Chapter 54.2: Holding on and letting go

"Ivy, have some water…" Jin handed it to her. Ivy took it and drank while Jin gently combed her messy hair from the wind.

"Don't worry, I have explained to Ryu and he will handle the family… On the other hand, could you fill me in about what's going on with Jason?" Jin asked worriedly.

Ivy took a deep breath and sighed. "You could start with what happened that night in the jungle?" Jin questioned as Ivy felt it was time to let Jin who was someone who could understand her know for some comfort perhaps as after all that's what families are for.

"I was angry when I first found out that he was using me at some point to get closer to daddy… But when I realised he had all along guided me to become who I am today whether in studies or at work, that anger just… dissipate away. So, when he wanted to give up everything just to make it up to me because he used me back then, I was furious 'cause I know how much he needed this opportunity…" Ivy explained as her voice cracked while Jin hugged her closer and rubbed her left arm to comfort her.

"I am just so nervous every time I am around him cause of the fear that the current ambiguous relationship we are having would turn out to be not being able to speak with him like I used to anymore or worse…" Ivy said frustratingly as she let herself sob in Jin's arms.

"That night, I wasn't sure other than apologising to me, if he did confess to me about his feelings… It was all so hazy and I just don't dare to clarify… I don't want to lose what I have now with him. Just that alone made me really regret ever making that promise to Nancy to leave Jason when I graduate…" Ivy began to sob as Jin let her lean onto his chest.

"Ivy, no one could predict the future… Don't be too harsh on yourself… You could still fix this as I could tell Jason is serious and into you…" Jin comforted while Ivy shook her head.

"Jin, you have no idea how serious Nancy's situation is. The only reason I ever made that promise to her was that she went havoc discovering the fake relationship I was having with Jason and attacked me. Could you imagine what will happen if I went selfish and be serious with Jason? Part of the reason that promise was made was to prevent her from hurting anyone physically because I really am left with no options. I don't want to hurt the friendship between Jason and Nancy's current boyfriend, Nick either as Nick would be the victim who suffers more than I do especially after how he cheated with Nancy behind Jason. I would rather I carry all the burden for them and not tell Jason about my feelings…" Ivy couldn't help but let her tears keep flowing which made Jin's heart ache knowing how it would feel if it was the same situation for him and Cassandra. Although he felt it was a pity case for Ivy to not be able to be with the one she loved, he finally understood it was for a better cause.

"Whatever your decision is, I felt you should draw the line soon instead of keeping him ambiguous about it. Make it clear once and for all that you don't want to be involved seriously…" Jin said as Ivy sobbed even more hearing the exact thought she had in mind but was in denial.

"I know it will be hard but that's the way of life Ivy…" Jin decided to let Ivy sob all she wanted as he patted her gently.

Jin stood with her by the riverside till rather late as she fell asleep on his chest. Jin was also ensuring everyone was home and resting before he drove home with Ivy as he knew Ivy wouldn't want them to see her this way. However, when he carried her upstairs to her room, Ray and Ryu were standing by Ivy's room waiting for them in the dim lights from the stairways.

Ray quickly offered to carry Ivy as Jin handed her over. Ivy who was stirring felt the darkness of the dim lights was overwhelming as she quickly held tightly to Jin's collar. "Don't… Don't leave…" Ivy pleaded as she opened her eyes and Jin realised it was too dim for Ivy. "Turn on the lights…" Jin instructed as he quickly comforted her while Ryu turned on her room's lights.

"We are home… Sorry, it's very late and the hallway is dimly lit…" He whispered as Ivy opened her eyes to see Jin looking down at her on the way to her bright-lighted room while passing by Ray and Ryu.

"Let me shower first… You all go ahead and wash up first." Ivy said as Jin put her down on the ground. Ray instantly pulled her in for a hug. "You'll be alright, sis…" Ray comforted Ivy as she felt a sudden sting in her eyes. She blinked back her tears and smiled sadly when Ray let her go. Ryu stepped in to give her a hug too where she couldn't help but to let a few tears flow as the warmth of their hugs reminded her of Jason's which was once a source of refuge when she missed her grandma.

"I will come back later after your shower, alright?" Ray said as Ivy nodded when she let Ryu go.

"Go … Sleep. It's late. I'm fine. I will shower first." Ivy persuaded her brothers to leave her alone. They nodded while Ryu patted her head gently. "Goodnight…" Ivy said. "Goodnight…" Her brothers replied as Ivy halted Jin who was about to leave her room. "Twinny… Thank you." Ivy said as Jin nodded with a smile and walked out of her room with Ray and Ryu.

"Go ahead to shower and rest… I will ensure she falls asleep before I do." Ray assured Jin and Ryu as Ryu nodded with a yawn and headed downstairs first. Jin stood halfway on the stairs as he called out to Ray.

"Ray, she is a bit on the fence although she wanted to call it off. It's best if she does continue with her decision." Jin mumbled as Ray nodded understanding that he should continue to sway Ivy to keep her plans of not revealing her feelings to Jason. In fact, none of them in the family wanted them to be together considering the fact that it would constantly put Ivy in a dangerous position with Nancy. Besides, it was going to be tough for them to date due to employees will gossip about it.

"Alright, goodnight bro," Ray said as he watched Jin walk down the stairs. While in the shower, Ivy gave it a long and hard thought about her decision as she let herself be overwhelmed by her emotions. After a good cry, she finally came to a sturdy conclusion.

When Ivy stepped out of the washroom, she noticed Ray wasn't in her room although he said he would come back to her later. She decided to head to his room and knocked on his door instead. Ray was checking on some leftover work when he opened the door and saw Ivy's puffy eyes. "Hey…" Ray greeted sadly as Ivy smiled and hugged him knowing the sight of her puffy eyes was heartbreaking for him.

"Don't be sad…" Ivy mumbled as Ray let go of her hug. "But…" Ray was worried they were too loud as he let her into his room. It was Ivy's first time in his room which were full of martial arts poster and even a workout machine at one corner with some dumbbells. There was also a sofa bed by his working desk.

"Come, let's go to bed… It's really late." Ray urged as he pointed to his bed suggesting for her to sleep in his room but Ivy shook her head when Ray stepped closer to her to pull her over to his bed. She stopped him as she held tightly to his arms.

"Ivy, don't think too much and sleep… Let things decide for themselves for tomorrow alright?" Ray urged as he noticed Ivy's eyes were glistening with tears. "It's already tomorrow…"

"I mean later in the day…" Ray mumbled as he wiped away her tears.

"I have decided… I will make things clear with him later tonight. I will reject him. I know it's going to be hard but I will… I must…" Ivy bravely said as her tears flow again while Ray pulled her into his embrace and let her sob a while. Deep down, Ray knew Ivy had fallen for Jason too far that she was willingly sacrificing herself for the benefit of everyone.

"Believe in yourself, sister. You're a very strong woman after all…" Ray's words were always so comforting that Ivy was grateful more than ever to have found her family this way. She comforted herself that her decision would be repaying Jason by ensuring he had a peaceful friendship with Nick and still could fulfill his promise to take care of Nancy.