CHAPTER 21: ROSE

I had a nice sleep.

I had a weird but really nice dream.

Ryan kissed me.

It almost felt real.

Last night, at dinner with Bree, I told her how Ryan has been changing and I've started being attracted to him but I was scared to take it anywhere because of Ryan's history of 'not believing in love'.

Maybe that talk was the cause of my dream.

Right now, I don't want to get up from my bed. It's so comfortable and the blanket around me is heavy and warm.

I turned to the other side and snuggled into the other pillow. The pillow is hard but it's comforting.

I don't want to get up but I should. I have to make breakfast for Ryan.

I sighed and turned my head to the other side, I finally opened my eyes and reached for my phone, I opened it.

6:46 𝘈𝘔

I sighed and put away the phone, I turned my head back to where it was and find emerald eyes staring at me.

"Good Morning," Ryan's deep voice startled me

And it came all crashing back.

My talk with Bree. My encounter with Ryan in the living room. I asked him about whether he believes in love. Him wanting to fix the marriage. Us kissing.

𝘞𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥..

We kissed.

Ryan and I kissed last night.

I screamed and backed away from Ryan, sitting up.

He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. I think I shattered his ear drums.

"You don't always scream in the morning," Ryan said, his eyes still close.

"You… I…" I can't talk, my mouth is dried up "what the hell are you doing?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me. He was still laying on the bed while I was sitting up, away from him so not even a inch of us touch.

"I think I was sleeping then you moved, I stared, you moved again then you woke up, screamed and now I think I'm deaf," he said

"We… Wh- did we cuddle?" He nodded "you.. what?"

Now, Ryan looked concerned. His brows drawn together. He sat up not breaking eye contact with me.

"You don't remember what happened last night, do you?" He asked.

Of course I remember. I remember every bits now. Our talk. How he held me. His lips pressed against mine. My body pressed against his. His hair between my fingers.

"I do.." I said "but.." I squeezed my eyes shut and put my head in my hands "what.. why did you… God, this is so confusing."

Why did he kiss me last night? Why does he suddenly want to fix the marriage? What had happened which made him think that?

I'm filled with questions and I'm scared to find their answers. Last night felt like hope but I don't know if it'll go anywhere.

I squeezed my hair in frustration when I realized someone sat behind me.

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭. 𝘐𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦. 𝘙𝘺𝘢𝘯'𝘴... 𝘙𝘺𝘢𝘯'𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨.

My own thoughts hurt me.

Soon, a pair of arms wrapped them around me and hands gently pulled my hands from my hair.

"Breathe, Rose" Ryan gently said against my ear as I laid my head back on his shoulder. He held my hand and gently rubbed his thumb on my knuckles. I exhaled and closed my eyes.

"I don't know why I'm panicking," I ended up whispering. I felt tears on the back of my throat when I continued "I don't know why you're holding me… You don't owe me anything. It's not your fault I like you. You don't want a relationship." A tear escaped my eye, I'm so stupid to cry "you never wanted to marry anyone."

None of us spoke for the next minute. We both are quiet. He's still rubbing his thumb on my knuckles and he hasn't moved.

And I hate it that I don't want him to move.

"Rose," he finally said "what I said last night was absolute truth. I want this marriage to work, not because I owe you or your father anything but because…" I felt him exhale "because I want to be the one you fall in love with."

I felt his lips press against my head when he spoke again "I want to be the man you deserve, Rose. I want to be yours."

I don't say anything. I let his words sink in and make sense of it.

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩.

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦.

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴.

He's going to fix the marriage. He likes me. I like him. We both want each other.

I finally open my eyes and look at him, he's already looking at me. And for the first time, I sense he's scared.

He's scared of my answer. He's scared how I'll react.

I don't say anything. Instead, I lean in and softly press my lips against his. I feel him relax as he closes his eyes and kisses back. I close my eyes as we softly kiss each other.

We're going to make this marriage work not because we have to but because we want to.

After we pulled away, I opened my eyes to find him staring at me.

"I'm hungry," I said

He chuckled then placed a soft kiss on my forehead before saying "I'll cook"