Chapter 3 Treat me like a fart! (Part 1)

"Chen Yu, right, young man?"

In the interrogation room of the police station, a middle-aged policeman took the documents from a young male policeman, browsed through them briefly, and asked, "Now that we have established the fact of your 'pre-mortem title,' we need to figure out how you died."

Chen Yu: "...I don't think I can die. I know my own situation very well; it is definitely not any 'pre-mortem...'"

"If we rule out the possibility of a 'pre-mortem title,' then you may suspect that you are a 'malevolent being,'" the middle-aged policeman closed the file and narrowed his eyes. "'Titles' not matching with real identity, only malevolent beings can do that. Needs to be sent to the Human Security Bureau for investigation."

"If that's the case, I think Commander, your analysis is quite reasonable," Chen Yu changed his tone instantly.

"Wang, contact a reputable comprehensive hospital for him, get a full physical examination and psychological diagnosis," the middle-aged policeman handed the file to the assistant station chief. "The station will cover the cost."

"Okay," the middle-aged woman took the files, nodded, and left.

The male policeman by the side then asked, "Chief, do you think he died from an illness or suicide?"

"I don't think so; he looks quite healthy," the middle-aged policeman shook his head. "If it were suicide due to mental illness, he would have died long ago staying at home like that. I suspect he might have been murdered. But, just to be cautious, let's get all the necessary medical examinations done upfront. Eliminate all possibilities."

Chen Yu couldn't help but retort, "So, in your eyes, I'm already dead, huh?"

"Also," the middle-aged policeman instructed, "Look into the deceased's social relationships before his death."

Chen Yu: "Well, that's something."

"He had pretty close contact with a delivery person," the male policeman looked at Chen Yu and asked, "Who did you have conflicts with before your death?"

Chen Yu: "Mainly you two."

"Alright, that's it. You two, one take Chen Yu to the hospital, the other go check on the delivery person," the middle-aged policeman ordered. "I'll go and notify the higher-ups. A 'pre-mortem title' is really rare, and this is a major case related to human lives."

"Yes," the two young policemen, a man and a woman, stood at attention.

"Is there anything else you want to say?" the middle-aged policeman asked Chen Yu.

"You mean a will?" Chen Yu asked.

"Anything," the middle-aged policeman waved his hand. "Get him paper and pen."

...

"Ever heard this phrase, miss?"

"It's 'life and death are preordained, wealth and honor are from Heaven.'"

"Respect others' fate, give up the helper complex."

"Though I have the word 'corpse' over my head, I'm still alive and well, aren't I?"

"So, no matter what happens to me later, at least for now, hurry up and let me go."

"Detention!"

"This is illegal detention!"

"Don't touch me! Ugh—"

Inside the Second People's Hospital of Qingcheng City, Chen Yu sat in a chair, a tube inserted by a doctor into his throat, reaching into his stomach.

"Just doing a gastroscopy, so much fuss," the female police officer said, rolling her eyes.

"—Ugh..."

After a while, the doctor withdrew the gastric tube, and Chen Yu bent over, retching in pain, "Dog... damn it... cough cough..."

"Doctor, any problems?" the female police officer turned to ask the doctor.

"Other than a mild Helicobacter pylori infection detected during the breath test, nothing else is wrong," the doctor removed his medical gloves. "The results will be out this afternoon."

"Okay, thank you," the female police officer nodded, glanced at a file folder, and then pulled Chen Yu up. "The next procedure is a colonoscopy. Let's go."

"Just kill me," Chen Yu straightened up, swallowed hard twice, listless. "You police might as well kill me as a group."

"We're doing this for your own good; why are you like this?" the female police officer frowned, dissatisfied. "Don't you know you're about to die?"

"I'm truly... I've figured it out, my ultimate cause of death would probably be getting hassled to death by you guys," Chen Yu lamented with inexpressible suffering.

"Quit your yapping and hurry up." The two grabbed Chen Yu and left, heading towards the Proctology Department on the fourth floor.

"Grandma, it's been a day already, I've undergone dozens of tests, can I please rest for a bit?"

"No," the female officer refused.

"Then what if I commit suicide!" Chen Yu gritted his teeth.

The female officer smiled, "Then we can close the case."

Chen Yu: "..."

"Where is he? Where's the patient?"

"Up there! Look, there's the Director, over there!"

At that moment, a chorus of shouting came from behind them. Chen Yu turned around only to see a middle-aged doctor dressed in a white coat, followed by a troupe of white coats, rushing toward him with urgency.

Judging by their running legs and excited expressions, if they were in slippers, they would have definitely lost them by now.

"Chen Yu? Hello, Chen Yu!" The middle-aged doctor looked at the word "corpse" above Chen Yu's head and immediately got even more excited, grabbing Chen Yu's hands and vigorously shaking them, "Welcome to the Second Hospital."

Chen Yu glanced up.

The middle-aged doctor had "PhD Supervisor of Medical University; Authority Expert; National Academician; Deputy Director of the Second People's Hospital of Qingcheng" piled above his head. The titles were so long they almost spilled over onto his two assistants standing beside him.

"Are you stacking BUFFs?" Chen Yu couldn't help but ask.

"Ah? What?" Confused for a moment, the doctor quickly reacted and warmly threw an arm around Chen Yu's shoulder, "Comrade Chen Yu, hello, I'm the Director of this hospital. I..."

"You want to use me for experiments?" Chen Yu cut him off bluntly.

"Ah? I..."

"Biopsy, dissection, research? Fuck!" Chen Yu turned to look at the female officer, shocked, "I finally know how I died!"

"Wait... it's not that severe." Being caught in his motives, the middle-aged doctor hurriedly explained, "It's just that 'pre-mortem titles' are very rare and of great scientific value!"

"See! He wants to dissect me!" Chen Yu grabbed the female officer's arm, clamoring, "Hurry up and take me away! He's the murderer!"

Chen Yu knew that his situation was in no way related to "pre-mortem titles."

The "title" above his head was utterly fake, changing every month, totally useless.

If this "PhD Supervisor of Medical University, Authority Expert, National Academician" really discovered he wasn't a "pre-mortem" kind of case, and then for his own research interest, falsely labeled him as a "vile object" and dissected him as a lab rat, that would be the end of it...

"Director Sir, Chen Yu is currently under our police protection and you are not allowed to contact him," the female officer diligently stepped in front of Chen Yu.

"I mean no harm!" The middle-aged doctor waved his hands, "I just hope Chen Yu, in your free time, could cooperate..."

"May I interrupt?" asked Chen Yu to the female officer.

"You already did," she replied.

"Great, then I refuse to cooperate," Chen Yu answered.

"Don't be like that, Chen Yu. Here's my business card," the middle-aged doctor stepped forward, bypassed the female officer and handed his card to Chen Yu, "Of course, there will be compensation."

Upon hearing this, Chen Yu, who was originally determined to refuse, subconsciously took the card.

The female officer: "..."

Chen Yu: "...I'm just looking."

Rolling her eyes, the female officer nodded at the Director, "If there is nothing else, I will proceed with other checks with the protection subject."

"Ah... okay," as the female officer and Chen Yu left, the middle-aged doctor came to his senses, give a perfunctory response and dazedly watched Chen Yu's back.

As if he were looking at a long-lost lover...

...