CHAPTER 09: RYAN

The conversation with Finn ended up with me rushing to the bathroom and throwing up. Finn pointed out that I was getting pale the next thing we knew, I was throwing up in my bathroom. It's a good thing that there's a bathroom inside my office so I didn't have to run down my office hallways and make a scene about it.

Finn didn't touch this topic again but insisted that I go home and rest. He knows I don't rest, my health gets upset then it gets set. I don't take medicines, I don't do doctor visits, I don't waste my day laying in bed coughing my shit out. If I'm not going to my office then I'm doing my work from home. I don't compromise with work.

I entered the house and it felt empty. 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. Usually when I enter the house, I can feel her presence in the whole house, the scent of roses surrounds me and her presence is noticeable.

Since, Rose isn't home, I'll clean myself, I smell like shit. 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘷𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥. I don't know why I remind myself that.

I made my way upstairs to our bedroom, took off my coat tie, socks and shoes and went in the bathroom.

I took off my clothes and went inside the shower. My head feels heavy. I was getting headaches since last week after my unexpected date with Rose. Because after that night, I couldn't sleep, I kept reminding myself that I don't have any relationship with Rose but the thought of her always brought me to my 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧… thoughts.

What if we do make this marriage work? What if I spend time with her without having the reason to find out who murdered my brother? What if we become something else?

I quickly turned on the cold shower and let my thoughts wash away once again. I need to stop thinking about this but I can't. whenever I close my eyes, my date with Rose flashes into my mind.

𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭-𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴.

This has never happened. I never let a girl get attached to me, not even my previous girlfriends, I never had a serious relationship and that was the one thing all of my previous girlfriends hated and I didn't much care.

I'm not suppose to like being with Rose but after our date, being with Rose is the only thing I want to do. Being with her makes me comfortable (when it shouldn't) being with her feels good, I feel like I can be myself and no matter what she'd never judge me. A part of me wants to put down my armor and show her all my scars, tell her my darkest secrets, just be with her.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦.

I made my hand into a fist and placed it on my forehead while the cold water continued rushing through me.

Finn's statement of the outcome of using John's advice made me sick and worried. As much as I know she deserves someone who will love her, I can't admit the fact that I want her to find someone else because I don't.

__________________

After taking a cold shower—and trying to remove thoughts of rose, I went in my study room and started answering some emails. I ignored the pounding in my head and kept a glass of water on my table for when I felt nauseous.

I didn't bother texting Rose that I was home—hell, I stopped myself from texting her. I hated that I wanted her in the house. I've lived alone before and I like being alone, so why do I want her here now?

I made my hands into a fist over my keyboard and closed my eyes. My headache increased.

My headache was getting worst with the thoughts of Rose. I wanted her when I shouldn't, since when do I want a girl to be around just so I feel comfortable? 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘙𝘺𝘢𝘯. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳.

"Ryan?" Rose's voice made my eyes open. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. I heard the door of our bedroom close, she must've seen my bag.

Soon the sound of her footsteps started getting closer, I brought my attention to my laptop screen. I don't myself staring at the entrance when she walks in and make her think that I was waiting for her.

I brought my fingers on the keys and started typing as soft knock came on the door then after few seconds, the door opened.

"hey," she said, my fingers stopped typing and I looked up to find her head popped out, her hair was tied in a ponytail, her lips were tinted and her gaze was locked with mine.

"hi," I said.

"Is everything okay? You came home early…" she tilted her head to the side with a concerned frown "Are you sick?"

"no"

"Ryan, your eyes are red."

"what"

"your eyes—" she sighed and walked in, she was wearing a yellow floral dress, it was short and clenched to her body. It fitted her… perfectly.

She took slow towards me and brought her hand to my face. I reacted to that action and backed up in my chair, pinning her with a frown.

"I'm trying to check your temperature, relax" that didn't help, she placed the back of her hand on my forehead then on my neck when my shoulders tensed. Her touch was soft and warming and I wanted her to—

𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

"you're burning, Ryan" she removed her hand from my neck "wait here" she left the room in a hurry and I let myself breath. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦?

Rose came back with a thermometer.

"Open your mouth, Ryan." She said trying to break her hand out of my grip. I grabbed her wrist when she tried to put the thermometer in my mouth.

"no, stop trying"

"Ryan, you're sick"

"I'm not"

"fine then let's see. Put the thermometer in your mouth"

"no"

She groaned.

"fine then don't hate me for this"

"for wh—"

Rose used her free hand, grabbed my ear and twisted it.

"Rose! What the hell?!"

"open. Your. Mouth." She warned and tightened her grip.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦?

"fine. Fine! First, let go of my fucking ear!"

She let go of my ear and I let go of her wrist.

"what the hell" I muttered

"open your mouth"

I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth, she placed the thermometer in my mouth and I closed it. I looked at her with a hard gaze but that didn't do anything because she just… smiled.

After she checked my temperature—which was higher than I expected—she insisted I get in bed and rest. I denied at first but then she started pinching me. She pinches hard. At last, I surrendered and went into bed.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴.

I watched rose with an 'unbelievable' expression as she tucked me into my comforter like I was a child.

"Rose," I said as she was done tucking me in and was now standing at the foot of the bed.

"hm?" she looked towards me

"Am I a child?" I asked pissed

She now wore a pissed expression now "has no one ever taken care of you?" she said and went to the other side of the bed and opened the drawer of the side table.

I tilted my head towards her as she took out some tablets and started reading the symptoms "what is that suppose to mean?"

"it means that you found me caring for you as an act of annoyance so it's obvious no one took care of you" she paused and looked at me tilted her head to the side with a confused expression "were your girlfriends of any use?"

"I didn't let anyone come in my room. Why the hell would they tuck me in?"

She winced. "trust issues," she walked around the bed and stood beside me "well don't worry, Ryan. I promise, I will not touch your precious documents neither will I snoop around in our house," she pointed out 'our' before continuing "I will simply just nurse you." She said and wore a pleasing smile

"as sweet as it sounds. I don't want you to take care of me."

She rose an eye brow "then why are you tucked in bed?"

"because you pinched me when I tried to get up." I said with gritted teeth, she grinned.

"exactly," she turned towards my side table and picked up a glass of water then turned back to me holding out the glass and tablets in her hands "you have no other choice then let me take care of you, Ryan Hartford."

She said it as it was a challenge which I would lose. And as much as I hate losing, this time, I wanted her to win.