get hurt by others,"aunt agrees with her, "Since they do not know the consequence of their words & action. They are baby birds who has just grown feathers but do not know they can fall & break wings if they try to fly before the time is right!"

"That the time should be right" Isabel Sighs, "Why don't you check on Fred, now? He needs food if he wants to survive your punishment"

"Fred needs to know the consequence, the Children never understand that they can get burnt if they touch the fire."

"I hope Anne learns it sooner," Isabel says,"Aunt, if possible would you mind checking on the little lady?"

"Don't use honorifics for her. Isabel," I could hear aunt getting up," After the marriage, it will be you as the as the Lady of the house."

No need to be rude but if they were going to have a discussion they could have as well do it outside the room of a dying person.

Last summer, when Fred scrapped his knees ,the whole house had to be quiet when he would sleep.

And here, they were talking casually , in the room of a girl who is bleeding painfully for two whole days.

In the dawn I woke up.

Isabel & aunt were gone.

The napkin they had provided to me was all wet. I had to change it I did not stain my sheets.

My thighs ached and my legs trembled I changed into a newer one. Aunt had warned me that she would just show me once, how to wear it with the waist belt.

I supposed it was not as much complicated as I had thought.

Thanks to Isabel's notes, I followed the steps well.

The last step was to wash the previous napkin.

Ugh.

I was already in so much body ache and still I had to wash the icky stuff.

I watched the blood run down the drain feeling pity about myself.

Aunt had told me to wash the napkins properly, or else there will be a bug-nest downstairs.

As I watched the piece of cloth float in the boiling water, I felt pathetic.

To be honest I had never thought myself as a girl. Or different from Fred at that. Now look at me being so careful with every steps. Anxiety bubbled in my throat, about the thought of being growing up.

I sat on our back lawn, at far I could see the farmers had woke up already. But our house was still asleep.

"I thought that there was a ghost at the lawn!"

I jumped up at the voice like Gwahhhhhh!!!!

The fairy stood at a corner, she was wearing a night gown same

as mine, but it looked much better on her.

"Also ,I did not get introduced to you yesterday", she came to sit beside me," Do you mind to share the peace and tranquility of the morning with me ?"

Even the way she spoke was so sweet.

I did not understand why aunt did not like her.

Now that she was without the make-up, she seemed to be of just a little older than I was," Lord Darwin hinted that I would find a friend in Robin's house, initially I thought that he was talking about Isabel, but now I think that it was about you?"

Honestly, I never had a female friend in my life, well, except Gratel, he should be atleast be considered fifty percent female

for wearing a skirt.

In fact ,Gratel had been my only friend for a long time.

"Then would you friend?" I did not know if I was doing it sight, I was nervous like I was asking for her hand in marriage.

"If I had not wanted to be your friend, them I would not talk to you like this ," she smiled vibrantly," I have a gift for you to celebrate our friendship & your first 'monthly' ."

Haha.

Whole town must have known by now that I, the great Annabelle Robin had her first 'monthly'.

She brought out a dark piece of food. "You should you this in your 'mouthly'."

"Medicine again?," I swallowed bitterly.

"No something better," she broke the thing with her teeth into two and gave it to me.

It was bitter.

But it was good bitter. How do I say it?

It was as if I was getting consolation, no matter how hard it was now, it was going to get better.

"It's chocolate,"my new friend explained, "It's my ritual to have some of these each time I start my monthly, so that I am not sad about the pain."

My heart melted.

I would not need a ritual for eating something delicious, if it were on me to eat it , I would eat it every day. "I would give you a box of chocolate next time we meet," the girl told me,

I am Rietta Darwin ,you can call me Riet! "

"I am Anne!."

Riet taught me something good. No matter how bitter my life seemed to be, not every bitter is a bad bitter, with that kind of mind set I should move & plan the murder.