114

Tobias sighs with what almost seems like relief and goes to wipe the some of the dampness from his eyes.

"Thanks. I just wish they would. I feel like I've spent so long trying to prove I'm trustworthy, and something like this happens and they don't trust me anyway—like, what's the point?"

He pauses, tipping back his head towards the sky. After a long moment, you see him blink out a few new tears—and then he starts to talk.

"I know this seems really pathetic. I know I probably look so childish, but—I just couldn't take it anymore. Like, any of it. Yesterday was just—after everything that happened on Saturday, I just couldn't focus, because all I could think was that my parents were thinking about how terrible I am, how not ready to go to college I am. I don't even think I want to go to college. But if I say that, then all they'll think about is how I steal stuff, and that I don't want to go to college because I'm lazy and all I want to do is to get into trouble. They wouldn't even listen that I'm just scared. It's so much pressure. I have to be this perfect adult, I have to know what I'm doing, I have to want to do everything as good as possible or else I'm just wasting my time, I'm just slacking. I'm doing my whole life wrong. And then today…"

He sniffs, clearing his throat with a painful cough. After a moment, he sits up slightly and dries his eyes with his sleeve.

At first you're not sure if he's going to say anything—but then he fixes you with a hard, almost pained look.

"I went to the crafts store. It was…okay. Mr. Logan knows my parents pretty well, and he's actually really nice. I don't think he was even mad, just…kind of hurt. But I paid him back, and then—I said it was just me that stole the stuff. I said it was my idea. And I'm pretty sure he believed it."

You notice him give you a very deliberate look before carrying on.

"Anyway. After I left, I just had to do something else. I'd heard about this tree that just kind of appeared in this old building—and I realized that was the same place me and my friends used to sneak into sometimes, just to hang out. And I wanted to see it again. I don't know where the paint idea came from, I just—I found some paint and decided to throw it on the walls because I wanted to make something, you know, splash some colors around, without having to think about anything. Like how my parents always talk about art class, and I just wanna draw—except college was the art class, and I didn't want to think about all that pressure. That was it. But then when I saw my parents later, they asked me where I was, and I kind of lied because I knew they wouldn't want me to go back there. But they saw the paint on my hands, and first they actually asked if I went and stole more paint, so I told them where I was, and they flipped out, asking me if I was seeing those friends again, if I was the one who broke the windows and spray-painted the sculpture and all this other stuff. And I just couldn't take how much they didn't trust me."

Next